Like everyone else here, I aspired to be happy, to get married to the woman I love, to become successful. Well, the professional life did eventually come through but the personal life is basically a joke right now. As a child, I always had a fear of losing things, I used to be scared to even talk to people and would not even approach anyone outside the group of friends I had in school. As I grew old, I became obsessed with learning new things in life as I was not doing very well personally. I focussed on being independent as I had seen much of my life growing up with a family that loved me very much and provided for the things I always wanted, and I wanted to the do the same for my family.
Despite the daily struggle, competition and hardship I worked hard to become a qualified bachelor and got a job in the process, while I definitely attempted dying multiple times but all those reasons were due to - cheating, anxiety, depression, trust issues. This took a toll on my studies, but I did not give up and pushed hard to complete my education and eventually to be where I wanted to be.
>>Fast forward today, I have achieved things in my life and people are proud of me, but, I have lost interest in life. Like, I used to enjoy the small things in life, to hangout, to talk to people, to make new friends, to find love and to date. I realised lately that I am losing interest slowly in things, people around, in my milestones and the accomplishments I have had over the years and I just want to cease to exist. A part of me gives me hope to go on, but a part of me takes over so aggressively when I am alone that I just want to die.
I say I am like Brandon Stark because, I dont enjoy things anymore or I don't enjoy people anymore. I don't expect to people even read this, or comment positively or negatively. Whatever you say, does not matter to me. It is as good as I have crossed a consious level where I don't get fascinated with anything.
I wish I could enjoy people and things again in my life, I have tried seeking help for this situation, but I believe everyone is unique in this world, hence everybody carries a different DNA that can distinguish them.
I guess, everybody dies someday and I am just navigating through unknown waters with the certainty of a peaceful sleep.
Despite the daily struggle, competition and hardship I worked hard to become a qualified bachelor and got a job in the process, while I definitely attempted dying multiple times but all those reasons were due to - cheating, anxiety, depression, trust issues. This took a toll on my studies, but I did not give up and pushed hard to complete my education and eventually to be where I wanted to be.
>>Fast forward today, I have achieved things in my life and people are proud of me, but, I have lost interest in life. Like, I used to enjoy the small things in life, to hangout, to talk to people, to make new friends, to find love and to date. I realised lately that I am losing interest slowly in things, people around, in my milestones and the accomplishments I have had over the years and I just want to cease to exist. A part of me gives me hope to go on, but a part of me takes over so aggressively when I am alone that I just want to die.
I say I am like Brandon Stark because, I dont enjoy things anymore or I don't enjoy people anymore. I don't expect to people even read this, or comment positively or negatively. Whatever you say, does not matter to me. It is as good as I have crossed a consious level where I don't get fascinated with anything.
I wish I could enjoy people and things again in my life, I have tried seeking help for this situation, but I believe everyone is unique in this world, hence everybody carries a different DNA that can distinguish them.
I guess, everybody dies someday and I am just navigating through unknown waters with the certainty of a peaceful sleep.
