Venting My own mom asked me why can’t i just be normal…

[SoCloseSoFar]

I don't know. I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be trans, I didn't ask to be depressed, I didn't ask to be suicidal. Sometimes I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up because as much as it hurts and i desperately wanna scream she's wrong, she isn't. She's right, she's fucking right. Nothing that describes me is normal, okay, to me normal is going through my gender reassignment surgery, okay, I'm aware that I'm not normal, it just hurts worse hearing it from my mom and when we were on vacation in florida no less, the time where i SHOULD be at my happiest, but no. Fuck my life man…

 

[milkytoast467]

I don't know. I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be trans, I didn't ask to be depressed, I didn't ask to be suicidal. Sometimes I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up because as much as it hurts and i desperately wanna scream she's wrong, she isn't. She's right, she's fucking right. Nothing that describes me is normal, okay, to me normal is going through my gender reassignment surgery, okay, I'm aware that I'm not normal, it just hurts worse hearing it from my mom and when we were on vacation in florida no less, the time where i SHOULD be at my happiest, but no. Fuck my life man…

My dad left me when I transitioned two years ago, and my mom is currently in a hospital for acute cirrhosis. I'm sorry you feel that way, life really is just unfair. If it doesn't bother you, maybe you can chat with me, I bet we'd be good friends <3

 

[Pluto]

 

[1nocares]

What the fuck even is normal????
Why even have kids if you have some sort of fantasy about them, than can and will never be achieved. Many people live through their children, and have a hard time accepting anything other than what they fantasize. Just my two cents. I'm sorry you had to listen to that

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I'm not trans but I am severely depressed and want to die. My mom has no words of comfort for me either, she has no concept of mental illness. She gets mad at me for being so depressed and doesn't think I try hard enough to get better. I'm sorry your mom is similar and so close minded.

 

[SoCloseSoFar]

My dad left me when I transitioned two years ago, and my mom is currently in a hospital for acute cirrhosis. I'm sorry you feel that way, life really is just unfair. If it doesn't bother you, maybe you can chat with me, I bet we'd be good friends <3

I'm sure we'd get along well! My dms are always open

 

[SASU-KE]

I'm sure we'd get along well! My dms are always open

No,they're not open yet.keep posting it will unlock.

 

[SoCloseSoFar]

i just wanna share a pic of my cat. Her name is Mona and she's all I have to live for. Yes her name is a Persona 5 reference and she's the only thing that stopped me from suicide. I just looked at her little face and knew I couldn't do that to her knowing she'd probably spend the rest of her life wondering what she did wrong and where her momma went

No,they're not open yet.keep posting it will unlock.

well they will be once they are available

 

[SoCloseSoFar]

What the fuck even is normal????
Why even have kids if you have some sort of fantasy about them, than can and will never be achieved. Many people live through their children, and have a hard time accepting anything other than what they fantasize. Just my two cents. I'm sorry you had to listen to that

It really really hurt hearing it from her. I thought the 2 of us had made so much progress but in the same argument she also used my deadname intentionally and maliciously. like there was a pause before and after she said it, so you know she only said it to hurt me. And all I said to her was that when she says things like this, those are the words that swirl around in my head when I cut myself, and she only said back "Oh, so it's my fault you're cutting again?" which is obviously not the case.


Idk, I still love my mom and the very next day she approached me first to apologize, which to me shows a lot of growth because usually it's always me who has to be the one to initiate the apology and I told her not this time. So the fact that she recognized the severity of the situation enough to come to me first and apologize does say a lot but what it does not do is erase the immense amount of hurt and sadness her words brought me, because even though emotions and tensions were high in that moment, I never once felt the need to stoop as low as she did by deadnaming me and calling me not normal.

Whatever. Shit happens I guess, but it really hurts. At least she realized it wasn't okay and apologized, hope it doesn't happen again but I know better at this point

 

[wine is fine but]

like there was a pause before and after she said it, so you know she only said it to hurt me

perhaps the pauses were because she knew it was wrong and regretted saying them both before and after, but wanted to make some kind of point - not to hurt you as such

i obviously do not know about your situation, but the pause can mean both how you interpreted it and even how i have suggested. relationships are never easy when everyone is apparently "normal", so they can become much harder when people who have suicidal thoughts or sh issues are involved. we should always try to choose our words wisely, but sometimes when words are being thrown around in anger towards someone you love, they can come out totally wrong. we have all had times when we have said something and instantly regretted it even before the word is finished

at least she apologised, so you should know that she loves you

 

[Forever Sleep]

This kind of thing really annoys me. Why do parents assume they will have children that will turn out the exact way they want them to? Why do they even assume we will be born or remain healthy? They already know all of the things that can befall humans.

If they don't think they can handle having a child that is trans, gay, mentally or physically ill- why risk having children to begin with? And- they definitely shouldn't be then criticising the child for (basically) being a burden on them. It's surely the other way around!

Does anyone choose to have gender dysphoria, long- term depression, schizophrenia, sickle cell disease? Of course not! We didn't choose any of it. Our parents decided to bring us into a world where they knew all these things were a possibility. You don't write and complain to the lottery companies when you don't win. You realise you were the one foolish enough to buy a ticket. Life is such a lottery. Think of the billions of things that may affect us negatively (or possitively) that we have limited control over.