I am really exhausted and don't have much energy maybe this thread will be not that long.
Recently I heard the people in college asking this question to each other. It made me think. In our society we are trained to lie to that question "how are you?" In 95% of all cases the right appropriate answer is "I am doing fine" (or similar) no matter what reality looks like.
There are many reasons for that. It is a generic question and when one has no close relation to the other person a lie might be more comfortable. The purpose is to avoid more explicit questions. It is a mean to avoid infringements of privacy.
But I also lie to my mom. I don't advice that it is just my approach. To my friends I can be more honest. I don't want that my mom with her bad health worries about me. But I pretended to be okay even prior to that. I always say something I am feeling medium. Though when I am really feeling very bad I tell it to her. However I don't want to remind her all the time in which living hell she has brought me with her abuse.
When I trust people it is relieving to tell them the truth about my well-being. It is for me very important for my mental health because I can fully trust my friends. It is a resource to cope.
One could think about the hypocritical notion of communication/ interpersonal relation we express with this language. But maybe this interpretation is exaggerated. We are trained to pretend to feel fine and hide our distress or pain. This is kind of necessary so that we can work efficiently and for being productive. Though I think there is even more behind that. When someone feels very horrible the society does not help enough. Or maybe one can replace society with societal structures. I was fired for being mentally ill. Admittedly I was a mess. But afterwards I got very cheeky replies for that. From the company where I worked and even in a state institutions. I was at the centre for unemployed people and in my point of view the people in need were not treated with respect.
Such a behavior is one reason why I need to ctb.
I can understand why people hate that question. It can be painful to hide the suffering. Others might consider it an empty platitude on which one should not ruminate too much.
Maybe I should add why this is in suicide discussion. Personally this question was for me the worst when I was acute suicidal and at rock bottom. Having to lie about it made me very sad. I was in so much pain. But I could not start crying at public places or similar.
What do you think?
Recently I heard the people in college asking this question to each other. It made me think. In our society we are trained to lie to that question "how are you?" In 95% of all cases the right appropriate answer is "I am doing fine" (or similar) no matter what reality looks like.
There are many reasons for that. It is a generic question and when one has no close relation to the other person a lie might be more comfortable. The purpose is to avoid more explicit questions. It is a mean to avoid infringements of privacy.
But I also lie to my mom. I don't advice that it is just my approach. To my friends I can be more honest. I don't want that my mom with her bad health worries about me. But I pretended to be okay even prior to that. I always say something I am feeling medium. Though when I am really feeling very bad I tell it to her. However I don't want to remind her all the time in which living hell she has brought me with her abuse.
When I trust people it is relieving to tell them the truth about my well-being. It is for me very important for my mental health because I can fully trust my friends. It is a resource to cope.
One could think about the hypocritical notion of communication/ interpersonal relation we express with this language. But maybe this interpretation is exaggerated. We are trained to pretend to feel fine and hide our distress or pain. This is kind of necessary so that we can work efficiently and for being productive. Though I think there is even more behind that. When someone feels very horrible the society does not help enough. Or maybe one can replace society with societal structures. I was fired for being mentally ill. Admittedly I was a mess. But afterwards I got very cheeky replies for that. From the company where I worked and even in a state institutions. I was at the centre for unemployed people and in my point of view the people in need were not treated with respect.
Such a behavior is one reason why I need to ctb.
I can understand why people hate that question. It can be painful to hide the suffering. Others might consider it an empty platitude on which one should not ruminate too much.
Maybe I should add why this is in suicide discussion. Personally this question was for me the worst when I was acute suicidal and at rock bottom. Having to lie about it made me very sad. I was in so much pain. But I could not start crying at public places or similar.
What do you think?
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