DoNotLet2
Wizard
- Oct 14, 2019
- 684
EveryBreathIsWar
My body wants to live but my mind wants to die..
- Dec 27, 2019
- 16
I really appreciate the comments, this community is something out of this world and I value it and everyone in it. Your all one in a million.. It was really hard after I failed because I was so emotionally overwhelmed that I felt extremely impulsive and compulsive to re attempt and had the idea of just driving my car off a local cliff and was just so close to putting a knife to the side of my neck but I'm not really one to act on impulse as I'd rather let things calm down so I can re evaluate more rationally took everything not to. I did mean CO, I've read the recent Callie Lewis report and read simular CO related articles and this would be the next thing Im going to try as from sources say, it's colourless and odourless and the way it attaches to your hemoglobin you don't even realise what's happening but only potential symptoms from exposure to keep at a minimum and the necessary precautions and the articles that claim a body looks peaceful tells a strong story within itself. Apologise for any wrong wording last night, head was spaced out but wanted to like I said do the update. I said it would of been either yesterday or my 24th on the 19th of March for the next attempt but with a viable CO method and realisticly between now and then will be enough time to study further, risk assess, location and aquire the materiels/equipment required. I beat myself up every single day for just simply existing so just until the 19th of March will be a struggle but in the hope that this method will work better for me I'm going to try my hardest to last until then. Appreciate all the comments <3
You really are not a failure. SI is the strongest emotion you will ever feel and what you did was brutal. It never pans out the way people hope it will.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad you are rethinking.
I've been thinking about your post and wanted to check in on you today. Glad you are still with us though I hate that you've had to suffer.
You must be feeling so broken and overwhelmed. And desperate. If you want to stick around and talk on here there's no end of folks who will have time for you.
I have ocd and bdd amongst other things. The ocd is really crippling but I've lived with it for my whole life. Just the ocd alone has me in tears sometimes let alone all my other issues.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad you are rethinking.
I've been thinking about your post and wanted to check in on you today. Glad you are still with us though I hate that you've had to suffer.
You must be feeling so broken and overwhelmed. And desperate. If you want to stick around and talk on here there's no end of folks who will have time for you.
I have ocd and bdd amongst other things. The ocd is really crippling but I've lived with it for my whole life. Just the ocd alone has me in tears sometimes let alone all my other issues.
Nem
Drs suck mega ass!
- Sep 3, 2018
- 1,489
Sounds like you had a terrible experience. Keep calm - you're right, this community is great and supportive. The CO method is ideally the way I want to go if I can find the confidence to get it right, as N and Fentanyl are difficult to obtain in the UK. I have cancer, and digestion is a worry when it comes to the popular SN method.
TheDevilsAngel
LetMeFree
- Apr 22, 2019
- 768
Wishing you the best of luck. You are in my thoughts. Sending hugs and love..
Soul
gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
- Apr 12, 2019
- 4,704
Be gentle with yourself, @EveryBreathIsWar. Get plenty of rest and healthy food and don't worry for now. You've had an educational experience, not a failure. x
EveryBreathIsWar
My body wants to live but my mind wants to die..
- Dec 27, 2019
- 16
I'm so sorry that you have cancer, life is so cruel to the best of us. It's like all the good people are the ones who seem to hurt and others took from us. I'm sorry to hear that, makes me feel even more guilty as you don't have a choice. I'm so sorry, sending hugs out to you and everyone else within this thread, I appreciate all the supportive comments. It's weird because no one really ever has ever been as supportive on a mental/emotional level to me ever. My best friend could see when he was around something wasn't right and he never said anything but had his own suttle ways of lifting my vibe up like I'd go to take a drink when he'd be driving and he'd hit the brakes and I'd be wearing it and he'd be in tears or like one time something was up with his car so he pulled over and I looked under the hood and he beeped the horn and I never thought I could jump so high before.. I have his car as a memory of him and to feel close to him as we spent alot of time on the road. I hope which ever method you chose that all goes well either way and wishing everyone well. EBIW.
Appreciated, ocd alone is bad as there are many other conditions which are ocd related like I have Trichotilomania, Dermotilomania, body dysmorphia and Anorexia nervosa but at the moment I'm doing okay just about with the Anorexia. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and it's reassuring knowing even though I feel so alone that I'm not. I know there are many people to talk to on here and knowing I can does help me ease up but I don't want to be a burden to others as I don't know what everyone else is going through at the moment and certainly do not want to pressure others with my own problems ect on top of there own as it's unfair and I'm sorry if anyone has felt this way.
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UpandDownPrincess
Elementalist
- Dec 31, 2019
- 833
I'm glad to see you today. You didn't seem quite settled with your plan and it wasn't quite your time.
Be gentle with yourself going forward. Nothing that has happened to you is easy and you are supported by all of us here. We have your back. You can lean on us while you build back your strength. Hang on and hang out for a while.
If it's truly time, you'll know.
Be gentle with yourself going forward. Nothing that has happened to you is easy and you are supported by all of us here. We have your back. You can lean on us while you build back your strength. Hang on and hang out for a while.
If it's truly time, you'll know.
Time
Looking to leave.
- Nov 10, 2019
- 264
QUOTE="EveryBreathIsWar, post: 554857, member: 13421"]
but I don't want to be a burden to others as I don't know what everyone else is going through at the moment and certainly do not want to pressure others with my own problems ect on top of there own as it's unfair and I'm sorry if anyone has felt this way.
[/QUOTE]
I hear ya, & yes, we all have problems but this is the place to get it out. You're not a burden. I hope that when you're ready to talk/vent (even if by PM), you'll feel comfortable enough to do so. We're here for each other, EveryBreathIsWar.
but I don't want to be a burden to others as I don't know what everyone else is going through at the moment and certainly do not want to pressure others with my own problems ect on top of there own as it's unfair and I'm sorry if anyone has felt this way.
[/QUOTE]
I hear ya, & yes, we all have problems but this is the place to get it out. You're not a burden. I hope that when you're ready to talk/vent (even if by PM), you'll feel comfortable enough to do so. We're here for each other, EveryBreathIsWar.
