Venting My Husband Hates Me

[Railiah P]

I married a man who allowed me to believe he was my soulmate. He told me everyday that he loved me for years. He still says it "out of habit", but he has told me several times recently that he does not love me. We argue all the time now. He told me that he never wants to have children with me. He is always so mean to me. I fear that I will be lonely and unloved for the rest of my miserable existence. I keep asking him why he married me. He says he doesn't know. I feel like he is torturing me because he hates me and wants to see me suffer. I'm so full of shame and sorrow. I really hope to CTB soon. I really just need to build up the courage.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I wonder if your husband doesn't have a problem of his own. I love my husband but sometimes it's the opposite.

 

[Railiah P]

I wonder if your husband doesn't have a problem of his own. I love my husband but sometimes it's the opposite.

According to him, his problem is me. He suggested marriage counseling. I want to but I feel like he is just going to use that as an opportunity to publicly humiliate me.

 

[Life_and_Death]

According to him, his problem is me. He suggested marriage counseling. I want to but I feel like he is just going to use that as an opportunity to publicly humiliate me.

Yeah... No. I'll admit my problem is my disorders. You can try marriage counseling but if he's automatically blaming you, I wouldnt. It sounds like a pointless endevour. A relationship, any kind be it a SO, friend, family, is 50/50 and he doesn't seem to be even putting in 1%.

 

[Railiah P]

Yeah... No. I'll admit my problem is my disorders. You can try marriage counseling but if he's automatically blaming you, I wouldnt. It sounds like a pointless endevour. A relationship, any kind be it a SO, friend, family, is 50/50 and he doesn't seem to be even putting in 1%.

That's what I said. I shouldn't have married him. I should have known it was too good to be true and saved myself from this pain.

 

[Soulless Angel]

If you feel it's not working, then can you work on separating, it sounds toxic, and clearly this isn't a forever marriage. Have you asked his thoughts on what he want's to do? If he clearly hates you so much as you say, then he could also possibly be looking for a way out, but waiting for you to make that first move, so he doesn't have too.

 

[Railiah P]

If you feel it's not working, then can you work on separating, it sounds toxic, and clearly this isn't a forever marriage. Have you asked his thoughts on what he want's to do? If he clearly hates you so much as you say, then he could also possibly be looking for a way out, but waiting for you to make that first move, so he doesn't have too.

I asked him today if he wants to get divorced. That's when he suggested marriage counseling. I don't want to get divorced. I just want to be treated kindly.

 

[Soulless Angel]

I asked him today if he wants to get divorced. That's when he suggested marriage counseling. I don't want to get divorced. I just want to be treated kindly.

its hard some people say people can't change, but I know they can, but it takes a lot of hard work and dedication and a want from both sides. Not just via counselling.
If you don't want to go down that route then you either need to sit down wiht him and tell him exactly what you feel, how he makes you feel and so forth, then you need to hear his side too, no interrupting each other just let it out, if talking isn't an option to each other without an argument, then write a letter. Leave it for him to read when you are not watching over him. Let him read it and respond as he feels able, either by talking or by writing back

 

[Railiah P]

its hard some people say people can't change, but I know they can, but it takes a lot of hard work and dedication and a want from both sides. Not just via counselling.
If you don't want to go down that route then you either need to sit down wiht him and tell him exactly what you feel, how he makes you feel and so forth, then you need to hear his side too, no interrupting each other just let it out, if talking isn't an option to each other without an argument, then write a letter. Leave it for him to read when you are not watching over him. Let him read it and respond as he feels able, either by talking or by writing back

Thanks I'll try.

 

[Meditation guide]

I feel like he is torturing me because he hates me and wants to see me suffer. I

I hope you can find some way to leave the bastard and never look back. No reason to live that way if you possibly can break free of that kind of abuse.

 

[sadworld]

The best thing for you is to leave him. Things won't get better if you stay with him, it will just get worse.

 

[Railiah P]

I'm worried that a marriage counselor is going to say the same, "leave him". If only it were that simple. I'd like to try to save our relationship first. Get back to what made me believe we were soulmates.

...a little off topic but I found some SN and ordered it. . . Figured I'll give it a try

 

[sarahR]

The best thing for you is to leave him. Things won't get better if you stay with him, it will just get worse.

That would be the ideal thing i agree with you.

 

[Soulless Angel]

I'm worried that a marriage counselor is going to say the same, "leave him". If only it were that simple. I'd like to try to save our relationship first. Get back to what made me believe we were soulmates.

...a little off topic but I found some SN and ordered it. . . Figured I'll give it a try

a marriage councillor wouldn't say that, they are there for you and to find out what you want. They would try and work through your issues and find out where each person stands in regards to the marriage then take it from there

 

[antigone_iris]

I'm worried that a marriage counselor is going to say the same, "leave him". If only it were that simple. I'd like to try to save our relationship first. Get back to what made me believe we were soulmates.

...a little off topic but I found some SN and ordered it. . . Figured I'll give it a try

I'm sorry you're going through a situation like that. You deserve to be loved. Isn't there a possibility of taking some time apart from each other and perhaps trying counselling during that time? If you need to talk to someone, we're here for you. I understand that you're going through a lot of pain, but please don't hurry with the SN. Ctb is a big decision that requires some thought and acquiring enough information. I hope that whatever choice you make, you'll find peace. Much love

 

[victoria91]

Hi if you want to pm me please do. I feel somewhat in a very similar situation and this is my reason I want to ctb. Would be nice to talk to someone

 

[CoalmineCanary]

My partner would hijack every counselling session to focus on him.

Hope this is of help:

 

[Symbiote]

A marriage counselor will either say, "get a divorce" or learn how to cope with your husband's bad attitude if you decide to stay. Luckily for you, being a woman and all, the court systems in marriage are stacked in your favor. If he treats you like shit, you can file divorce and claim alimony as well. You still get 50% of whatever he has and he'll have to pay it until you get remarried or tell the courts to turn it off.

 

[Meditation guide]

Dr. Grande isn't the best one on youtube on this subject, there are better ones. But it's a start. He's very dry. But narcissists start out in this amazing love stage and end up in the hating stage. It never fails to follow this pattern. It never gets better.

 

[CoalmineCanary]

Dr. Grande isn't the best one on youtube on this subject, there are better ones. But it's a start.

He's very dry. But narcissists start out in this amazing love stage and end up in the hating stage. It never fails to follow this pattern. It never gets better.

Can't disagree with you. "Dry" is the right word I think. Thank you for that. I was thinking "wry" myself.

This was my personal introduction to narcissism that I found helpful.

 

[TheEndisNear121200]

Dr. Grande isn't the best one on youtube on this subject, there are better ones. But it's a start. He's very dry. But narcissists start out in this amazing love stage and end up in the hating stage. It never fails to follow this pattern. It never gets better.

Never knew that narcissistic relationships follow this pattern. Thank you for the info.

, but he has told me several times recently that he does not love me. We argue all the time now. He told me that he never wants to have children with me. He is always so mean to me

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Your husband does sound like a narcissist devaluing your emotions, I hope you don't ignore the red flags anymore and find yourself a good therapist or lawyer.
We're here for you

 

[summers]

I married a man who allowed me to believe he was my soulmate. He told me everyday that he loved me for years. He still says it "out of habit", but he has told me several times recently that he does not love me. We argue all the time now. He told me that he never wants to have children with me. He is always so mean to me. I fear that I will be lonely and unloved for the rest of my miserable existence. I keep asking him why he married me. He says he doesn't know. I feel like he is torturing me because he hates me and wants to see me suffer. I'm so full of shame and sorrow. I really hope to CTB soon. I really just need to build up the courage.

Not to oversimplify, but really, fuck this guy. Leave and I bet you will feel better almost immediately. There is nothing holding you captive to this guy. If you are reliant on him for money, food, shelter, transportation, etc.. Take this as a lesson to never rely on anyone again.

I know I'm a guy, and maybe there is some difference, but I have never relied on anyone from the age of 18. It was important for me to always be in control of my own life. I got divorced after 10 years of marriage, and knowing my ex for close to 20 years. I just up and left. I was fine, and so was she because we always made sure to keep that independence. We are best friends still. It was the right thing to do. Maybe to save some kind of relationship, you need to go your separate ways.

I got a vasectomy at a very young age - best choice I ever made. Maybe this guy doesn't want kids. There is no compromise on children - just like pets you either have one or you don't. He doesn't want kids, or he doesn't want them with you. If you want children, obviously this isn't the guy for you. Don't try to compromise on this. You will wind up a single parent or worse, stuck in a failing relationship for the sake of your kids.

Finally, from your other thread, please don't use that 380. This guy is already fucking your life. You don't need to wind up a vegetable or disfigured because of him as well.

 

[Ghost2211]

The best thing you can do is divorce and move on. He is emotionally abusive, and the fact that he only wants to fix things when you want to leave is further proof of that. I tried couples therapy with my abusive ex, and both of them said he's treating you badly, leave. You know you're not being respected and loved. I know it feels like there is only darkness and loneliness if you leave (I felt that way too), but it really isn't like that at all. You will heal and grow once you're away from someone that belittles and blames you non stop.

 

[Meditation guide]

Ross Rosenberg is excellent. He explains that those who stay with abusive narcissists are as he calls it "self love deficient" because if you had normal "self love" you would leave and know not to put up with the abuse. So realize it's you fitting in to this horrible relationship like a key fits in a lock.