Good night
Kuolema tulee~~
- Jan 18, 2026
- 28
TL;DR: My mother constantly throws my things away, and this time it was almost all of my medication.
I need to provide some context for this to be understood. I am a 30-year-old trans woman who, for mental health reasons, like many other people here, has barely been able to work and lives with her "mother." I have been transitioning for over five years, which my mother hates with all her heart: because of intolerance, because of religious reasons, because she hates me? Whatever.
I have overdosed on medication several times, so five years ago I was in the hospital several times: in the emergency room, in internal medicine, once in the psychiatric ward... By the third or fourth time, my mother got tired of calling the ambulance, of the police coming to my house, etc., so when I left the hospital that time, even though I hadn't fully regained consciousness, my brother picked me up and took me to my "grandmother's" house, because my "mother" had kicked me out of the house.
I don't know what she put in my suitcase, but when things were "sorted out" and I was able to return home, almost everything in my room had been thrown away. My mother has always been like that. If she didn't like a T-shirt I had, for example, she would simply throw it away without saying anything when she did the laundry. Her response was that she didn't know where it was, or she would scold me for losing it.
Part of my life was in my room in the form of objects: my comics, my puzzles, my Rubik's cubes, my clothes... There are so many things I don't remember anymore. All of that vanished. I don't like to confront things, so I didn't say anything, except once when I asked about my cubes, and she told me they were "put away," until I stopped asking.
During this time, she threw away whatever she wanted: women's clothes, medication... I had to go from September to February without hormones or antiandrogens, with the hormonal storm that entails, with regressions to my previous sex, with testosterone levels skyrocketing again... I discussed the situation with my primary care physician, my psychiatrist, my endocrinologist... no one helped me, so I could only wait.
Now, once again, almost all my medication has disappeared: my antidepressant, my antipsychotic, my hormones, my antiandrogen... I won't get the antiandrogen back for almost a whole year: I can't hold out that long. So now I'm at a loss, with thoughts of death, with the idea of going to the hospital to scream into the void for some help...
I also have a locked suitcase where I keep women's clothing. He has repeatedly told me that he doesn't want it there and that he's going to end up breaking it. At the slightest thing, he threatens to kick me out of the house, and since I was little, there have been constant attacks, especially verbal ones. I don't know if it's because I have autism, but he constantly calls me "retarded," among other things.
I apologize for the length of this vent.
I need to provide some context for this to be understood. I am a 30-year-old trans woman who, for mental health reasons, like many other people here, has barely been able to work and lives with her "mother." I have been transitioning for over five years, which my mother hates with all her heart: because of intolerance, because of religious reasons, because she hates me? Whatever.
I have overdosed on medication several times, so five years ago I was in the hospital several times: in the emergency room, in internal medicine, once in the psychiatric ward... By the third or fourth time, my mother got tired of calling the ambulance, of the police coming to my house, etc., so when I left the hospital that time, even though I hadn't fully regained consciousness, my brother picked me up and took me to my "grandmother's" house, because my "mother" had kicked me out of the house.
I don't know what she put in my suitcase, but when things were "sorted out" and I was able to return home, almost everything in my room had been thrown away. My mother has always been like that. If she didn't like a T-shirt I had, for example, she would simply throw it away without saying anything when she did the laundry. Her response was that she didn't know where it was, or she would scold me for losing it.
Part of my life was in my room in the form of objects: my comics, my puzzles, my Rubik's cubes, my clothes... There are so many things I don't remember anymore. All of that vanished. I don't like to confront things, so I didn't say anything, except once when I asked about my cubes, and she told me they were "put away," until I stopped asking.
During this time, she threw away whatever she wanted: women's clothes, medication... I had to go from September to February without hormones or antiandrogens, with the hormonal storm that entails, with regressions to my previous sex, with testosterone levels skyrocketing again... I discussed the situation with my primary care physician, my psychiatrist, my endocrinologist... no one helped me, so I could only wait.
Now, once again, almost all my medication has disappeared: my antidepressant, my antipsychotic, my hormones, my antiandrogen... I won't get the antiandrogen back for almost a whole year: I can't hold out that long. So now I'm at a loss, with thoughts of death, with the idea of going to the hospital to scream into the void for some help...
I also have a locked suitcase where I keep women's clothing. He has repeatedly told me that he doesn't want it there and that he's going to end up breaking it. At the slightest thing, he threatens to kick me out of the house, and since I was little, there have been constant attacks, especially verbal ones. I don't know if it's because I have autism, but he constantly calls me "retarded," among other things.
I apologize for the length of this vent.
