Story My final words

[XINGBATAI]

I normally am not very affected by the suffering of others, not because I don't care, but because I have suffered myself for so long that often times I feel emotionally numb. However, this thread really hit me hard. I created an account just so I could support and give encouragement to Yunūs, regardless of her decision. I was unaware that I would need to wait for my account to be approved before being allowed to comment, so I thought it would be too late. I was so glad when I saw her post saying that she didn't go through with it. The next day I checked this site to see if she responded to my comment, and I was hit with this terrible news.
Now I'm pro choice, and I never would invalidate someone else's reasons for CTB. Even so, to see such a sweet girl end her life at so young an age , not because her life is unbearable, but because of the actions of another person is tragic. She stated that she still thought the world was beautiful, and seemed conflicted about the decision to CTB, so I was hoping she would give it a little more time; to push it off for a while to see whether or not she could get over the betrayal.
But perhaps there was more to it. She did state that she was recently raped, and I can't even immagine what that is like for a girl. I'm sure that played into it. I just feel that one should wait to CTB until they have exhausted all avenues of improvement and are certain that there is no reasonable hope left.

But she made her decision, and I respect that. I don't know what awaits us after we die, but I hope she didn't suffer and found peace. I feel physically sick over this.

 

[ObssessedEirika]

Rest in peace. While I'm sad she's gone, I'm happy that she's now free from any suffering that would've come to her if she was still alive. It's sad, yet I hope she found peace and solace with her decision.

 

[kawaiiphantom]

I normally am not very affected by the suffering of others, not because I don't care, but because I have suffered myself for so long that often times I feel emotionally numb. However, this thread really hit me hard. I created an account just so I could support and give encouragement to Yunūs, regardless of her decision. I was unaware that I would need to wait for my account to be approved before being allowed to comment, so I thought it would be too late. I was so glad when I saw her post saying that she didn't go through with it. The next day I checked this site to see if she responded to my comment, and I was hit with this terrible news.
Now I'm pro choice, and I never would invalidate someone else's reasons for CTB. Even so, to see such a sweet girl end her life at so young an age , not because her life is unbearable, but because of the actions of another person is tragic. She stated that she still thought the world was beautiful, and seemed conflicted about the decision to CTB, so I was hoping she would give it a little more time; to push it off for a while to see whether or not she could get over the betrayal.
But perhaps there was more to it. She did state that she was recently raped, and I can't even immagine what that is like for a girl. I'm sure that played into it. I just feel that one should wait to CTB until they have exhausted all avenues of improvement and are certain that there is no reasonable hope left.

But she made her decision, and I respect that. I don't know what awaits us after we die, but I hope she didn't suffer and found peace. I feel physically sick over this.

It was so kind of you to make an account just to support her I feel physically sick about it too, it definitely destroyed me in a lot of ways. I still think about her everyday and probably will for a long time. Although I also want to respect peoples decisions to CTB, I miss her a lot. I had so much hope she wouldn't go through with it after all and continue living. I'll never forget her. She went through so much heartbreak and didn't deserve any of that.

 

[The Mute Viking]

We are here for you, even the many who you don't know or don't know you.
We all wish you love, peace and an end that you feel you desire.

I'm so sorry that all those thing have caused you immense suffering.

I wish i could also give you a big hug.

 

[XINGBATAI]

It was so kind of you to make an account just to support her I feel physically sick about it too, it definitely destroyed me in a lot of ways. I still think about her everyday and probably will for a long time. Although I also want to respect peoples decisions to CTB, I miss her a lot. I had so much hope she wouldn't go through with it after all and continue living. I'll never forget her. She went through so much heartbreak and didn't deserve any of that.

This will bother me for a long time as well. I usually handle stuff like this pretty well, but there is something about her situation that just turns my stomach. I've been trying to pinpoint why it disturbs me so much, so I reread her first post. That guy was with her since she was a teen. He slowly had her cut off/ghost all her friends until she had no one but him to rely on.
What he really did was gaslight her. He knew how much she depended on him, her mental health struggles, and her personality. So that piece of shit knew better than anyone how devastated she would be when he left her without so much as a word. Knowing that, not only did he leave her without an explanation, but he went and told lie after lie about her, turning all her friends, who may otherwise have helped her get through the breakup, against her.

I think this is why her situation is disturbing me so much. I know it was ultimately her choice, but I feel like this guy could have prevented it if he wasn't such a dick in the way he broke up with her. It's almost as if he wanted her to do it. He went out of his way to make things as miserable as possible for her. I could never do that to a girl, especially one I was with for over six years. He didn't give a fuck about her. She was such a sweet person that even after all of that, she didn't say one bad thing about him!

And on top of all that, she ends up getting raped by a stranger! What a fucked up world. If she can touch so many people that don't even know her just by posting a few comments, how can the people around her not see how special she is?

I'm glad that she at least seemed to find a friend in you at the end; she said as much. I just wish she would have gave you a call or gave you a chance to be her friend, and maybe she wouldn't have felt so hopeless

I just had to get that off my chest. Sorry for the long post

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i blame that stranger rape on him too. the way he left her, she was probably walking around wondering what happened - completely unaware of her surroundings. she didn't even seem all that hurt about it. that's how empty he left her.

 

[Linda]

Can we stop assigning blame, please, or criticising people? None of you have the full story. I know more of it than you do. Her fiance was not a bad guy. Let's leave it at that. We are here to help people, not criticise people.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

Can we stop assigning blame, please, or criticising people? None of you have the full story. I know more of it than you do. Her fiance was not a bad guy. Let's leave it at that. We are here to help people, not criticise people.

i have no problem ceasing any further activity here but i was only going by what she chose to make public

 

[XINGBATAI]

Can we stop assigning blame, please, or criticising people? None of you have the full story. I know more of it than you do. Her fiance was not a bad guy. Let's leave it at that. We are here to help people, not criticise people.

I'm not going to harp on it. I was stating my opinion based off of everything that she herself posted. I don't intend to keep bringing it up. My comment wasn't a stand alone post, but rather a reply to an individual person. But if it really bothers you, know that I don't intend to keep posting about it. It just really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

 

[superwacki]

Fuck. What the fuck? Fuck holy shit fuck. This is too sad to read. There are so many highs and lows within this thread. There are moments of hope that she could've been okay. There are moments where it felt like the end was near. This is an individual who i feel as if she had so much more to live for. as i was reading this thread i was genuinely praying that she doesnt go through with it. She sounded like a beautiful & pure soul, and it was very refreshing seeing her activity on the site.

And just like that she's gone?

She has been wronged left to right in her life; a great example of the world battering down a precious person. I feel as if i want to cry for her rn and i havent cried in forever. She sounded so scared about it but headstrong on committing to her plans and final action. Her energy is so pure and i feel so broken by the sheer fact that her purity is now discarded. Fuck the world. Fuck everything and everyone that has wronged her enough to bring her to that point. This churns my stomach and hurts my heart so bad.

Rest in Nothing Else but in Peace​

 

[Linda]

Fuck. What the fuck? Fuck holy shit fuck. This is too sad to read. There are so many highs and lows within this thread. There are moments of hope that she could've been okay. There are moments where it felt like the end was near. This is an individual who i feel as if she had so much more to live for. as i was reading this thread i was genuinely praying that she doesnt go through with it. She sounded like a beautiful & pure soul, and it was very refreshing seeing her activity on the site.

And just like that she's gone?

She has been wronged left to right in her life; a great example of the world battering down a precious person. I feel as if i want to cry for her rn and i havent cried in forever. She sounded so scared about it but headstrong on committing to her plans and final action. Her energy is so pure and i feel so broken by the sheer fact that her purity is now discarded. Fuck the world. Fuck everything and everyone that has wronged her enough to bring her to that point. This churns my stomach and hurts my heart so bad.

Rest in Nothing Else but in Peace​

Have a good cry. It helps. I've been doing it for a week.

 

[superwacki]

Have a good cry. It helps. I've been doing it for a week.

I wish I could, but I can't. Got so bad I can't even force tears out when desperate to do so. But thank you for your recommendation :)

 

[Macc_Lad_71]

How's the cat ?

 

[Linda]

How's the cat ?

I don't know, but I do know that she made arrangements to ensure that Mocha would be OK.

 

[consider]

It's a beautiful written even I read it through the translator. It really make me feel sad that a person who had such a beautful soul went through like this. Goodbye puffyclouds, best wish to you.

 

[XINGBATAI]

Fuck. What the fuck? Fuck holy shit fuck. This is too sad to read. There are so many highs and lows within this thread. There are moments of hope that she could've been okay. There are moments where it felt like the end was near. This is an individual who i feel as if she had so much more to live for. as i was reading this thread i was genuinely praying that she doesnt go through with it. She sounded like a beautiful & pure soul, and it was very refreshing seeing her activity on the site.

And just like that she's gone?

She has been wronged left to right in her life; a great example of the world battering down a precious person. I feel as if i want to cry for her rn and i havent cried in forever. She sounded so scared about it but headstrong on committing to her plans and final action. Her energy is so pure and i feel so broken by the sheer fact that her purity is now discarded. Fuck the world. Fuck everything and everyone that has wronged her enough to bring her to that point. This churns my stomach and hurts my heart so bad.

Rest in Nothing Else but in Peace​

Yup. I created an account just to speak with her. This stuff never bothers me and I hardly ever cry, but I teared up when I found out she went through with it. Just thinking about it makes me feel physically sick. This disturbed me in a very deep and unpredictable way. I've been trying to figure out why, and I think it is because she seems to have chosen to CTB because of the actions of another, rather than because she was tired of life. She still saw beauty in the world and seemed like she wanted to live, but was conflicted about how to move on after a fucked up series of betrayals and violations. She was also raped very recently. I just wish she gave it a month or two to see if her feelings would change after some of the sting wore off, but now it's too late. This will stick with me for quite some time

 

[MiMif]

Thank you for your words. It's a lovely drawing. Please keep drawing.

As for catching the bus... I guess I'll sleep on it. I genuinely don't know. I was certain, but now I'm unsure. I think there's something about staring down the barrel of a gun that would terrify anyone. Maybe in the morning, I'll decide I'm only delaying my departure for a bit. Or that I've decided to not CTB after all. No matter what I choose, you guys will be the ones to know. For now, goodnight.

I just want to say I read your story and I'm so sorry life has been so cruel to you...I actually teared up reading it and I barely ever cry.

I'm so sorry everyone abandoned you and I want you to know you didn't deserve any of that It's completely fine that you backed out and don't attack yourself for it as I've backed out of ctb plans at least 3x by now.

Not sure if your still alive but Im so sorry the world was so cruel to you and the people you loved as well. Sending a thousand hugs your amazing...this was written a few weeks ago but still I hope your okay or at peace.

 

[Linda]

I just want to say I read your story and I'm so sorry life has been so cruel to you...I actually teared up reading it and I barely ever cry.

I'm so sorry everyone abandoned you and I want you to know you didn't deserve any of that It's completely fine that you backed out and don't attack yourself for it as I've backed out of ctb plans at least 3x by now.

Not sure if your still alive but Im so sorry the world was so cruel to you and the people you loved as well. Sending a thousand hugs your amazing...this was written a few weeks ago but still I hope your okay or at peace.

She is at peacee. If you read the whole thread you will learn what happend.

 

[MiMif]

She is at peacee. If you read the whole thread you will learn what happend.

I see now....

At first after I read their post I just went to their latest message to see if they were alive and didn't think to read the whole thread.

I'm happy they found peace and I'm sure they were happy to talk with you in their last moments.
Damn this goodbye threads really hit me hard thanks for informing me

 

[nir]

This thread had me crying many times. Truly shows that this is *not* a pro-suicide forum like the media wants to paint it. There was so much love, empathy, and warmth shown to her at the end. I'm glad that even though she died, she died knowing people cared. How beautiful and how sad. I hope she's in a better place <3