My world is crumbling in front of my eyes.

[plan c]

I'm at the very end of my gap year intended for recovery and just received some email from a school staff reminding me about new-term affairs and course selection, and I could expect a lot of trivial work to be done. However, the moment I opened the webpages I was having all the powerless deja vu crawling over me, reminding me whatever I would do won't change my fate and I would not pull through any of those school studies and socialising with my scrambled mentality.
I had a meeting with my shrink and picked a somehow relaxing topic, thought it would ease my exhausted mind so that I could at least finish off the work at hands, yet I realized the moment I left the workshop that suffocation didn't let go of me a bit. My shrink often consoles me by saying "We all go through pain, but we have to know that suffering is finite and will come to an end." And this time I suppose I deciphered the glyphs: If somehow the excessive gluttony and ceaseless torment goes beyond what I could take, death could always be my last resort to cut short the misery.

 

[livinginhellnation]

I'm at the very end of my gap year intended for recovery and just received some email from a school staff reminding me about new-term affairs and course selection, and I could expect a lot of trivial work to be done. However, the moment I opened the webpages I was having all the powerless deja vu crawling over me, reminding me whatever I would do won't change my fate and I would not pull through any of those school studies and socialising with my scrambled mentality.
I had a meeting with my shrink and picked a somehow relaxing topic, thought it would ease my exhausted mind so that I could at least finish off the work at hands, yet I realized the moment I left the workshop that suffocation didn't let go of me a bit. My shrink often consoles me by saying "We all go through pain, but we have to know that suffering is finite and will come to an end." And this time I suppose I deciphered the glyphs: If somehow the excessive gluttony and ceaseless torment goes beyond what I could take, death could always be my last resort to cut short the misery.

You wanna ctb just because of this ?

 

[plan c]

You wanna ctb just because of this ?

Along with many other things yes. I'm just not good at putting too many things together in a post.
Throughout the year of recovery I kind of sense that my school, my family and most ppl I knew have given up on me already. They're not giving me a chance to come back and I'm out of sorts with everything about them.
Perhaps it's all too trivial for more powerful souls