Venting My goal was to kill myself this month but I'm a pussy.

[PlushieLover]

I have like 4 different plans to kill myself and all of them are to good to be realistic. The one I have right now is:

1. Get a rope (a shitty one or a good one it does not matter)

2. Find a place to hang myself in an abandoned hotel

3. Tell my mom I'm going to visit a friend (I'll have until 1:00 PM to 8:00 PM to execute the plan)

4. Buy alcohol so I have the balls to actually end everything.

5. Hang myself with some sad music to make everything dramatic and hope that everything goes well.

That's the plan, it seems horrible I know but I'm running out of realistic options. I'm obviously scared as fuck now that I'm actually executing the plan so I don't know if I will have the guts to do it like that.

I'm just making this post so I don't feel so nervous but if someone heres just says "Don't do it, your plan is shit" I would take that as an excuse to not even trying. But come on, I'm sure everyone here has a so specific hyper high IQ plan to kill themselves but they can't do it because the circumstances are impossible or too fucking hard. I know that makes you feel safe and in control but is not useful if you really want to die. Sorry if I offended someone and thanks for reading my shit.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

No one preparing to ctb can be described as a pussy.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide really is so difficult and you are not cowardly. More than anything I wish it was easier to leave this world. I have never wanted to be alive, but yet I am still here because of the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure. It is all so depressing. I know it can be awful living a life of misery and suffering. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[rationaltake]

It really is difficult. Do you feel like telling us why you want to ctb?

 

[PlushieLover]

It really is difficult. Do you feel like telling us why you want to ctb?

I feel I can't control my own life or anything in general. Also nihilism made me lose all the enjoyment, why should I do anything if in the end everything is irrelevant. There are more reasons but the main ones are those.

 

[rationaltake]

I feel I can't control my own life or anything in general. Also nihilism made me lose all the enjoyment, why should I do anything if in the end everything is irrelevant. There are more reasons but the main ones are those.

I can relate to this. I think we all have to ask ourselves if we really want to be dead. Do you have any desire to see if you can change your life?

 

[PlushieLover]

I can relate to this. I think we all have to ask ourselves if we really want to be dead. Do you have any desire to see if you can change your life?

Is way too late for a change man. I'm 100% sure that I don't want to exist. I already gave up, some people just are born wrong unfortunately.

 

[whatevs]

I feel I can't control my own life or anything in general. Also nihilism made me lose all the enjoyment, why should I do anything if in the end everything is irrelevant. There are more reasons but the main ones are those.

IMHO nobody really gets that depressed from philosophy alone, it seems to me a cover for personal issues. Most normies nowadays are nihilistic hedonists. It does harm them, though, that outlook, because suicide keeps rising and birth plummets. Harm as in the traditional idea of healthful life. Survive and reproduce.

 

[rationaltake]

Is way too late for a change man. I'm 100% sure that I don't want to exist. I already gave up, some people just are born wrong unfortunately.

Sadly I understand.

 

[Graytaichi]

You are not pussy. SI is strong in every person

 

[NSA]

. But come on, I'm sure everyone here has a so specific hyper high IQ plan to kill themselves but they can't do it because the circumstances are impossible or too fucking hard. I know that makes you feel safe and in control but is not useful if you really want to die

Mine is approximately 8 months from now and I'm already having second thoughts. It's hard: over planning is almost certainly an SI thing, but you need a solid plan or you fail. And I do not want to fail.

In your case, I'd at least make sure I have a good rope and trial the procedure beforehand, just to foresee any issues. From my reading on here, hanging is pretty reliable, but not exactly a fun way to go if you mess it up.

 

[Death is beautiful]

the same thing, I also planned this month, but it didn't work out

 

[Journeytoletgo]

It is SCARY

 

[Pau MP]

Definitely it is not a walk in the park. Take your time, think thoroughly and leave no stone unturned. Wish all the best.

 

[HideUnusualDecision]

some people just are born wrong unfortunately.

What does it mean in your case if you don't mind sharing? And no, you are not a pussy, and no, you didn't offend anyone.

 

[PlushieLover]

What does it mean in your case if you don't mind sharing?

I have never felt normal or functional, like I'm missing a piece on my brain or something. I don't know, is a weird feeling that makes me feel unfinished, maybe is because I'm bipolar or maybe is something else. I would like to explain myself better but I don't even know exactly what is wrong with me.

IMHO nobody really gets that depressed from philosophy alone, it seems to me a cover for personal issues.

I think it depends. My life is really boring and I have a lot of time with my thoughts so consequently, I torture myself thinking that everything I do is useless and that the world is indifferent towards everyone and everything. Also, I think that something in your brain gets fucked when you realize that the meaning you give to things are not actually real meaning. Like for example you love art and you wrote a beautiful song. That song for you means a whole world and is super special for you, but in the end it does not matter what much it means to you, to the world it means nothing. Sorry if I'm being pretentious lol.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I have never felt normal or functional, like I'm missing a piece on my brain or something. I don't know, is a weird feeling that makes me feel unfinished, maybe is because I'm bipolar or maybe is something else. I would like to explain myself better but I don't even know exactly what is wrong with me.

I think it depends. My life is really boring and I have a lot of time with my thoughts so consequently, I torture myself thinking that everything I do is useless and that the world is indifferent towards everyone and everything. Also, I think that something in your brain gets fucked when you realize that the meaning you give to things are not actually real meaning. Like for example you love art and you wrote a beautiful song. That song for you means a whole world and is super special for you, but in the end it does not matter what much it means to you, to the world it means nothing. Sorry if I'm being pretentious lol.

It's not pretentious. That releaization can be really hard to fight through. Basically I think a lot of people are just able to zone it out, but with severe depression that is impossible.

 

[Looooser]

I don't think your plan sounds shit. That's one of the many plans I have as well. I think a lot of times I'm a pussy, I'm just cursed, or sometimes I just feel lazy about doing it. I seem to always put of ctb until tomorrow. I guess that's where Looooser comes from.

 

[Deadly_Intention]

Is way too late for a change man. I'm 100% sure that I don't want to exist. I already gave up, some people just are born wrong unfortunately.

Agree to this so much!

It's not pretentious. That releaization can be really hard to fight through. Basically I think a lot of people are just able to zone it out, but with severe depression that is impossible.

I wish I could be one of those people who just zone stuff out... I agonize over things for years and that's not even an exaggeration, but I do have BPD so that explains it too