My grandfather died peacefully in his sleep last night

[Anhedonic]

I was woken up to the news. I wasn't fully conscious so I didn't quite process the reality of the words as I heard them. My brain came online when I heard the phrase "that's how we'd all like to go - peacefully in our sleep".

Yes, that's exactly what I've been fantasising about obsessively for the past couple of months...

...and then I backtracked and realised what this actually meant. My dad's dad is dead.

It's been a strange day: calls to undertakers who arrived in hazmat suits to take him away in a body bag; calls to family and friends to notify them of the news; seeing how my dad has been affected and watching my mum console him. It's all made death harrowingly tangible.

I don't quite know why I'm sharing this here. I guess this has been a bit of a wake up call for me. Death is real. It hurts people, even when it's been anticipated for a while.

I'm still torn. Part of me is almost envious, wishing I could live in a world where death at any age, by any means, could be accepted as much as people accept deaths of the elderly. But alas, I don't exist in that world so there's no point in indulging in that fantasy. If I kill myself I will destroy those who love me, and no amount of preparation or refining of notes will lessen that. I'm going to take a step back and really try to consider this.

If you got this far, I hope this was worth sharing and provided some food for thought. I'm not trying to pass judgement or provoke guilt, just giving some perspective.

 

[mesohappy]

Im sorry for the loss and pain/confusion that you and family are going through right now.....Brings back old feelings for me.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

So sorry for your loss. Having someone close to us pass on, does make death suddenly very real and very final.
I dont know your story, but i hope your next choices will br right for you

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I'm happy for your grandfather—few things are worse than a slow, drawn out death with lots of unnecessary suffering and confusion.
.
How old was he? Was it a surprise or did you and your family expect him to die soon?

 

[Blutsager]

Hello, friend.

First and foremost, I would like you to focus on the positivity of thinking that he left in the most peaceful and beautiful ways to go, as you have explained. I hope my grandparents leave this same way.

Other than that, I understand the suffering of your family members who still remain. It is a shame they can't find consolation on this, on knowing he left in such a peaceful way.

All this being said, I wanna address back with your final thoughts: how considering the suffering of others on your demise may discourage you from doing it.
It is a very noble cause to care for others so much, you are willing to endure suffering for them. It shows that you are a person with great compasion, trully a good person, for caring for others at this point. That being said... their suffering will never be as terrible as yours, if you are at a point at which you are willing to CTB.

I do not, under any circumstance, encourage you to CTB, rather to ensure you remain free of any restrains to make your decisions, should they be to leave or to stay. Know that we support you either way. But the truth is, should they decide, after you leave, to continue on this earth, it is their decision, and they will make the most out of their lives, finding happiness in their own ways. But as for you, you must find your own reasons to continue on. And if none lay ahead of you... then I don't want you to prolong your suffering for any more than it should last. In the end, your suffering is your own, and yours alone.

I hope your family may find peace on this world. For they deserve it. So do you.

Best regards, my friend.

 

[itsamadworld]

I'm happy that another soul is at peace, and doesn't have to be in this rotten world.....I work in hospice and palliative care. for like what seems forever now...well 9 years...I'm always envious/jealous of the patients that I care for, when they die. That's one of the most difficult aspects of my job....

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I was woken up to the news. I wasn't fully conscious so I didn't quite process the reality of the words as I heard them. My brain came online when I heard the phrase "that's how we'd all like to go - peacefully in our sleep".

Yes, that's exactly what I've been fantasising about obsessively for the past couple of months...

...and then I backtracked and realised what this actually meant. My dad's dad is dead.

It's been a strange day: calls to undertakers who arrived in hazmat suits to take him away in a body bag; calls to family and friends to notify them of the news; seeing how my dad has been affected and watching my mum console him. It's all made death harrowingly tangible.

I don't quite know why I'm sharing this here. I guess this has been a bit of a wake up call for me. Death is real. It hurts people, even when it's been anticipated for a while.

I'm still torn. Part of me is almost envious, wishing I could live in a world where death at any age, by any means, could be accepted as much as people accept deaths of the elderly. But alas, I don't exist in that world so there's no point in indulging in that fantasy. If I kill myself I will destroy those who love me, and no amount of preparation or refining of notes will lessen that. I'm going to take a step back and really try to consider this.

If you got this far, I hope this was worth sharing and provided some food for thought. I'm not trying to pass judgement or provoke guilt, just giving some perspective.

I'm so sorry. I've only just read this so forgive me for not responding earlier. It's such a huge thing to lose someone close for the first time, it often changes the way you look at everything. I've lost both my mum and my dad. It's such a strange period afterwards. Disbelief, anger, sadness and unreality as the world carries on. Grief is the oddest emotion that I've experienced.

 

[ManWithNoName]

I was woken up to the news. I wasn't fully conscious so I didn't quite process the reality of the words as I heard them. My brain came online when I heard the phrase "that's how we'd all like to go - peacefully in our sleep".

Yes, that's exactly what I've been fantasising about obsessively for the past couple of months...

...and then I backtracked and realised what this actually meant. My dad's dad is dead.

It's been a strange day: calls to undertakers who arrived in hazmat suits to take him away in a body bag; calls to family and friends to notify them of the news; seeing how my dad has been affected and watching my mum console him. It's all made death harrowingly tangible.

I don't quite know why I'm sharing this here. I guess this has been a bit of a wake up call for me. Death is real. It hurts people, even when it's been anticipated for a while.

I'm still torn. Part of me is almost envious, wishing I could live in a world where death at any age, by any means, could be accepted as much as people accept deaths of the elderly. But alas, I don't exist in that world so there's no point in indulging in that fantasy. If I kill myself I will destroy those who love me, and no amount of preparation or refining of notes will lessen that. I'm going to take a step back and really try to consider this.

If you got this far, I hope this was worth sharing and provided some food for thought. I'm not trying to pass judgement or provoke guilt, just giving some perspective.

I hear you -- valid thoughts, man.