What: I was closest in my last attempt
Where: Using the hook in wall that kind of looks like a mini dumbell
Why: To use a shoelace (I think i did slipknot?) n a tied sock on my neck
When: Around 4-5am. N im pretty sure i woke up from attempt abt 5am.
How: I used the bed n chair on sides for my legs to stand on so i cud put my neck in n i had prob 2 pillows on bottom to help me stand n later i tried to stand without them to make it hard for me to come back up. I vaguely remember opening my mouth widely, idk if i screamed n trying to scratch off the noose in my neck with both hands. N after mb a few secs i likely blacked out. Tbh i dont think i felt pain or i just dont remember or got numbed since ive tried attempting so many times on neck (altho this was the closest to succeeding). Since the hook was too light to hold my weight it broke (which ive no memory off) except i only found out when i was sitting on my knees also called seiza. I remember having my eyes closed no pain n i didnt even realize i just attempted. I thought i was sleeping n dreaming coz i vaguely remember being happy n thinking abt watching some random shows in my dream. Then suddenly i wake up n open my eyes. N get surprised/shocked. I feel intense pain on my neck n throbbing. I feel pain in head as well like a bump. Then i notice the hook fell down. My glasses too so i wear them. I quickly remove sock n then try to remove shoelace where it tightens when i try to pull apart. Ive a scissor in drawer so i cut the hook off by the shoelace n then try to cut one side of the shoelace on my neck (i keep trying on right n left side). But it takes a while n i keep cutting my skin instead so it bleeds. I dont remember when i succeeded but i do know i went to bathroom as well to check mirror. I think for the shoelace to cut it took many snips in same spot. My neck hurt that it was hard to turn my head n i cudnt sleep on one of the sides for a while.
What next: Altho i remember the pain n not worrying abt going to the er or having it stuck on my neck with more problems, after it came off i still felt so sad that i didnt succeed. It definitely didnt stop me wanting to suicide so bad.
Where: Using the hook in wall that kind of looks like a mini dumbell
Why: To use a shoelace (I think i did slipknot?) n a tied sock on my neck
When: Around 4-5am. N im pretty sure i woke up from attempt abt 5am.
How: I used the bed n chair on sides for my legs to stand on so i cud put my neck in n i had prob 2 pillows on bottom to help me stand n later i tried to stand without them to make it hard for me to come back up. I vaguely remember opening my mouth widely, idk if i screamed n trying to scratch off the noose in my neck with both hands. N after mb a few secs i likely blacked out. Tbh i dont think i felt pain or i just dont remember or got numbed since ive tried attempting so many times on neck (altho this was the closest to succeeding). Since the hook was too light to hold my weight it broke (which ive no memory off) except i only found out when i was sitting on my knees also called seiza. I remember having my eyes closed no pain n i didnt even realize i just attempted. I thought i was sleeping n dreaming coz i vaguely remember being happy n thinking abt watching some random shows in my dream. Then suddenly i wake up n open my eyes. N get surprised/shocked. I feel intense pain on my neck n throbbing. I feel pain in head as well like a bump. Then i notice the hook fell down. My glasses too so i wear them. I quickly remove sock n then try to remove shoelace where it tightens when i try to pull apart. Ive a scissor in drawer so i cut the hook off by the shoelace n then try to cut one side of the shoelace on my neck (i keep trying on right n left side). But it takes a while n i keep cutting my skin instead so it bleeds. I dont remember when i succeeded but i do know i went to bathroom as well to check mirror. I think for the shoelace to cut it took many snips in same spot. My neck hurt that it was hard to turn my head n i cudnt sleep on one of the sides for a while.
What next: Altho i remember the pain n not worrying abt going to the er or having it stuck on my neck with more problems, after it came off i still felt so sad that i didnt succeed. It definitely didnt stop me wanting to suicide so bad.
