Venting My psychiatrist told me in a commanding tone “you have to live” and I’ve been furious since then

[JassieDusk]

I see it as one of countless attempts of people forcing me to endure this ugly existence. He also said he can force me into a psychiatric hospital if he thinks I'm a danger to myself (which I already knew, but having him tell me that makes me furious).
It's like saying "I have authority over you and over your life. You will never be allowed to escape".
I am sure many members on here feel the same about the system and society in general.
Escaping from this world is a taboo topic, if you mention it all the focus will be on "recovery", and if you try to escape you'll be treated like a criminal, locked up and supervised.
I feel as if my suicide would not just be an escape but also an act of rebellion against the system which won't grant us our basic rights - to cancel our subscription we never even agreed to in the first place.

 

[ObsidianWatcher]

Sounds like your psych has a bit of a God complex... How frustrating. You'd of course be well within your rights to find a new one.

 

[JassieDusk]

Sounds like your psych has a bit of a God complex... How frustrating. You'd of course be well within your rights to find a new one.

This made me giggle
But you're right, not just him but all the professionals I've been to in the last 8 years. I am afraid we aren't very welcome here

 

[Alpacachino]

He's using the power of Christ to compel you.

 

[badatparties]

I don't see the point of telling these people about suicidal ideation anyway. I guess people feel the need to be completely honest with psychiatrists/psychologists.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Lol you know you can just stop going and they literally can't do anything to stop you.

 

[Seneca65AD]

I don't see the point of telling these people about suicidal ideation anyway. I guess people feel the need to be completely honest with psychiatrists/psychologists.

I did actually find a therapist, not a psychiatrist (those guys are crazy), who let me discuss how suicidal ideation was a crutch that got me through rough times. Now, we had to discuss everyting in "hypotheticals" but as long as I did not give a time or place, all was good. He understood it was a matter of control. As long as I felt I had a way out, I was able to pursue things that were terribly uncomfortable for me. It was when I tried to set a hard limit on CTB, such as committng to no CTB for the year of 2018 for example, that things began to spiral out of control for me and I started moving backward in life.

But in general, you are absolutely correct; when I was hospitalized after one of my attempts, I simply gave the right answers to the psychiatrist's questions and I was out the next day....I was just as suicidal if not more because now I had the burden of embarrassment. With the exception of that one therapist, I can't recall being completely honest with anyone else.

I guess that's why I like therapists and counsellors over psychologists and psychiatrists, less rigidity in methodology.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

Is it possible to have another psychiatrist? Trust in MH professionals is really important but he isn't worth it. I'm sorry you were treated like this.

 

[fadedghost]

I see it as one of countless attempts of people forcing me to endure this ugly existence. He also said he can force me into a psychiatric hospital if he thinks I'm a danger to myself (which I already knew, but having him tell me that makes me furious).
It's like saying "I have authority over you and over your life. You will never be allowed to escape".
I am sure many members on here feel the same about the system and society in general.
Escaping from this world is a taboo topic, if you mention it all the focus will be on "recovery", and if you try to escape you'll be treated like a criminal, locked up and supervised.
I feel as if my suicide would not just be an escape but also an act of rebellion against the system which won't grant us our basic rights - to cancel our subscription we never even agreed to in the first place.

it's sort of his job to tell you that. he is paid by the government, in a way. the government prints the money, he is only able to get the money if he's licensed, he can only keep his license if he says government approved things

you or someone else is basically paying for a mild-drug dealing risk-monitor person in your life to make sure you follow government rules

the easiest way away from someone like that is don't tell them how you are feeling, save up, then when you have enough money move, and don't tell them where you've gone, or your family. just tell them you met someone (that's a lie but it's hard to disprove) and you moved in with them and it's many hours away so you have to look for a new doctor. it's very hard for them to do a welfare check in all states at all times. and once 30 days elapses, they don't usually care anymore. they only care if they are being paid, they can pull you back in but only do it if someone is paying them

then once you are away, decide to live or die, but don't go back to psych. the longer you work without psych in your life the harder it is for them to pull you back under their control

choose death or choose life, but don't choose psych

I did actually find a therapist, not a psychiatrist (those guys are crazy), who let me discuss how suicidal ideation was a crutch that got me through rough times. Now, we had to discuss everyting in "hypotheticals" but as long as I did not give a time or place, all was good. He understood it was a matter of control. As long as I felt I had a way out, I was able to pursue things that were terribly uncomfortable for me. It was when I tried to set a hard limit on CTB, such as committng to no CTB for the year of 2018 for example, that things began to spiral out of control for me and I started moving backward in life.

But in general, you are absolutely correct; when I was hospitalized after one of my attempts, I simply gave the right answers to the psychiatrist's questions and I was out the next day....I was just as suicidal if not more because now I had the burden of embarrassment. With the exception of that one therapist, I can't recall being completely honest with anyone else.

I guess that's why I like therapists and counsellors over psychologists and psychiatrists, less rigidity in methodology.

you're still choosing to pay a government risk-monitor person (therapist) who will hospitalize you any time they think you will break societies rules. the goal of a therapist is to keep you paying and compliant with rules, that's it. anything else is just random.

things you can do other than seeing a therapist:

1) go jogging in the morning

2) take up hiking

3) volunteer at a community organization

4) if you are on drugs or alcohol go to smart recovery or AA/NA if you are religious and are okay with hearing a bunch of fake religious myths

5) go to mental health groups that are free and meet other people who are dealing with issues

6) eat healthier to avoid putting inflammatory garbage into your system

7) give blood; it's just like cutting, but you get paid and help people, and removing blood from your system removes things that sometimes makes people feel bad

8) do things you like to do

9) start a business

10) try to make money to help yourself or poor people


it may not work, an occasionally things like prozac work for a small subset of people, and some people do well with professional help, i guess?

 

[Seneca65AD]

it's sort of his job to tell you that. he is paid by the government, in a way. the government prints the money, he is only able to get the money if he's licensed, he can only keep his license if he says government approved things

you or someone else is basically paying for a mild-drug dealing risk-monitor person in your life to make sure you follow government rules

the easiest way away from someone like that is don't tell them how you are feeling, save up, then when you have enough money move, and don't tell them where you've gone, or your family. just tell them you met someone (that's a lie but it's hard to disprove) and you moved in with them and it's many hours away so you have to look for a new doctor. it's very hard for them to do a welfare check in all states at all times. and once 30 days elapses, they don't usually care anymore. they only care if they are being paid, they can pull you back in but only do it if someone is paying them

then once you are away, decide to live or die, but don't go back to psych. the longer you work without psych in your life the harder it is for them to pull you back under their control

choose death or choose life, but don't choose psych

you're still choosing to pay a government risk-monitor person (therapist) who will hospitalize you any time they think you will break societies rules. the goal of a therapist is to keep you paying and compliant with rules, that's it. anything else is just random.

things you can do other than seeing a therapist:

1) go jogging in the morning

2) take up hiking

3) volunteer at a community organization

4) if you are on drugs or alcohol go to smart recovery or AA/NA if you are religious and are okay with hearing a bunch of fake religious myths

5) go to mental health groups that are free and meet other people who are dealing with issues

6) eat healthier to avoid putting inflammatory garbage into your system

7) give blood; it's just like cutting, but you get paid and help people, and removing blood from your system removes things that sometimes makes people feel bad

8) do things you like to do

9) start a business

10) try to make money to help yourself or poor people


it may not work, an occasionally things like prozac work for a small subset of people, and some people do well with professional help, i guess?

But my question is why is seeking therapy an "either or" proposition? One can do both therapy and everything you listed. In my jurisidiction, therapists don't have the power to certify you (not considered medical professionals; they can report and start the process for commital but so can any private citizen with the right Affidavit); I paid the fee out of my own pocket so although there is a profit motive probably inherent in his treatment, I do not feel under the thumb of the government.

Therapy is definitely not for everyone but for several sessions I did find a therapist that allowed me to be myself and tell him "the truth" as I saw it. I don't see mental health treatment as a one size fits all situation. Look at is a buffett. Try different things and discard things that don't work and go back to the things that do.

 

[MissAbyss]

The audacity some people have...

 

[fadedghost]

But my question is why is seeking therapy an "either or" proposition? One can do both therapy and everything you listed. In my jurisidiction, therapists don't have the power to certify you (not considered medical professionals; they can report and start the process for commital but so can any private citizen with the right Affidavit); I paid the fee out of my own pocket so although there is a profit motive probably inherent in his treatment, I do not feel under the thumb of the government.

Therapy is definitely not for everyone but for several sessions I did find a therapist that allowed me to be myself and tell him "the truth" as I saw it. I don't see mental health treatment as a one size fits all situation. Look at is a buffett. Try different things and discard things that don't work and go back to the things that do.

they are in a special position to start the process of commital and police will believe them

do you think a psychologist has ever called police and said "i need you to find patient John Doe, he's extremely suicidal and dangerous and out of control and needs to be hospitalized" with police responding "Meh... we'll get around to it possibly?"

No, if a psychologist calls and says that to police it is just as powerful as an arrest warrant... and you are suggesting choosing to pay for the privileged of having your risk assessed and your thinking possibly shifted through manipulation so you have less cognitive dissonance when living in a fucked up evil society... okay?

also, to be direct, therapists are exploitative and offer nothing of value. they pretend to take the role of family or friend, but will vanish instantly if the money is not there. it is not real and replaces real connections. unless you are a rich person and want to see a therapist as a luxury, so they can tell you everyone you dislike has posidon disorder or narccisus disorder or whatever bullshit disorder of the year the DSM has pseudoscientifically approved with their voodoo reasoning, unless you are doing it like someone reading tarot or enjoying a massage, then you are being fleeced and manipulated and used. they are bad people, therapists are ALL bad people and tools of a corrupt society

 

[Seneca65AD]

they are in a special position to start the process of commital and police will believe them

do you think a psychologist has ever called police and said "i need you to find patient John Doe, he's extremely suicidal and dangerous and out of control and needs to be hospitalized" with police responding "Meh... we'll get around to it possibly?"

No, if a psychologist calls and says that to police it is just as powerful as an arrest warrant... and you are suggesting choosing to pay for the privileged of having your risk assessed and your thinking possibly shifted through manipulation so you have less cognitive dissonance when living in a fucked up evil society... okay?

also, to be direct, therapists are exploitative and offer nothing of value. they pretend to take the role of family or friend, but will vanish instantly if the money is not there. it is not real and replaces real connections. unless you are a rich person and want to see a therapist as a luxury, so they can tell you everyone you dislike has posidon disorder or narccisus disorder or whatever bullshit disorder of the year the DSM has pseudoscientifically approved with their voodoo reasoning, unless you are doing it like someone reading tarot or enjoying a massage, then you are being fleeced and manipulated and used. they are bad people, therapists are ALL bad people and tools of a corrupt society

Ummm.....okay.....

 

[fadedghost]

Ummm.....okay.....

Cogent and persuasive reasoning from someone who wasted their money and can't admit to being duped.

 

[Seneca65AD]

Not sure I would characterize my sessions with that one therapist as being duped but after seeing your anger and lack of cohesive argument in "therapists are all bad" and society is fucked up and evil, I just figured it would be better to disengage. I wish you the best.

 

[fadedghost]

Not sure I would characterize my sessions with that one therapist as being duped but after seeing your anger and lack of cohesive argument in "therapists are all bad" and society is fucked up and evil, I just figured it would be better to disengage. I wish you the best.

i think it's just as cohesive as saying all sugar is sweet or all snow is cold. certain properties are self-evident eventually. i think it is inherently evil when society allows people who are poor to be homeless and then jails them for falling asleep on the street; i would say such a society is evil and fucked up, and would say that without reservation. i think someone paid by the rule-makers of the society (the government) to tell people how to follow the rules of such a corrupt and evil society, taking on the fake role of friend or family while supplanting real connections but only so long as payment is received, is "bad" in a self-evident way. I wish you the best too, despite our not agreeing on this.

 

[JassieDusk]

I don't see the point of telling these people about suicidal ideation anyway. I guess people feel the need to be completely honest with psychiatrists/psychologists.

Honesty with them is usually safe, unless you mention something which may cause harm to yourself or others. Then they might react if they sense an immediate danger. Not because they love us too much to let us die lol, they don't actually give a shit, but like @fadedghost said -their income depends on their license.
I don't even know why we say it so easily knowing that they might suspect something and act, I guess we are either too naive or too exhausted to care about the consequences and are like "whatever, i'm just gonna put it out there".
Learned my lesson though

 

[Pony Slaystation]

No one has to live. ctb is always an option. It's not always the correct option but it's always a possible option. Your doctor doesn't own your life. You do.

 

[Off_Switch]

"You can't die."

Oh, btw that will be $125 for today's session.

 

[JassieDusk]

i think it's just as cohesive as saying all sugar is sweet or all snow is cold. certain properties are self-evident eventually. i think it is inherently evil when society allows people who are poor to be homeless and then jails them for falling asleep on the street; i would say such a society is evil and fucked up, and would say that without reservation. i think someone paid by the rule-makers of the society (the government) to tell people how to follow the rules of such a corrupt and evil society, taking on the fake role of friend or family while supplanting real connections but only so long as payment is received, is "bad" in a self-evident way. I wish you the best too, despite our not agreeing on this.

I strongly agree with most you said especially about the government and society being evil, not just with suicidal people but in general with people who are suffering and in a bad position in life. They don't actually give a shit and are there to "keep you in your shell" so you don't cause a disaster - for *them* in particular. Everyone who works in the mental health field has read and signed the terms and conditions of the system. Simply no one would risk their license for a random patient.

But, even if money is the reason people like @Seneca65AD have access to a good therapist that most people don't have, I don't see it as a waste of money if it helps in some way. Even if it's a toxic relationship. You just need to think before you speak when it comes to sensitive topics like CTB, or better yet-don't mention it at all. Taking away someone's freedom by a forceful hospitalization requires a reason, so don't give them a reason.

No one has to live. ctb is always an option. It's not always the correct option but it's always a possible option. Your doctor doesn't own your life. You do.

This feels comforting to hear Thank you. Some people are so entitled

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I think you try to find a new one.

That kind of tactic is completely and utterly devoid of any clinical acumen.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Your therapist is quite dumb, reminds me of my own therapists and doctors that I had.

You say you're from eastern europe? (or at least your profile says that). It would explain a lot why your therapist sucks, mental health is at an all time low here.

 

[JassieDusk]

Your therapist is quite dumb, reminds me of my own therapists and doctors that I had.

You say you're from eastern europe? (or at least your profile says that). It would explain a lot why your therapist sucks, mental health is at an all time low here.

Yes, I'm from Serbia :)
I had bad luck with them while I was living in Austria too, so I don't know if it highly depends on location, but it would make sense since mental health in general is a taboo topic here