freedompass
Warlock
- Jan 27, 2021
- 768
You know some griefs/regrets are on a 'generally acceptable' continuum. Some make you seem like a good, even saintly person. Mine, I can't even divulge without seeming to cross some sort of invisible line. Well here goes, judge away I guess. I had an unplanned pregnancy which I would have aborted had I known. Yes, I'm a veteran of 3 abortions, no regrets about those, but I completely fucked up single parenthood to such a degree that my son says he doesn't feel like he has parents. I had severe psychotic manic episodes, my mum intervened but that didn't work out. My son feels alienated from our family. That said he's lived as pretty much a hikikomori at her house for the last 7 years.
But yeah the point of this post isn't to weep wail and gnash my teeth lol since I already do plenty of that. I am very sympathetic to antinatalist philosophy but they all think parents are the devil and rarely seem to acknowledge that 'accidents' happen all the time as do rape babies and so on. If I come out and say I wish I hadn't given birth, or wish I had been aborted myself I will be jumped on. Generally people seem pretty averse to hearing this stuff. Then many will find me cold, unnatural, a (shock horror)'bad mother'. No recognition that I had very limited choice in the matter especially given how mentally unstable I was at the time.
Well, it doesn't mean I don't crave and desire some sort of relationship with my only child. I don't know if he will ever forgive me or see me as a fallible human being rather than some sort of abandoning demon. He's 26 by the way.
So yeah. It's hard to share honestly. Actually in my situation I am actively BLAMED and PUNISHED for being honest. I am wrong for ever saying I regret having been a parent. You just can't do that. I saw the massive backlash received by a guy who shared on reddit regretting parenthood and admitting to not liking his 5 year old daughter. Comments were full of people saying how they had been messed up for life by feeling unwanted by their parents and telling the guy to get therapy or give up the child for adoption. In the end I commented saying look my mum at least very much wanted me but I would have preferred to be aborted, I am still as fucked up as all hell!
Feel free to share here what you can't elsewhere!
But yeah the point of this post isn't to weep wail and gnash my teeth lol since I already do plenty of that. I am very sympathetic to antinatalist philosophy but they all think parents are the devil and rarely seem to acknowledge that 'accidents' happen all the time as do rape babies and so on. If I come out and say I wish I hadn't given birth, or wish I had been aborted myself I will be jumped on. Generally people seem pretty averse to hearing this stuff. Then many will find me cold, unnatural, a (shock horror)'bad mother'. No recognition that I had very limited choice in the matter especially given how mentally unstable I was at the time.
Well, it doesn't mean I don't crave and desire some sort of relationship with my only child. I don't know if he will ever forgive me or see me as a fallible human being rather than some sort of abandoning demon. He's 26 by the way.
So yeah. It's hard to share honestly. Actually in my situation I am actively BLAMED and PUNISHED for being honest. I am wrong for ever saying I regret having been a parent. You just can't do that. I saw the massive backlash received by a guy who shared on reddit regretting parenthood and admitting to not liking his 5 year old daughter. Comments were full of people saying how they had been messed up for life by feeling unwanted by their parents and telling the guy to get therapy or give up the child for adoption. In the end I commented saying look my mum at least very much wanted me but I would have preferred to be aborted, I am still as fucked up as all hell!
Feel free to share here what you can't elsewhere!