I'm happy to hear that you are relieved and feeling better for having a way out. I felt similarly too over a year ago when I got my method (a firearm). I can relate to the feeling of having a way out, knowing that no matter how bad things get, I can always check out on a whim. That has allowed me to take risks and live a bit longer, in fact, that is part of the reason I'm alive longer than when I originally planned to CTB.