Venting My health is everyone's burden

[Toy]

I've been so sick lately physically that I have no energy to even try to CTB. I had to go to the ER due to my heart problems, had a code blue called on me almost immediately since they thought my specific type of heart syndrome was actually myself experiencing cardiac arrest. An hour later they just confirmed that I have been having issues with my tachycardia. I'm going to back-to-back appointments. I bought myself proper tools to help me with these problems (cane, heart monitoring watch, etc.) and yet I feel embarrassed and burdening bringing that around with me even though I need it or else I won't even be able to walk properly. I'm still young (20) and look way younger than my age so I think i'm being stared at and judged for needing a cane so young. Employment Services as well as other people think I may not be fit to even work at the moment due to my health issues. If i'm not already going into pre-syncope the second I stand up, I cannot stand for more than 5-10 minutes without chronic pain catching up. It's making me miserable.

I want to be able to work, I feel as though if I don't get a job for myself and hold it down then I don't have a purpose to be alive. If I can't make an income for myself through a job, why am I here? With everything set so expensive, how am I supposed to live? I can't leave my house in this weather and i'm already so drained and tired but I can't relax. I'm trying hard to check if i'm eligible for MAID in my country, I don't have luck with gaining what I need to CTB at the moment without the police showing up to question me about my purchases. SI is making it worse. I'm tired.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds so horrible and tiring what you've been through, it's such a cruel world we exist in where people suffer endlessly all through no fault of their own. I certainly hate how difficult it is to leave this world, but anyway I wish you the best.