Venting My first post

[goodbye_._]

Hello! I'm a new user on here. Honestly I'm not sure where to start. Usually when I talk about my suicidal thoughts bad things happen and so this scares me a bit. I've accepted it. It's a weird feeling to accept death, but I'm going to do it in maybe a few weeks or a few months. I'm not sure yet. I have to succeed, so I have to think it out very well. Last time I failed I got put in a treatment centre for a year and was traumatized and I now have more trauma then before. For most of most of my life I've been alone. My parents never took care of me. I was bullied all the time. Even the teachers didn't like me. I was sexually assaulted by the only person who let me talk about my problems too but it was just to use me. Most of the time my friends don't like me. Idk maybe I'm just unlovable but I don't really care. I'm done with all of it now. I've tried therapy but i already knew everything. I tried using the skills but it didn't help. I constantly deal with my trauma and there is nothing to do to stop it. My life has been nothing but awful, It's time to stop now. And it's ok. It's just meant to be. Oh yah and not to mention I also have health issues that make me constantly tired and I can't breath properly. My hearth randomly hurts and a lot more. But I won't get into that, this post is long enough as it is. I'm sorry this is so long but I had to put it somewhere. I'm so tired, exhausted. Why can't I just have what others have? I was just put here to suffer, it's unfair.

 

[Seven Threads]

Hey there, goodbye. I'm very sorry to hear about everything you've been through. It sounds like you've been put through the ringer basically your entire life, and I definitely understand why you're looking for a way out. And yeah, it's scary to talk about, but it's okay. Nobody here is going to judge you for having this intention. That's kinda what this forum is all about.

I know you said you intend to ctb in a few weeks or months, but do you have any plans for what you want to do in the meantime? You sound pretty committed, but I'm curious if there's any loose threads you want to resolve before you go. I know a lot of people do. Or are you basically just done already?

It's awful what you've already been through, but I don't think you were put here to suffer. None of us were. I know there's people here who disagree with me on that, but being honest, the world is just like that sometimes. The people who were supposed to love and provide for you failed you from the very start, and things never got better from there. You deserved better. I hope you know that.

At least maybe you'll finally be able to have some people who understand what it's like and are willing to listen to you. I've found this to be an incredibly compassionate community in my time here so far. Is there anything we can do to make things just a little less awful while you're getting your plans in order? Let us know.

 

[goodbye_._]

Hey there, goodbye. I'm very sorry to hear about everything you've been through. It sounds like you've been put through the ringer basically your entire life, and I definitely understand why you're looking for a way out. And yeah, it's scary to talk about, but it's okay. Nobody here is going to judge you for having this intention. That's kinda what this forum is all about.

I know you said you intend to ctb in a few weeks or months, but do you have any plans for what you want to do in the meantime? You sound pretty committed, but I'm curious if there's any loose threads you want to resolve before you go. I know a lot of people do. Or are you basically just done already?

It's awful what you've already been through, but I don't think you were put here to suffer. None of us were. I know there's people here who disagree with me on that, but being honest, the world is just like that sometimes. The people who were supposed to love and provide for you failed you from the very start, and things never got better from there. You deserved better. I hope you know that.

At least maybe you'll finally be able to have some people who understand what it's like and are willing to listen to you. I've found this to be an incredibly compassionate community in my time here so far. Is there anything we can do to make things just a little less awful while you're getting your plans in order? Let us know.

Sorry for responding so late but I know that I want to write notes to the people that matter. I can't just leave them with nothing. And even my parents get one because they both think they did a good job and they aren't that bad. It's not to make them feel bad but a reality check, I don't think either of them will change but it's worth the try. I also wanna specify things with my funeral, it's not like I want one but it's going to happen anyways. Ever since I was a kid I always wanted everyone to wear white instead of black. It's more hopeful. I try not to have to many things keep my here because that's a mistake, but it's not hard for me. Nothing really interests me to much. I want to make sure everyone knows they are loved, I may be doing this for me but it's not an easy task. The thing that's really keeping me here though is figuring out a plan.

Basically there isn't really much you can do. I just don't want to hear things like "your family will miss you" and "you have so much to live for." But I don't expect it on this forum. I've heard all of those things over and over again and it just makes me feel bad, But it doesn't stop me.

 

[FuneralCry]

There certainly does seem to be no peace from suffering in this cruel world and there could simply never be anything fair about existing in a world where people have to suffer all through no fault of their own. It's just so awful how other people create so much harm and make this world even more of a hellish place so of course it's understandable wishing for freedom from all the torment that existing brings. I wish you the best.