Venting My reason for trying to recover just went out the window

[-nobodyknows-]

Nine years.

I worked on myself for nine years so that one day I could tell the person who kept me from killing myself that I had reached the point they said I would.

I had three goals: get off medication, make friends, and have faith in God.

I got to that point. I tried telling them today. They still won't speak to me.

I don't blame them. I was an ass to them all those years ago, and eventually they just stopped talking to me.

Now it feels pointless. I wanted to be able to tell them that. I don't need to be friends with them again or anything, but I needed to hear them say "I told you so".

I can't stand this. It's driving me crazy. I don't know what to do. The one single reason why I bothered trying will not happen. It's beyond disappointing.

I hate myself so fucking much.

 

[kyhoti]

Well, I'm proud of you for your hard work. Recovery of any type is tough. Good on ya!

 

[AgentAlaniKelso]

But look at all the good you've done for yourself, even if that wasn't your original motivation. You got off meds, you've made friends, and you've found your faith. YOU did that, you put in the work. I challenge you to look deep within and recognize the work you've done is really for YOU, not for anyone else. I know a great big "fuck you" would feel great. But will that change anything? Your "fuck you" to this person is living well - off meds, with friends, and with your faith. Fuck that person. You made it this far without them/despite of them. I AM PROUD OF YOU.