Name one of the 6,783 reasons you want to kill yourself?

[Steff1337]

Not being able to care for myself

 

[TakeMeToHeaven]

constant anxiety

 

[Tarrasque]

Many of my issues have been mentioned so I'll try and articulate something I don't see spoken about very often. This might be slightly weird, but I don't know myself at all? I know that I'm unsatisfied with my life but I don't know what I want instead. I know I hate my body, but I can't actually envision the way I'd like it to be. I have precious few consistent tastes or values. Most of the time I feel like an empty shell, wandering around on autopilot and killing time with no personality and no goal in mind. It's not all the time that I feel absent of a personality, but when I do feel something it's not consistent and can be wildly different to how I've felt before, as though there are different personalities which come and go. I can take on a really strong opinion or belief and really genuinely believe it, but it's only there a small fraction of the time. I'll be completely ready to fight about it but then an hour later I have literally no perspective on how it felt to think that way. I feel like most people out there in the world can name something they want and start trying to go about getting it and thus improve their situation a bit, but that's impossible for me to do for any significant length of time, and I get paralyzed by thinking any decision I make might actually be the wrong decision for the person I will be 48 hours from now.

My psychologist thinks I might have a dissociative disorder but I'm not fully confident that's right, the experiences I see from those who have those conditions feel extreme and specific and I don't totally match the profile. What I've described makes it difficult to figure out what I need to do to be happy, and makes it a sisyphean task where you might make some progress, but then the goalposts move. It makes it hard to keep friends because they might take a liking to me and then the next time they see me I'm a very different person or I've forgotten how to be around them. I got into a relationship with someone who is absolutely wonderful but I spent about half of the time not having any sort of feeling for her and about 10% of the time really disliking her, even though she was consistently lovely. I feel very guilty about that. It's weird and I feel broken, and I want to stop running on this endless treadmill.

 

[Forgettable]

Broken will, i dont want anything anymore.

 

[Velvet Fortress]

I'm tired of always of always being in pain, and of constantly having to push through it

 

[enough of this]

I can't find a way to shed all this anxiety, depression and loneliness. This world and everything that's going on in it, is just getting shittier every day.

 

[die_young]

To find peace and Safety

 

[Serial Experi Pain]

My entire life has been endless pain and trauma, and no that is not an exaggeration. I have been let down by everyone who ever claimed they cared, because they never really did. I don't like this world or it's convoluted bullshit hoops that it forces everyone to jump through while most people claim everyones lives are in their own control. I hate the cruelty of it all. I hate the song and dance and trying to fit in where I don't belong and where I am clearly not wanted. I'm tired of having my heart broken and faith crushed by people with no empathy or care for the damage they do to me or others so recklessly. I'm tired of having my feelings and voice and emotional/physical pain minimized and mocked. If I'm just going to be treated like garbage I may as well be tossed into the garbage. I don't want to die, really, but I don't see any other way to to avoid all the pain that piles higher and higher with each passing day.

 

[wCvML2]

peaceful death by natural means is not guaranteed

 

[sick.faery]

life is boring

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

Jesus... not sure why you chose 6k instead of 2k or a a number in the 100s, but I could actually list 6,783 reasons as to why I want to kms, if I wanted to that is.
That's weird, yet normal...

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I have a chronic illness with no cure, which prevents me from really living but won't kill me.

 

[Fakefriendhate_Maxx]

I'm soo lonely, only have very few friends left. It makes you sick, when you never leave your home and have very few social contacts...

 

[Eudaimonic]

Ruined body

 

[SoulCage]

Everything is a cost-benefit analysis and not having all the knowledge makes it so much harder to make the right decision (+ I could get scammed when I seek for help). It's so exhausting, I am overwhelmed and my brain can't focus when I try to learn how to improve on my own.
It hurts my future and my present day-to-day, because my mental circumstances allow me only to live to survive and that's genuinely not worth it.

 

[Boudika]

Well, it's hard for me to choose, because I've got the serious ones like "I'm a burden to everyone and no one will ever love me" as well as the dorky ones like "my favorite forum is dead" or "oh no, my childhood is over and I hate changes and I'm not going to live through this shitstorm."

 

[eve2004]

I no longer have any emotional connection to people and no hope that I ever will. And I'm not an introvert.

 

[annasplight]

the world would truly be better off without pushovers like me. nobody has ever truly liked me my entire life, so why would they start now?

 

[Steff1337]

Another reason: severe poverty.