Venting My life is falling apart and I have no clue on what to do

[OliverTreeLver]

I messed up and now I feel like everyone is going to leave me. I am not claiming that it wouldn't be deserved, but it led to me being in a horrid state and considering CTB again. It has been years since the last attempt, and now I feel like I have fallen into my darkest moments. College is around the corner and I am so lost without any guidance. I feel like I don't deserve to feel this way. I have a boyfriend, and a plan for what I want to do. I am invalid with my feelings because I am not in a bad position. I have a rich family and a good college wants me. Why do I still want to CTB? Is there no hope for me?

My boyfriend hasn't texted me all day and it is making me worried. I wonder if he is mad at me. I wonder if he is going to leave me. I tried apologizing but I think it doesn't matter in the long run, he is going to hate me eventually like everyone does. I am just a lost cause. I feel like a husk of nothingness. I need therapy.

 

[FlameWhisperer]

Yes you do.
Now log out and delete your account

What was that for? There's nicer ways to say what you intended... For someone who clearly shows to be in a lot of pain, and in inner conflict with the self, that is not much helpful, you know...

I messed up and now I feel like everyone is going to leave me. I am not claiming that it wouldn't be deserved, but it led to me being in a horrid state and considering CTB again. It has been years since the last attempt, and now I feel like I have fallen into my darkest moments. College is around the corner and I am so lost without any guidance. I feel like I don't deserve to feel this way. I have a boyfriend, and a plan for what I want to do. I am invalid with my feelings because I am not in a bad position. I have a rich family and a good college wants me. Why do I still want to CTB? Is there no hope for me?

My boyfriend hasn't texted me all day and it is making me worried. I wonder if he is mad at me. I wonder if he is going to leave me. I tried apologizing but I think it doesn't matter in the long run, he is going to hate me eventually like everyone does. I am just a lost cause. I feel like a husk of nothingness. I need therapy.

I don't know if this was you just venting or looking for advice, or someone to just listen to you, so disregard my next words if you are not looking got anything like this, I mean no harm.

Did you two fight or something alike? Is there any plausible reason that happened recently that can explain him being mad at you? If not, perhaps he is just busy and can't get over his phone at the moment, and will get back to you later, for instance.

Wishing you the best, and it is unfortunate that we can only listen to you and be here, but not really do anything to help you further. If you think you need therapy, you may want to start there, to make an appointment, see how that goes, perhaps it can help. Regardless of what you choose, your choice is still yours to make, but still, you can first try to look for help before you decide anything, if you haven't yet.

 

[HumansAreHell]

Yes you do.
Now log out and delete your account

Delete yours just like you deleted your empathy.

 

[Georg]

What was that for? There's nicer ways to say what you intended... For someone who clearly shows to be in a lot of pain, and in inner conflict with the self, that is not much helpful, you know...

Delete yours just like you deleted your empathy.

She made an account here bc her boyfriend didn't text her for some hours!!

 

[FlameWhisperer]

She made an account here bc her boyfriend didn't text her for some hours!!

Don't just go on assuming things. We don't know anything about the OP. Besides, the account was created on February, 17th, not now.

Sometimes, if we only have hostile things to say, and we are just assuming whatever the hell we want without proper factual information of what is happening, it's probably best left unsaid, just an opinion of mine.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's best to take no notice of insensitive people on here, this is supposed to be a place for suffering people to vent without being judged for it, and if some people have a problem with this then nobody is forcing them to come on this site.
But anyway, best wishes OP.

 

[Shy_Shay]

What was that for? There's nicer ways to say what you intended... For someone who clearly shows to be in a lot of pain, and in inner conflict with the self, that is not much helpful, you know...



I don't know if this was you just venting or looking for advice, or someone to just listen to you, so disregard my next words if you are not looking got anything like this, I mean no harm.

Did you two fight or something alike? Is there any plausible reason that happened recently that can explain him being mad at you? If not, perhaps he is just busy and can't get over his phone at the moment, and will get back to you later, for instance.

Wishing you the best, and it is unfortunate that we can only listen to you and be here, but not really do anything to help you further. If you think you need therapy, you may want to start there, to make an appointment, see how that goes, perhaps it can help. Regardless of what you choose, your choice is still yours to make, but still, you can first try to look for help before you decide anything, if you haven't yet.

Like he said don't jump to conclusion just yet at least about your bf, stay calm and wait or call him if you can, if he truly loves you he will come around whatever problem you both have right now and help, suporte you in this moment.

I messed up and now I feel like everyone is going to leave me. I am not claiming that it wouldn't be deserved, but it led to me being in a horrid state and considering CTB again. It has been years since the last attempt, and now I feel like I have fallen into my darkest moments. College is around the corner and I am so lost without any guidance. I feel like I don't deserve to feel this way. I have a boyfriend, and a plan for what I want to do. I am invalid with my feelings because I am not in a bad position. I have a rich family and a good college wants me. Why do I still want to CTB? Is there no hope for me?

My boyfriend hasn't texted me all day and it is making me worried. I wonder if he is mad at me. I wonder if he is going to leave me. I tried apologizing but I think it doesn't matter in the long run, he is going to hate me eventually like everyone does. I am just a lost cause. I feel like a husk of nothingness. I need therapy.

"Guided be those who share our pain and suffering, guided be those who stuck around for our best and our worst, guided be those who share in our happiness for they who are worth keeping and living withed", like i said before if he truly loves you he will come around and for those who love you they won't leave remember those who have stay despite everyone else leaving and you might find someone worth keeping until the very end. I am sorry if i didn't help at all, but i hope you understand.

 

[ihatemen420]

Yes you do.
Now log out and delete your account

Feel ashamed of yourself for making this comment. That is an order.

 

[Shy_Shay]

She made an account here bc her boyfriend didn't text her for some hours!!

and you act like a asshole instead of helping, so who is better person here? you? grown up

 

[OliverTreeLver]

She made an account here bc her boyfriend didn't text her for some hours!!

I made my account here a while ago, I just haven't been active. It has been an ongoing thing. Please don't jump to conclusions about my life. Also, I am not a her. I use they/them.

What was that for? There's nicer ways to say what you intended... For someone who clearly shows to be in a lot of pain, and in inner conflict with the self, that is not much helpful, you know...



I don't know if this was you just venting or looking for advice, or someone to just listen to you, so disregard my next words if you are not looking got anything like this, I mean no harm.

Did you two fight or something alike? Is there any plausible reason that happened recently that can explain him being mad at you? If not, perhaps he is just busy and can't get over his phone at the moment, and will get back to you later, for instance.

Wishing you the best, and it is unfortunate that we can only listen to you and be here, but not really do anything to help you further. If you think you need therapy, you may want to start there, to make an appointment, see how that goes, perhaps it can help. Regardless of what you choose, your choice is still yours to make, but still, you can first try to look for help before you decide anything, if you haven't yet.

Thank you, I have sent a message to him and hope for a reply. I made the post mid-panic attack because it felt like my world was crumbling around me. Recently we have had some issues with eachother. The other day however, we got into a huge argument and now he has been distant. I am worried though because all my friends are through him and all my social networks are through him. He is so deep-seeded in my life that if he leaves me it would make me feel worthless and left alone with nobody to go to. I appreciate the kind words and I hope that I can get the therapy I need, it is really hard for me with relationships due to my severe BPD.

It's best to take no notice of insensitive people on here, this is supposed to be a place for suffering people to vent without being judged for it, and if some people have a problem with this then nobody is forcing them to come on this site.
But anyway, best wishes OP.

Thank you, I have reached out to him and am seeking therapy online.

Like he said don't jump to conclusion just yet at least about your bf, stay calm and wait or call him if you can, if he truly loves you he will come around whatever problem you both have right now and help, suporte you in this moment.

"Guided be those who share our pain and suffering, guided be those who stuck around for our best and our worst, guided be those who share in our happiness for they who are worth keeping and living withed", like i said before if he truly loves you he will come around and for those who love you they won't leave remember those who have stay despite everyone else leaving and you might find someone worth keeping until the very end. I am sorry if i didn't help at all, but i hope you understand.

Thank you for the kind words and support, I really appreciate it. I have reached out and now seeking therapy online.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I messed up and now I feel like everyone is going to leave me. I am not claiming that it wouldn't be deserved, but it led to me being in a horrid state and considering CTB again. It has been years since the last attempt, and now I feel like I have fallen into my darkest moments. College is around the corner and I am so lost without any guidance. I feel like I don't deserve to feel this way. I have a boyfriend, and a plan for what I want to do. I am invalid with my feelings because I am not in a bad position. I have a rich family and a good college wants me. Why do I still want to CTB? Is there no hope for me?

My boyfriend hasn't texted me all day and it is making me worried. I wonder if he is mad at me. I wonder if he is going to leave me. I tried apologizing but I think it doesn't matter in the long run, he is going to hate me eventually like everyone does. I am just a lost cause. I feel like a husk of nothingness. I need therapy.

What did you do that will drive everyone away? I understand if you don't want to share.

It's normal to feel overwhelmed when you are entering adulthood. You say you need guidance, which is an understandable need. But you also say you have a plan for your future. What does that plan look like and what other things do you need guidance with?

If you are having suicidal thoughts, then your position isn't entirely good. Lots of people have expressed the same kind of sentiments. They have a good life, so they have no right to feel this way. Well, the fact that so many people have said similar things shows that what ever advantages you have don't negate whatever pain you're feeling because the sheer number of people who say similar things shows that feeling suicidal isn't incompatible with having these advantages.

Other people have given the right advice about being careful about jumping to conclusions, which is something we are all susceptible to doing.

If you're open to the idea, therapy might be beneficial.

 

[OliverTreeLver]

What did you do that will drive everyone away? I understand if you don't want to share.

It's normal to feel overwhelmed when you are entering adulthood. You say you need guidance, which is an understandable need. But you also say you have a plan for your future. What does that plan look like and what other things do you need guidance with?

If you are having suicidal thoughts, then your position isn't entirely good. Lots of people have expressed the same kind of sentiments. They have a good life, so they have no right to feel this way. Well, the fact that so many people have said similar things shows that what ever advantages you have don't negate whatever pain you're feeling because the sheer number of people who say similar things shows that feeling suicidal isn't incompatible with having these advantages.

Other people have given the right advice about being careful about jumping to conclusions, which is something we are all susceptible to doing.

If you're open to the idea, therapy might be beneficial.

I had an argument with my boyfriend, and all my social life is all connected to him. All my friends were originally his friends and he is in almost all my classes in school. If we were to break up, it would be impossible to avoid him and would be impossible to have a social life with any of my friends currently. I am a very shy and closed off person, so making friends is rather difficult for me. I tend to keep to myself, and the only social interactions I do have is during my weekly Dungeons and Dragons sessions, which him and his friends are the players. It would leave me ruined to lose him, plus I still love him deeply and don't want to lose him. I don't know what to do. I reached out to him today, and I am awaiting his response. It goes deeper, but it isn't something I am comfortable with sharing. Another thing to note is I suffer from major BPD, so it can be really tolling on him. I just wish to be better.

My plans for the future are very straight forward. I already got into college, and I want to go into zoology. I already have an obsession with animals and keep notebooks about the animals I see when I hike outside. The issue is that I feel like I am a failure and convincingly gaslight myself (while having panic attacks) into believing I can't do anything in life. Now that I am calm, I know this isn't true. It still doesn't help that I am terrified about moving on into college and leaving my parents. They hate me, but I don't want to be alone. I am afraid of dying.

I did jump to a conclusion, and I struggle a lot with doing that. That ties back into the BPD and other slew of mental disorders I suffer from. Thank you for the kind words though in the third paragraph. I deeply appreciate it, and it can be hard for myself to justify how I feel. I have been taught throughout my life that I have to be perfect, so it is really hard to understand that I am hurting. I appreciate it, thank you.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I had an argument with my boyfriend, and all my social life is all connected to him. All my friends were originally his friends and he is in almost all my classes in school. If we were to break up, it would be impossible to avoid him and would be impossible to have a social life with any of my friends currently. I am a very shy and closed off person, so making friends is rather difficult for me. I tend to keep to myself, and the only social interactions I do have is during my weekly Dungeons and Dragons sessions, which him and his friends are the players. It would leave me ruined to lose him, plus I still love him deeply and don't want to lose him. I don't know what to do. I reached out to him today, and I am awaiting his response. It goes deeper, but it isn't something I am comfortable with sharing. Another thing to note is I suffer from major BPD, so it can be really tolling on him. I just wish to be better.

My plans for the future are very straight forward. I already got into college, and I want to go into zoology. I already have an obsession with animals and keep notebooks about the animals I see when I hike outside. The issue is that I feel like I am a failure and convincingly gaslight myself (while having panic attacks) into believing I can't do anything in life. Now that I am calm, I know this isn't true. It still doesn't help that I am terrified about moving on into college and leaving my parents. They hate me, but I don't want to be alone. I am afraid of dying.

I did jump to a conclusion, and I struggle a lot with doing that. That ties back into the BPD and other slew of mental disorders I suffer from. Thank you for the kind words though in the third paragraph. I deeply appreciate it, and it can be hard for myself to justify how I feel. I have been taught throughout my life that I have to be perfect, so it is really hard to understand that I am hurting. I appreciate it, thank you.

Have you ever done DBT?

Zoology is a good thing to study. Looking into volunteering at a wildlife rehab place might be worth doing. It'll take you out of your head.

It's normal to question one's capabilities. That's why there is a term was coined for it: impostor syndrome. But you said you got into a good college. One doesn't get into good colleges by sheer luck. They wouldn't have admitted you if you hadn't been deemed unworthy.

 

[OliverTreeLver]

Have you ever done DBT?

Zoology is a good thing to study. Looking into volunteering at a wildlife rehab place might be worth doing. It'll take you out of your head.

It's normal to question one's capabilities. That's why there is a term was coined for it: impostor syndrome. But you said you got into a good college. One doesn't get into good colleges by sheer luck. They wouldn't have admitted you if you hadn't been deemed unworthy.

Yeah, I had for a long while and I got diagnosed with a slew of things before losing my therapist. I do have imposter syndrome sometimes, but since it isn't recognized as an official mental health problem I don't have meds. I have BPD diagnosed and also Autism. I have other stuff, but it is irrelevant to the situation. I need to get into touch with the clinic I used to go to because maybe I can get an in-person therapist again. Idk how to pay for it, but I can find a way. I'd rather be in debt than to want to CTB.

Thank you for the suggestion, I appreciate it.