Venting My mother gave me Two years to get better.

[felixwasabsurd]

I'm freshly 18, I'm messy, I'm autistic and have adhd which prompts me to be more absent minded, my mother does not understand this and how could she? She doesn't have my mind, she can't understand why it's so hard for me to do mundane tasks like clean up the room I'm in.
i got into college earlier than anyone she knows and she hangs that over my head, to motivate me? She thinks it works. She reminds me that I need to change all the time but today something changed because I knew the time limit she gave me was much shorter.

Today was good, I went out to a friends house and stayed for a while, I had talked to them about how low I was feeling and they were kind enough to spend the day with me to help me feel better, which worked, I felt better until I got home and was lectured for leaving my laptop open and my food "rotting" in my room (it had been there for about an hour before she found it.) and that was fine, simple mother daughter argument. What really hurt was that she said I needed to fix myself in the next two years because she wasn't going to allow me to live alone like this.

I wonder if she knows that I'm not making it to next year, it feels like I'm grieving myself somehow, nobody else knows what I'm planning or the fact that I'm writing this here. I feel a bit alone and guilty that I will ctb before my mother gets to see the person I could have been.

I hope to have the courage to do it by the end of the year.

 

[Inthewind]

I see that man, when I got home or even had a car ride with either my parent any time we spoke it was an arguement even though I didnt do anything wrong. I simply got in the car and was silent then they got angry about something and yelled the whole way. I can see your mom doesnt understand, try to hide whatever you can so you can at least try to have a more peaceful year, stay out of the house whatever you can to be away from her. Do bare minimum of work so you can spend most of this year, if your certain of doing it, having fun with friends and not stuck in college or dealing with annoyances.

For me at least, after highschool or during lockdown, whenever my parents stopped having to do more work or werent as stressed they stopped yelling and we actually stayed in a silence watching a movie in the same room. Every now and again they will yell at me for small things like having shoes by door and that is like 80% or more the time when they are home, and they goto sleep angry then text me to turn off their lights or walk dogs. Parents should leave us alone if we are doing good, like getting into college early, thats all your doing and not your parents. If you got into it by your hardwork then they shouldnt bother you or impede on your efforts. Your methods have been sufficient thus far.

 

[saddavyd]

Can I ask you why you want to ctb. I am not here to judge you. Only to let you know that there are always options and other ways of looking at your life that are worth thinking about.

I ask ask a father whose son decided to ctb when he was 23. I have never got over it. It is the biggest obstacle in my enjoyment of life and it's the same for his brother.

I would be happy to listen if you want to talk.

 

[felixwasabsurd]

Can I ask you why you want to ctb. I am not here to judge you. Only to let you know that there are always options and other ways of looking at your life that are worth thinking about.

I ask ask a father whose son decided to ctb when he was 23. I have never got over it. It is the biggest obstacle in my enjoyment of life and it's the same for his brother.

I would be happy to listen if you want to talk.

I'm sorry to hear that about your son, I hope he is in a better place. It feels selfish, but even though I have a good life or at least an average one and caring relationships, I have always felt disconnected from the world around me, it might have to do with my childhood but I barely feel alive anymore and I genuinely believe Ive lived enough, I'm sorry for your loss and it anguishes me to think about my parents after I'm gone, but life stopped having a reason to be enjoyable. I'm just existing now, I'm not living

 

[Valky]

"Grieving myself" :/
That really hit. Please don't put pressure on yourself, whether it is about becoming more focused or ctb. There is no time limit to anything. Take your time, we are both young, we shouldn't be rushed into becoming adults and taking care of ourselves like that.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Can I ask you why you want to ctb. I am not here to judge you. Only to let you know that there are always options and other ways of looking at your life that are worth thinking about.

I ask ask a father whose son decided to ctb when he was 23. I have never got over it. It is the biggest obstacle in my enjoyment of life and it's the same for his brother.

I would be happy to listen if you want to talk.

I'm really sorry about your boy.
But your posts are seen as prolifer comments. If you are really here to help others,please keep it restricted to the recovery section.

 

[abon]

its really upsetting when parents just don't try at all to understand :/ i have autism and dyspraxia. my dyspraxia effects me physically (and mentally, but especially physically) and it makes doing easy things, like going for a walk, really tiring and sore, but i still get called lazy for being inside often or being asleep for really long amounts of time. i hope one day your mother is able to understand you. shit sucks