Help My life is worthless...can anyone relate?

[beyondbreath]

Idk how I'm supposed to keep going when I feel like life is meaningless and pointless. Not only do I have 15+ yrs depression and anxiety disorder but I've recently realized my life has no meaning or purpose at all. I feel like a massive waste of space.



"Make your own meaning!" But that's not good enough. I look at all the millions of stars and reading a good book just isn't enough for me.


And I hate feeling this way not only because it hurts me but it's changing how I see other people too. I am not a person who sees the homeless and disabled and thinks hateful things. I have compassion and always have. But now I look at people, people of all kinds, and all I can think is what a waste of space and resources we all are....it's horrible. I don't recognize myself.



What am I supposed to do? How does one find happiness and meaning when you've been mentally ill for so long, done all the therapy, taken the meds, done the meditation? And you're still stuck?

 

[whyyyyyyyy]

I can relate. Still stuck, of limited use to others, not really having any fun on your own either, everything feels exhausting, including efforts to "make things right", so exhausting that you rightly question whether it's really worth doing, yet continuing to be strung along, dragging through life, because despite it not being all that, I'm still too attached to life, even in this state of being, to have the courage to die. It feels like the answer in this situation is to either go on a bold, spontaneous adventure that will transform you, or just kill yourself. Or grind in the middle, in limbo, which is what I'm doing.

I wish there were a clear answer, it's the uncertainty about making the right choice while desperately craving relief that is tough. That's a very persistent background pain.

Yeah, what is this all going to amount to? Will things ever get better? Or am I just an absolute fool who's also destined for a worse and worse life. Maybe a terrible afterlife too.

So yes, I relate

 

[Lions303]

Im sorry things are really tough right now. I dont think those thoughts are horrible, they're just thoughts. I really wish I could say 'oh you just do this and this and everything is amazing again' but no. Having said that, like any 'problem' firstly recognizing something is happening is the best first step. Is there anything you like doing? Any hobbies? Interests or anything? Just anything thats for yourself from yourself?