Venting my stupid little issues

[lavenderlilylies]

this semester is nearly over. if i get the grades i'm expecting, my gpa will drop a 0.01, if not more. and getting second class honors will certainly be out of reach.
i've worked so hard, i've worked so fucking hard. with the little to no motivation and energy i had in me, i still gave it my all, and my all is still not enough.
the "i could've worked harder" eats me up but realistically, what more could i have done? even when i couldn't pull myself out of bed i still tried my best from there. this is the only thing i still care about. if i don't get it, what do i have to live for?
i'm currently only 0.04 gpa points away. it seems so little. and it would be if i was smarter or could work harder. but i'm not and i can't. i don't even want it for my future career, i know it doesn't really matter. i just wanted to achieve this thing for myself and to make my parents proud. but i'll always be a disappointment.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

saw my grade. i did drop 0.01. why am i surprised my absolutely terrible mental state is affecting my grades? im barely staying alive

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Are your tutors aware of what you're going through? Does your college provide any type of councelling? Not that I have huge faith in it but, I did give it a brief try when I was struggling.

I'm sure your parents realise you're trying your best under the circumstances. Do they realise what a tough time you're having? Sometimes it's maybe a mistake to tell people but then, it's also too big to face alone sometimes.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm sorry this us a difficult time for you. Parents always want and expect our children to be better than us, and don't make our mistakes. Don't be too hard on yourself, you're only human. If you want to live and be successful then you will definitely need to finish college. Yes, there are some great jobs you can work at that doesn't require a degree, I've never had one.

I failed college and classes so many times and thought I'd never make it, but I finally did. What helped me was learning how to study. It may sound stupid but I didn't know how to study to retain the information so I went on YouTube.

First, you will probably need some medication is you're struggling to get through this life, I was on Prozac and it helped. I swear by Prozac.

So what I learned from YouTube is you have to find out what type of kearner you are. I'm a visual learner so I studied based off that. I colored coded my notes and made charts and pictures for everything, it actually worked. I also learned by buying a little recorder and I would summarize each chapter in my own words and asked questions to myself and gave myself time to respond. I used this method while driving or at work. Of course making index cards are helpful too. I have so many tips and tricks if you would like them. I'm no smarter than anyone else but I learned tools that would help me. I use to feel like I was dumb and the dumbest in class. I never did study groups because I never felt I fit in because everyone was so advanced and I felt embarrassed.

I suggest you speak to your parents about how you're feeling and the difficulties school in putting on you. Maybe you need a tutor, a break, or a counselor to help you work through your problems.

I wish you the best and if it's a class I can help you with, I have no problem helping you for free. When you feel like you not making it just remember most of our greats have failed at some point. Try listening to motivational videos on YouTube.

I ramble a lot but I hope something I said can be useful to you. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Are your tutors aware of what you're going through? Does your college provide any type of councelling? Not that I have huge faith in it but, I did give it a brief try when I was struggling.

I'm sure your parents realise you're trying your best under the circumstances. Do they realise what a tough time you're having? Sometimes it's maybe a mistake to tell people but then, it's also too big to face alone sometimes.

thank you, you don't have to be.
i doubt them being aware would make a difference honestly.
and i've seen old posters for mental health counseling around. im not sure if they still offer it, but im not brave enough to reach out anyway. thanks for your kind words <3

I'm sorry this us a difficult time for you. Parents always want and expect our children to be better than us, and don't make our mistakes. Don't be too hard on yourself, you're only human. If you want to live and be successful then you will definitely need to finish college. Yes, there are some great jobs you can work at that doesn't require a degree, I've never had one.

I failed college and classes so many times and thought I'd never make it, but I finally did. What helped me was learning how to study. It may sound stupid but I didn't know how to study to retain the information so I went on YouTube.

First, you will probably need some medication is you're struggling to get through this life, I was on Prozac and it helped. I swear by Prozac.

So what I learned from YouTube is you have to find out what type of kearner you are. I'm a visual learner so I studied based off that. I colored coded my notes and made charts and pictures for everything, it actually worked. I also learned by buying a little recorder and I would summarize each chapter in my own words and asked questions to myself and gave myself time to respond. I used this method while driving or at work. Of course making index cards are helpful too. I have so many tips and tricks if you would like them. I'm no smarter than anyone else but I learned tools that would help me. I use to feel like I was dumb and the dumbest in class. I never did study groups because I never felt I fit in because everyone was so advanced and I felt embarrassed.

I suggest you speak to your parents about how you're feeling and the difficulties school in putting on you. Maybe you need a tutor, a break, or a counselor to help you work through your problems.

I wish you the best and if it's a class I can help you with, I have no problem helping you for free. When you feel like you not making it just remember most of our greats have failed at some point. Try listening to motivational videos on YouTube.

I ramble a lot but I hope something I said can be useful to you. Don't be so hard on yourself.

most of my courses are practical, but i still have a couple of theoretical ones to take, so i'll be looking into it. thanks a lot.

for my parents, im sure it means much more to me then it does to them. of course they want me to succeed, but they don't pressure me for numbers. i think what weighs on me is that they think honors is something i could achieve so easily, when im barely holding onto my current gpa. you could say they believe in me too much lol.