ihateittoo
Member
- Jun 9, 2026
- 8
hello, this is my first thread here and i just wanted to give my story on the time i tried to kill myself as a bit of an introduction. i posted a bit about it in a reply but i want to give the full story here.
on august 28th 2025 i was smoking some weed out my window when my dad knocked on my door and caught me from the smell(i was being a total idiot about it). i had been stockpiling my vyvanse for months and had a bit over 1000mg which i thought would be enough to kill me. i had been planning to CTB for months and i thought that losing all my weed(about an ounce) was a good enough reason to go through with my plan. i didnt do it BECAUSE i got caught, it just was the last straw. I grabbed a handful of Lurasidone and i looked myself in the mirror and told myself "you will always look like this, it wont get better" or something to that effect before swallowing all of the pills. after that i rushed over to the rest of my pills and took them all within a minute or 2.
after I took the pills i laid in bed and thought about my life, fully believing i would die that night. the reality was a lot less fun. i started throwing up shortly after and for the entire night i threw up out of my window, staining the entire side of my house's wall. the next 3 days were spent doing just this. drinking blue gatorade and throwing up. ended up going from about 130lbs to 121lbs(these are rough guesses but it was within this range, a lot of my memories from the time are a little hazy, i dont mean to ever lie in any of this) from throwing up. right now i weigh 124, so i havent been able to fully gain it back. i told my parents it was a random sickness and they believed me. i even had to go to the hospital and lied to them and got out with 0 tests and only being given an anti nauesa med and a frozen vitamin stick(idk the name for it)
i told 2 of my friends, and one of them told another(which i was fine with). i had planned to hangout with those 2 friends a few days after but they never reached out to me, and thats something that always made me sad. i really needed them during that time. but i was afraid to reach out. i wouldve loved a text randomly checking up on me in the days following, but never got that.
please do not try to od, its hell.
feel free to ask me anything, or dm me if you are interesed in talking. i get a bit lonely sometimes, so if you ever are bored and want to chat you can hit me up. we can even play counter strike if you want(im not great, but not complete ass), just reach out!
on august 28th 2025 i was smoking some weed out my window when my dad knocked on my door and caught me from the smell(i was being a total idiot about it). i had been stockpiling my vyvanse for months and had a bit over 1000mg which i thought would be enough to kill me. i had been planning to CTB for months and i thought that losing all my weed(about an ounce) was a good enough reason to go through with my plan. i didnt do it BECAUSE i got caught, it just was the last straw. I grabbed a handful of Lurasidone and i looked myself in the mirror and told myself "you will always look like this, it wont get better" or something to that effect before swallowing all of the pills. after that i rushed over to the rest of my pills and took them all within a minute or 2.
after I took the pills i laid in bed and thought about my life, fully believing i would die that night. the reality was a lot less fun. i started throwing up shortly after and for the entire night i threw up out of my window, staining the entire side of my house's wall. the next 3 days were spent doing just this. drinking blue gatorade and throwing up. ended up going from about 130lbs to 121lbs(these are rough guesses but it was within this range, a lot of my memories from the time are a little hazy, i dont mean to ever lie in any of this) from throwing up. right now i weigh 124, so i havent been able to fully gain it back. i told my parents it was a random sickness and they believed me. i even had to go to the hospital and lied to them and got out with 0 tests and only being given an anti nauesa med and a frozen vitamin stick(idk the name for it)
i told 2 of my friends, and one of them told another(which i was fine with). i had planned to hangout with those 2 friends a few days after but they never reached out to me, and thats something that always made me sad. i really needed them during that time. but i was afraid to reach out. i wouldve loved a text randomly checking up on me in the days following, but never got that.
please do not try to od, its hell.
feel free to ask me anything, or dm me if you are interesed in talking. i get a bit lonely sometimes, so if you ever are bored and want to chat you can hit me up. we can even play counter strike if you want(im not great, but not complete ass), just reach out!
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