Story My friend is forcing me to go to therapy. I’m only going because I want to stay his friend

[subhuman metalhead]

My friend has essentially forced me at this point to go to therapy despite the fact that therapy is a scam and has never worked for me and millions of others. If I didn't go to therapy he said he would stop being my friend. So, I'm forcing myself to go. I know it's not going to help but if I can keep a friend, I will.

My first appointment–not counting my intake–is on the 21st and already there's a problem. The therapist is a woman. As terrible as it sounds, I have an extreme fear and hatred of women despite being born female. Women abused me growing up, with the primary abuser in my life being my own mother. I cannot and will not talk to a woman about how I feel and my problems because I fear that they will hurt me like how my mom did. This isn't some extreme case of 'pick me' syndrome because I don't even want a partner nor male approval. In order to get better, the person being paid to help me must be a man because men have been the ones in my life that have protected and comforted me and because of that, I feel safe around them and do not fear them like I do women.

My friend said he'll help get me a different therapist that isn't a woman so that there is a sliver of hope that I'll recover. It's definitely going to take a while however and because of that I have to hang in there for now.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Hey, have you looked into the different types of therapy and tried multiple approaches? In my experience this usually means that you're dumping all your emotions out on your friend (been there before, on both the giving and receiving end), and it's making the friendship uncomfortable because mood is contagious. While venting is fine, venting becomes unproductive if you vent but don't get better, and it's probably making your friend feel more depressive.

You can request a male therapist instead if you call the office. Whenever I get a new therapist, the receptionist asks me if I would prefer a man or a woman.

My psychiatrist acknowledges that therapy burnout is real--sometimes people see therapy too much and they get tired by it and it's understandable. She didn't push me and said it was all normal and good to take a break from therapy. Personally I believe that therapy is good for some issues and not others: good for trauma or self-esteem issues that aren't based on truth, bad if your problems are real like if you are depressed from a shitty workplace or financial instability.

Personally I still remember exercises from CBT and recall them easily to stop being bothered by my impulsive thoughts. I stopped CBT after a few sessions because I learned everything. You can honestly just learn CBT on your own from resources online. However, psychotherapy has been widely unhelpful to me besides being a source of venting. An emotional outlet that didn't fix anything but temporarily relieved my pain. They're paid to listen to you lol, might as well trauma dump and complain.

 

[Againstthewind]

I'm afraid this person doesn't care about your progress. A friend doesn't give you a negotiation or a last resort in being a friend, a friend supports another friend.

Do you know why, depending on the country you are from, why you can't refer another person into therapy, because they wouldn't have any growth because, they're not there because they WANT to be there, they are there because they FEEL they have to. That's why everybody has to refer themselves. If this is a person who is the only friend you have, and you are afraid of losing that person, personally, I say screw it. You're holding on to this last friend as someone who you believe is going to support you, but I can tell you looking at it straight away this person is making you do the things that your friend thinks is going to help and is going to work.

Has this individual ever asked you personally what your issues are and if they are issues that even that individual doesn't understand, they don't let you or push you in a direction, they give you tools or advice on trying to push you in a direction in what makes you comfortable that's what friends do, just simply being there. That person isn't necessarily being a friend they're dangling a carrot over your head almost as a punishment if you don't do what they say. Being alone with nobody there, is a lot better than being around people who don't care, because that's technically being alone too it's just that that situation's giving you a false lie that you're around people that care about you.

Don't do anything you don't want to do, because even if you care about your growth or your progress, you being in a situation where you don't want to share, or you don't want to talk about it. You're doing it because someone else told you to. This isn't going to help you. Even a therapist is going to sniff that out and it's going to be a waste of time for the both of you.

 

[subhuman metalhead]

I'm afraid this person doesn't care about your progress. A friend doesn't give you a negotiation or a last resort in being a friend, a friend supports another friend.

Do you know why, depending on the country you are from, why you can't refer another person into therapy, because they wouldn't have any growth because, they're not there because they WANT to be there, they are there because they FEEL they have to. That's why everybody has to refer themselves. If this is a person who is the only friend you have, and you are afraid of losing that person, personally, I say screw it. You're holding on to this last friend as someone who you believe is going to support you, but I can tell you looking at it straight away this person is making you do the things that your friend thinks is going to help and is going to work.

Has this individual ever asked you personally what your issues are and if they are issues that even that individual doesn't understand, they don't let you or push you in a direction, they give you tools or advice on trying to push you in a direction in what makes you comfortable that's what friends do, just simply being there. That person isn't necessarily being a friend they're dangling a carrot over your head almost as a punishment if you don't do what they say. Being alone with nobody there, is a lot better than being around people who don't care, because that's technically being alone too it's just that that situation's giving you a false lie that you're around people that care about you.

Don't do anything you don't want to do, because even if you care about your growth or your progress, you being in a situation where you don't want to share, or you don't want to talk about it. You're doing it because someone else told you to. This isn't going to help you. Even a therapist is going to sniff that out and it's going to be a waste of time for the both of you.

He's been there for me during some of my roughest moments, although he is not my only friend, he's the one I'm closest to. I've told him just about every issue I've had and he's tried to support me but I think I'm just a lost cause and have been for a while. The reason I can't leave him behind is because I have severe abandonment issues. I have had people in my life who seemingly cared just up and abandon me because of my issues. The difference here is that he hasn't. He's also done a lot for me and cutting him off would hurt him. I don't think he knows what else to do in this situation.