My final day has come...

[faust]

While I am still around, I would like to thank you for making this place kind and compassionate.
I have seen many things there: some were really sad, some were enjoyable and funny. Some died peacefully, some recovered.

This is the day I have been waiting for so long. It is kinda strange to immerse into the internet first and then the things suddenly get real.
Well, CTB for me is one of the issues which I now consider real despite the brain fog.
No matter how I feel about it, how I see it, it is real.

Less than 2 hours left till SN fills my stomach, however I have a very controversial feeling.
I am not scared of it, but my body is. That's like my body and consciousness are living their own lives.
At this point I am not too overwhelmed with fear of failure, I somehow do not bother where the bus will take me.

Measured my heartbeat 10 minutes ago and it was 97 bpm, well, not too much for such an event, however, I can feel this surge of instinctive energy which batters me right now.
After this almost immediately took 80 mg propranolol, will see how it goes.

I wish everything is fine with all and each of you no matter what will be your final decision!

 

[FriendofDeath]

Ah, dear Faust, I always love seeing your avatar pop up and reading your responses. You seem so real, kind and compassionate. Had you planned for this specific day? No need to push through, if you don't feel like it. Know that I support whatever decision you make. I am sending you light and love for protection on whatever journey you choose.

 

[faust]

Ah, dear Faust, I always love seeing your avatar pop up and reading your responses. You seem so real, kind and compassionate. Had you planned for this specific day? No need to push through, if you don't feel like it. Know that I support whatever decision you make. I am sending you light and love for protection on whatever journey you choose.

Thank you for your kind words! Yes, I planned this day after some weeks of uncertainty. Initially was planning to use SN+CO, however, unpredictable is the weather, trying to burn charcoal when it is raining is not a good idea.
My heart rate is 80 bpm now, do not feel the tension anymore!

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

I wish you well with whatever you finally decide. I wish you peace and love. It is a very brave thing to do. I am planning to leave soon too. My thoughts are with you

 

[rhiino]

Oh dear. Through your avatar you always kind of stand out and I remember your posts as kind and compassionate. I always wanted to read what you have to say when I saw that cuddly dolphin pop up on my screen.

It is sad that you might soon be gone, but at the same time I hope you get what you crave and are at peace with your decision.

 

[kinzokukae]

hope everything works out for you <3

 

[Soul]

@faust, I shall miss you if you leave us. I wish you the very best outcomes of your decisions, whatever you choose. Please feel well loved x

 

[xLosthopex]

While I am still around, I would like to thank you for making this place kind and compassionate.
I have seen many things there: some were really sad, some were enjoyable and funny. Some died peacefully, some recovered.

This is the day I have been waiting for so long. It is kinda strange to immerse into the internet first and then the things suddenly get real.
Well, CTB for me is one of the issues which I now consider real despite the brain fog.
No matter how I feel about it, how I see it, it is real.

Less than 2 hours left till SN fills my stomach, however I have a very controversial feeling.
I am not scared of it, but my body is. That's like my body and consciousness are living their own lives.
At this point I am not too overwhelmed with fear of failure, I somehow do not bother where the bus will take me.

Measured my heartbeat 10 minutes ago and it was 97 bpm, well, not too much for such an event, however, I can feel this surge of instinctive energy which batters me right now.
After this almost immediately took 80 mg propranolol, will see how it goes.

I wish everything is fine with all and each of you no matter what will be your final decision!

Sorry to see you go @faust, we didn't talk much but I've seen you around here a good bit, especially stood out to me as a fellow Irish resident <3
I'm sorry life has brought you to this point

 

[faust]

Thank you everybody! Starting meto in just 20 minutes. Love you all

 

[Lorntroubles]

Lots of cuddly dolphins for you, Coke and well wishes! The world will not be the same without you. Only one "Faust" and does he have a heart of gold. Farewell... :(

 

[anonymousapple]

I really hope the SN is peaceful for you, thank you for helping me with the questions I had :)

You're a really nice person

 

[SunInTheShade9]

Faust! Sending you so much positive energy and love! I feel for you friend.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

We love you too, even if we don't know you personally.

We all take the same bus, although not at the same time. Wish the bus would leave quickly after you got on.

Have a good trip, I will come to you soon

 

[Fragile]

Sorry to see you go, faust. It's sad that you didn't manage to get N, but I hope that SN goes just as peaceful for you.

I'll miss your avatar and comments around here.

 

[mediocre]

I am really going to miss you my dear Faust We only talked sometimes but I always felt better when I seen you around here
I'm really sad to see you go :(

 

[faust]

@Fragile Besides getting N, life became much more miserable during lockdown....
Took 3x10 mg metoclopramide, I am getting closer...

 

[the box is empty]

It was always refreshing to see your insight on a variety of topics. I'll miss your presence here.

 

[illbeinthegarage]

hugs <3 ill miss seeing your username and cute pp around SS, i wish you the best xx

 

[Living sucks]

I wish you didn't have to make a date. You were the first person to talk to me here.. so kind .. the world needs more not less of you. I'm sad

 

[miguel6565]

I will miss you,you are such a great part of this forum,wish you peace in your journey

 

[faust]

Drinking 60 ml of Milk of Magnesia in 5 minutes! It is so nice to hear from you, this world would be a better place to live if noone of us had these troubles...

 

[Living sucks]

I wish I could do it with you

 

[kokporn]

I hope you will be fine bro
see you in space

 

[SunInTheShade9]

Drinking 60 ml of Milk of Magnesia in 5 minutes! It is so nice to hear from you, this world would be a better place to live if noone of us had these troubles...

We are all with you. Whatever choice is made, we are with you. ❤

 

[faust]

I wish I could do it with you

This is up to you! Maybe it is not the time yet...

 

[Ulisses]

Rip faust.whatever the end you want. If you're not ready, we're here with open arms.

 

[Lilium]

Safe travels friend. And I hope you can find peace no matter what happens.

 

[Busdriver]

Omg, faust!! You are leaving?!
I will miss you

A legend of the forum, you are!

Have a peaceful transition

 

[faust]

Drank Milk of Magnesia, tastes good! Just like a shamrock shake ahah

 

[Anxietykillsme]

Hope you find the peace you deserve.