Help My Suicide Note to My Children

[mossyfox]

Silly that people misinterpret written words and also ruminate over bad memories to the point that they can't take it anymore?

I never suggested that. I was replying to mossyfox's comment -

"Yea, thinking about it more I really think if it was my mom, all I would want to read from her is no apologies and just 'remember that I love you' and retell a couple of genuine good family memories. I would want to feel sad my mom is gone because of the good times but not guilty that I'm a little relieved because of all of the BS from the bad times. I would want to remember I had a mom who loved me and not be reminded of the bad stuff that we disagreed on how it all went down and how it should be properly apologized for."

It really is quite silly to think that a suicide note can determine exactly what the kids will & won't feel/remember...

It's not the note, it's the interpretation by the reader.

We are re-writing history in our minds and rationalizing as we go. Human memories are horribly faulty, unreliable, and plastic.

Thanks for the patronizing comment on how silly my thoughts are.

 

[sadpinky]

Has anyone heard or spoken to @imjustdone , having trouble reaching them

 

[motel rooms]

Silly that people misinterpret written words and also ruminate over bad memories to the point that they can't take it anymore?

Yes, people do misinterpret written words & can't get bad memories out of their heads. That's exactly why a suicide note, no matter how beautifully written, cannot determine exactly what those left behind will & won't feel/remember about the person who killed themselves...

 

[mossyfox]

After my first reply I wrote my opinion of what I would want my mom to write because it would let me let go of those memories and move past it as over and done. Stop trying to correct my opinions and thoughts to what you are saying is the truth. I don't come here to share my thoughts and feelings for you to correct them and tell me I'm silly.

 

[motel rooms]

Stop trying to correct my opinions and thoughts to what you are saying is the truth. I don't come here to share my thoughts and feelings for you to correct them and tell me I'm silly.

It is silly to think that a suicide note, no matter how carefully composed, can determine exactly what the children will & won't feel/remember about their parent. I know that's a hard fact to accept for someone who has young children & wants to die by suicide. I'm sorry you're suffering & you're free to ctb, but I'm even more sorry for your kids, who didn't force you to have unprotected sex with a man who also has issues & bring them into this horrible world.

 

[mossyfox]

It's not a hard fact to accept because I have kids. I said my opinion regarding my relationship with my mother and myself because that is what this note instantly reminded me of. I never used the word exact, you used that word and then said your responding to mossyfox and called it silly to think that way.

I didn't know I had bipolar when I got married and decided to start a family nor did I realize the nice charming man I met was not who he appeared to be. I was a young naive person without any diagnosis, treatment or awareness of my highs and impulsivity to act. I was excellent prey for someone like my ex.

Don't sit there and be judgey that I had kids at a young age due to undiagnosed and untreated mental illness when this entire forum is full of people we try not to judge for wanting to kill themselves.

 

[motel rooms]

Don't sit there and be judgey that I had kids at a young age due to undiagnosed and untreated mental illness when this entire forum is full of people we try not to judge for wanting to kill themselves.

I didn't know you were unaware of your highs & impulsivity when you made the decision to start a family. I guess it's possible that's true. I'm sorry. I still feel more sorry for your children though, I just do. I'm not judging you for wanting to ctb, I said you were free to do it. There's a significant number of members who will openly & harshly judge you for wanting to ctb even though you have young kids though, so brace yourself.

 

[mossyfox]

How ironic. Where's the SS for the suicidal parents to talk on with the same freedom all the childless people on here came for.

What a lovely cycle humans make that even when we complain about people censoring us and judging us we still find another group where we say, 'oh but not you, in your case we get to judge you because we disagree, but those other people who disagree with us, they are the ones who are actually wrong!'

 

[toforigivelife]

I didn't know you were unaware of your highs & impulsivity when you made the decision to start a family. I guess it's possible that's true. I'm sorry. I still feel more sorry for your children though, I just do. I'm not judging you for wanting to ctb, I said you were free to do it. There's a significant number of members who will openly & harshly judge you for wanting to ctb even though you have young kids though, so brace yourself.

I'm sure that when mossyfox decided to have children she thought to herself, "I know that one day my chronic severe depression and possibly other symptoms of mental health disorders and the torment of what my suicide might do to my children will have me emotionally and mentally hanging off of a cliff by my the tips of my fingernails but, what the heck? Babies are cute! I think I'll do it anyway!"

I don't think that's the situation here.

I guess you don't grasp the level of despair, the agonizing sense of conflict and anguish that mossyfox as a mother is enduring by her psychological state bringing her to the point of just wanting to end her suffering, be at peace and go into the big sleep.

Hell, I'm agonizing over my three adult siblings who've abandoned me and never communicate with me or do the simplest thing to try and help me even though I've made it clear that I am in deep crisis.

I cannot imagine what people who are in the same psychological state that I am in and who have children go through every single day.

 

[motel rooms]

I guess you don't grasp the level of despair, the agonizing sense of conflict and anguish that mossyfox as a mother is enduring by her psychological state bringing her to the point of just wanting to end her suffering

I grasp it & I'm sorry she's suffering. I'm familiar with anguish. I simply feel more sorry for young children than adults. I'm just weird that way. Probably because I was molested for ten years as a young boy.

 

[mossyfox]

Feeling more sorry for children than adults is normal. They have no control at all over the things happening around them and to them.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

You're children will be worse off without you

 

[toforigivelife]

I grasp it & I'm sorry she's suffering. I'm familiar with anguish. I simply feel more sorry for young children than adults. I'm just weird that way. Probably because I was molested for ten years as a young boy.

I'm sorry, hotelbeneathground, I didn't know that you were sexually abused by an adult when you were a child. I truly am sorry that happened to you.

It is hard to imagine a parent seemingly taking the option to walk away from their children - I use the word seemingly because if all of us could press a magic button and be reasonably happy, healthy, functioning people we would - and I have a better understanding of why your first instinct is about the children involved.

You're on SS, so I believe that you are familiar with anguish, but even those who have children can find themselves helpless in the face of crippling depression and other forms of mental illness.

 

[motel rooms]

I'm sorry, hotelbeneathground, I didn't know that you were sexually abused by an adult when you were a child. I truly am sorry that happened to you.

Yes, I was abused by my father. Thank you.

even those who have children can find themselves helpless in the face of crippling depression and other forms of mental illness.

Of course. I never claimed otherwise.

 

[toforigivelife]

You're children will be worse off without yo

Yes, I was abused by my father. Thank you.



Of course. I never claimed otherwise.

Your father? Oh my God. Just, oh God, I'm so sorry.

 

[Ob La Dee]

Hello. I'm still here I just needed a break for a week or so. I have been reading through all of the posts on this thread and I have to admit that I am too overwhelmed to comment on any of them. Btw my likes are not an endorsement, I'm just letting people know that I saw their posts and appreciate their input. I am rethinking my urge to ctb right now.

 

[toforigivelife]

Hello. I'm still here I just needed a break for a week or so. I have been reading through all of the posts on this thread and I have to admit that I am too overwhelmed to comment on any of them. Btw my likes are not an endorsement, I'm just letting people know that I saw their posts and appreciate their input. I am rethinking my urge to ctb right now.

I'm glad you're reconsidering.

If you can find your way out of the darkness I'll be so happy for you. I also know how hard it is to climb out of a suicidal depression and how hard it is to pull yourself back from the brink of suicide.

If you're still having a tough time and need some feedback you know there are people on SS who are here for you.

Wishing you healing and blessings.

 

[Lost Magic]

Hello. I'm still here I just needed a break for a week or so. I have been reading through all of the posts on this thread and I have to admit that I am too overwhelmed to comment on any of them. Btw my likes are not an endorsement, I'm just letting people know that I saw their posts and appreciate their input. I am rethinking my urge to ctb right now.

I really hope you find a way to live your life and get through the dark times. We are all rooting for you no matter what your choice. There is also a great recovery section here if that is the path you are heading towards. Best wishes to you! We will all catch the bus eventually. There is no hurry.