Venting My friend committed suicide

[foreverotting]

My friend committed suicide last Friday and ever since I have been miserable. I miss her so much and the fact I rarely talked to her kills me. I met her at a mental health hospital in 2018 and she would always walk in with radiating energy that made everyone around her happy. She always complimented me and seemed like a genuinely great person who I got close to. After I was discharged I stopped talking to everyone because I was so depressed abd in my own world. I was already doing awful before I heard she passed, but now I just want to die. I almost feel jealous because she left this world and I cannot. I miss her so much and I wish it just could've been me. She didn't deserve to feel so bad that she took her own life. I wish I had the strength in me to end my life but seeing how sad everyone that knew her is and how badly it's affecting me makes me resist. I also cannot imagine the pain my mom would go through and never being able to see my beautiful niece grow up. I hate and absolutely despise this world and myself, but I have too many things I care about in this world. I just want to be able to die without feeling regret or guilt. I wish I was just never born because I can whole heartedly say I will never love my life.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I always felt jealous of those who were able to ctb. I think most people here wished they already ctb. But dying is really hard. Don't beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself for the time being if you can.

At some point you have to make the decision for yourself. The smart thing to do would be fully commit to recovery or to ctb asap. Just waiting around and being indecisive is just pure torture. Like being trapped in a purgatory between life and death.

 

[SunnyPotato]

Sorry for your loss, hopefully you can find solace in the possibility your friend found what they were looking for and is at peace.

And yeah it's tough to know the pain of losing someone and considering putting others through it... that's why it's so frustrating to hear shit like ctb is an "easy way out" like no, most people agonize over that choice and understand the gravity of it but just cannot keep going, even if it means leaving behind loved ones.

Anyway, I'll be sending you love in this difficult time

 

[FuneralCry]

At least those who are gone are free from pain and suffering but I understand it is painful to lose those that we are close to. I often feel jealous of those who have managed to go through with it as non existence is what I want the most. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[StarryStarry]

I always felt jealous of those who were able to ctb. I think most people here wished they already ctb. But dying is really hard. Don't beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself for the time being if you can.

At some point you have to make the decision for yourself. The smart thing to do would be fully commit to recovery or to ctb asap. Just waiting around and being indecisive is just pure torture. Like being trapped in a purgatory between life and death.

I agree it's hell. I want to ctb so bad, but there's always that sliver of hope and I have my cat to worry about. I would much rather not be here. This is a cold cruel world. I hate my life

 

[foreverotting]

I always felt jealous of those who were able to ctb. I think most people here wished they already ctb. But dying is really hard. Don't beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself for the time being if you can.

At some point you have to make the decision for yourself. The smart thing to do would be fully commit to recovery or to ctb asap. Just waiting around and being indecisive is just pure torture. Like being trapped in a purgatory between life and death.

I wish I could CTB, but in this scenario I just love my mom so much and couldn't possibly do that to her. I would 100% CTB if my mom wasn't here to support me. She's my best friend and I don't want to ever put her through that, she doesn't deserve it. So I will attempt recovery, as it's the only option I have.

Sorry for your loss, hopefully you can find solace in the possibility your friend found what they were looking for and is at peace.

And yeah it's tough to know the pain of losing someone and considering putting others through it... that's why it's so frustrating to hear shit like ctb is an "easy way out" like no, most people agonize over that choice and understand the gravity of it but just cannot keep going, even if it means leaving behind loved ones.

Anyway, I'll be sending you love in this difficult time

Sorry for your loss, hopefully you can find solace in the possibility your friend found what they were looking for and is at peace.

And yeah it's tough to know the pain of losing someone and considering putting others through it... that's why it's so frustrating to hear shit like ctb is an "easy way out" like no, most people agonize over that choice and understand the gravity of it but just cannot keep going, even if it means leaving behind loved ones.

Anyway, I'll be sending you love in this difficult time

I am happy that she finally gets the painless-rest she deserves. This world is unforgiving to those who don't deserve it and I'm glad she no longer has to suffer for through it.

People who say "CTB is easy" are people who are privileged with the fact they most likely never had serious thoughts like that. People who consider suicide are faced with a life-changing decision that they can't back out of once committed. Having that on your shoulders and the fact you may survive is anxiety provoking.

My friend who passed overdosed and her boyfriend was the one to find her on the brink of death. He said that her last words were filled with nothing but regret and it breaks me inside to know that she wanted to try again, but couldn't..

Thank you for the love, I appreciate it so much.

 

[miserableforever]

My friend committed suicide last Friday and ever since I have been miserable. I miss her so much and the fact I rarely talked to her kills me. I met her at a mental health hospital in 2018 and she would always walk in with radiating energy that made everyone around her happy. She always complimented me and seemed like a genuinely great person who I got close to. After I was discharged I stopped talking to everyone because I was so depressed abd in my own world. I was already doing awful before I heard she passed, but now I just want to die. I almost feel jealous because she left this world and I cannot. I miss her so much and I wish it just could've been me. She didn't deserve to feel so bad that she took her own life. I wish I had the strength in me to end my life but seeing how sad everyone that knew her is and how badly it's affecting me makes me resist. I also cannot imagine the pain my mom would go through and never being able to see my beautiful niece grow up. I hate and absolutely despise this world and myself, but I have too many things I care about in this world. I just want to be able to die without feeling regret or guilt. I wish I was just never born because I can whole heartedly say I will never love my life.

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. I am not sure what to tell you other than yes, I agree with you, the world is a garbage can, for the most part. But there are a few good apples in our lives that make us think twice about our own death. Being torn between CTB or no CTB is torture. It's almost a full time job once determination sets in.
You can try and find a little bit of happiness around your family, maybe that soothes the ache for now.

 

[cyberlordsumit]

j

My friend committed suicide last Friday and ever since I have been miserable. I miss her so much and the fact I rarely talked to her kills me. I met her at a mental health hospital in 2018 and she would always walk in with radiating energy that made everyone around her happy. She always complimented me and seemed like a genuinely great person who I got close to. After I was discharged I stopped talking to everyone because I was so depressed abd in my own world. I was already doing awful before I heard she passed, but now I just want to die. I almost feel jealous because she left this world and I cannot. I miss her so much and I wish it just could've been me. She didn't deserve to feel so bad that she took her own life. I wish I had the strength in me to end my life but seeing how sad everyone that knew her is and how badly it's affecting me makes me resist. I also cannot imagine the pain my mom would go through and never being able to see my beautiful niece grow up. I hate and absolutely despise this world and myself, but I have too many things I care about in this world. I just want to be able to die without feeling regret or guilt. I wish I was just never born because I can whole heartedly say I will never love my life.

jealousy is temporary. a few months down the line it'll be replaced with something else.
Grief is different, it fades still.

what we do have is ourselves. choosing to live and help others have better lives is better. coz there are more alive people who are in need of basic life necessities.