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This is not the right post for this. You can make your own thread if you want to talk about it. Let's support @HorribleFeelings1 here, please
Why don't you want your friends to know? I think they will be sad no matter the cause of your death.
As LMLN said, the coroner has to report the facts. If it is a suicide, thats exactly what they will report, regardless of whether you submitted a note asking for otherwise. Sorry.
I think weve all been guilty of doing things to fuck our lives up. I certainly have, and ive done enough for many other people as well. Your 18 hun, so incredibly young. Please i dont mean to be condescending by talking about your age. I do not mean to disrespect you either, because regardless of age we can all hurt really bad, with many young people going thru traumas that people twice their age have never been thru. Having said that i want to just tell you a bit about myself. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 8yrs old. I tried to cut my throat when i was ( cos i wanted to die because i thought i was evil. I was incredibly sad and scared. At 10 i was raped by a cop & at 13yrs pulled into a child sex ring. i spent a couple of yrs in&out of child borstels.I spent 1yr in an adult psychiatric hosp at 15 and due to my heroin addiction was in&out of detox&programms over the next 10yrs+ as well as in&out of prison.Ive been involved in gang life as well. Ive also seen gd freinds&family die. I looked after my mum who was terminally ill with cancer& she died recently. My mum was perhaps the only person in my life who loved me unconditionally& now i am totally alone. I am 48yrs old. Theres not much i havent done, so while you say that you cant say whats bought you to this point because people will think of you as a "sick weird fuck", if you read between the lines of what ive told you about my life, more than likely im just as sick&weird as fuck as you think you are. Ive been depressed most of my life & i have tried to commit suicide before, very nearly suceeding, but i can tell you one thing, I would never have given up the time i had with my mum for one second despite the awfull life i had. When you get to experience that kind of love youll understand what i mean. But hun you havent been around long enough to give that a chance, so please give life a bit more of a chance?
Hey luv..checking on u
Yeah I'm hoping hes just busy with his fam/friends...he hasn't been on in a while..really sux not knowing..I think he would have said something tho if he started...??
It doesnt have to be you know. If i could count the number of times ive said that to myself...each of those times ive felt like in the most incredible unsufferable pain you can imagine. I dont know how i got through each of those times. Sometimes i would do things to myself to inflict pain on myself so i could feel better, sometimes it was just that someone was there with me at the time or turned up when i was bad, or i did something stupid at the time&got locked up so cudnt kill myself. Its like each of those moments was enough to take me out of where i was for a bit,you know. I was always depressed but those really bad moments i wouldnt wish on anyone. To hate yourself with such a passion,to feel disgusted in yourself, FUCK, for things people did to me! That werent my fault but i took them on as if they were. I read a report a judge wrote about me when i was 9yrs old that said I was the saddest child he had ever seen in front of him and that hed never come across a child with such a death wish. The police also contacted the judge saying the same. You can move beyond that tho, you see? I did. Yes i had an extremely fucked up sad life but that small bit where i experienced absolute unconditional love from my mum was what ultimately kept me going. That experience was undescribeable. I felt so loved by her in the midst of such great pain. Please give life a go. I WONT ACCEPT that your life is pretty much over when its just started. I WONT ACCEPT IT because its not true, because ive been there many times over, so I know from all my experience that its not. Sadly,I dont believe theres anything that i have not experienced in life, challenge me, throw it at me, tell me why its pretty much over??
