Venting My relationship is being destroyed because of religious trauma

[kindawannacrylol]

My religious indoctrination is so bad, I'm going to have to break up with my girlfriend, i love her so much and i never want to be away from her, but i can't let myself be close with her without thinking i'm committing a sin, i have awful nightmares about being gay and my ex-biblical faith that i can't escape from. I feel so guilty when i'm with her even though she makes me feel so good. I have the same problem when i eat pig products/shrimp and when i wear more revealing clothing i feel so guilty and it makes me feel sick. I doubt the indoctrination will go away, it's been months since i left my religion and thoughts about being sinful and burning in hell still haven't left me. I want to be able to live a normal life without having to think of these things, it's just so hard to deal with, and no one takes me seriously because so many of my friends are christians.

 

[obliviousatbest]

Trauma can take some years to recover from and there may always be terrible remnants of it within your life, but dont let it stop you from pursuing and embracing your true identity! Who you are is not a sin, matters around sexuality do not make you a sub-level human like some religions insist. Maybe finding a lgbt community online could help you find confidence in your real self, I'd imagine there are more stories like your own which might bring some more understanding about your own way forward. Surround yourself with the energy you want to exhibit. I can't imagine the turmoil you endure, don't shame yourself from the time it takes you to heal, your battle is not easy. Wishing you peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Being alive really is horrible as there is no escape from ourselves and our thoughts. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[rationaltake]

This is hard. Maybe concentrate on the things that really impact on your life. Do you really need to eat pork or shrimps at the moment? Do you need to wear revealing clothes? The real issue seems to be your girlfriend. You love her and she makes you feel good. Could you ask yourself how this can be wrong? This may not help at all but Church of England Christians accept gay clergy. Some Buddhists don't condemn gay people. Give yourself time. Maybe your religious training is a habit you can break? I was in a religious organisation when young but left it as I realised I just didn't believe any of it any more. Apologies if none of this is helpful.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

My religious indoctrination is so bad, I'm going to have to break up with my girlfriend, i love her so much and i never want to be away from her, but i can't let myself be close with her without thinking i'm committing a sin, i have awful nightmares about being gay and my ex-biblical faith that i can't escape from. I feel so guilty when i'm with her even though she makes me feel so good. I have the same problem when i eat pig products/shrimp and when i wear more revealing clothing i feel so guilty and it makes me feel sick. I doubt the indoctrination will go away, it's been months since i left my religion and thoughts about being sinful and burning in hell still haven't left me. I want to be able to live a normal life without having to think of these things, it's just so hard to deal with, and no one takes me seriously because so many of my friends are christians.

Hey, I'm also a dyke raised Christian, I felt horribly ashamed/repressed my feelings for years. I think this is definitely something you can heal from, though it's hard at first. If you only left the religion a few months ago, that's still a very fresh wound. It definitely was for me. It's especially hard when there are people you're close to, and a community you're part of, that are upset/react badly seeing you lose your faith, and that you know would judge you for your "lifestyle". When you have those feelings, try and remind yourself why you left the religion. Making more nonreligious connections, if you can, will help too. I could be wrong but I get the impression that you're pretty young. Give some time for that wound to heal, and it will.

 

[rationalis]

Months is not a very long time. Meeting someone who understands and accepts you is rare. Change the clothes and the food before ending a good relationship.