Venting My dreamjob is burning me out

[вечный сон]

Here's another Vent from someone that is completely isolated so his only chance to be heard is to chat with complete strangers on a suicide forum:

I've been thuggin it out on my new job for 6-7 months now. Objectivaly it's the easiest and best payed job i've ever had. I was really lucky to get it. I tried atleast 15 Jobs and always quit after like a month.

All i'm doing is driving around at night, closing facilities and making Inspection tours. I walk alot which is good. I'm on my own, can drive on almost empty Streets and listen to Youtube Videos or music the whole time.

I learned in previous Jobs, that if i have to work with coleagues i won't make it past a month, that's why i've made it so long at this job. I only have to interact with humans for like 5 minutes all interactions combined and i know it sounds crazy, but even those 5 minutes are too much for me.

I don't like to be forced to interact with people. I don't like that they get to know me and that they can see my sad ugly face. I try my best but people just don't like me. It makes me want to hide and be in the dark so no one get's to have a Look at the mess i am.

I's not only the social Situation that's draining, but especially the days and hours before it happens.

Atleast i know that in april next year i will quit and travel Europa for a year on my bike. If i didn't have a reason to save money so i can travel, there would be no way that i'd work a job. I'd rather be unemployed an broke but atleast not emotionally drained every day.

Even mentally healthy people struggle working a full time job, how am i supposed to do it with mental illnesses on top?

I sometimes think about trying some Heroin before work, to not be so stressed since it apparently makes you more social and talkative but i know that would only work for a short time until it doesn't and i'm even worse off than now.

I tried Zyprexa before and it helped with my social anxiety, but i gained almost 50kg, had Liver problems and severe suicidal thoughts. Atleast Heroin is Kind of a natural substance compared to psych drugs. I heard that clean heroin isn't even toxic to the body and you could potentionally live to 100 years while being on it. Street H is always dirty, but 100% heroin from a lab is not toxic.

Do you work? How are you Holding up and do you self medicate?

 

[Green Destiny]

I've worked the same part time job at a thrift shop for 12 years now and it's only gotten progressively worse. Majority of the people I work with are morons with no common sense, I deal with people trying to get rid of their trashy furniture and my body is starting to hurt from all the manual labor. Maybe where I work is the exception but if anyone here is looking for a job and you get offered a position as a dock worker for a thrift shop don't do it, it's not worth whatever the pay offers.

Your job actually sounds quite nice, barely dealing with any people and getting to drive around deserted streets is a great alternative to busy roads and annoying people.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm similar to you. I don't enjoy working with others. For me, it's more a social anxiety/ performance anxiety I suppose. I hate making mistakes in front of other people. It just crushes my already lacking confidence and self esteem.

I'm actually freelance now and (thankfully,) work from home alone but, I have done very people related jobs. I've worked in retail, care and even run departments- which seems kind of ludicrous- looking back. Not sure how I managed that. It was pretty awful!

I don't really know how I coped to be honest. I cried a lot when I got home! I utterly dread having to work with others again though. The last few times, I've been in such a panic beforehand. I was watching YouTube videos on tackling social anxiety to try to calm me down.

One thing I would say is- these are professional relationships. We don't necessarily need to befriend the people we work with. We just need to respect one another enough to do the job we're being paid for. Sure, it would be nice if people liked us but realistically- we probably won't get on with everyone. They probably don't either.

Maybe the question is- Why do you need these people to like you- if you are indeed happier on your own? Do you need them in your life?

If you do want them to like you though, I suspect there are some 'tricks'. I was always advised to ask people about themseleves. It's important to listen though and- to remember. People will sometimes be impressed if you remember stuff about them. I hope it gets easier.

The use of drugs to cope concerns me- to be honest. I imagine even pure heroin is massively addictive. And expensive too, I imagine.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I drove tractor trailer for almost 30 years. I loved it because I didn't have to deal with people other than the assholes on the road, and shippers or receivers. Didn't have the bossman breathing down my neck, could stop and sleep or piss the day away whenever I wanted. As long as I picked up and delivered on time, my dispatcher left me alone. It was great because I could travel the country and get paid for it, and I especially loved the extremely long runs.

Now I can't drive because my body is all beat up, my health went to hell, and my mental capacity has deteriorated (depression and anxiety) I figured I'd give up trucking so I didn't hurt anyone on the road in case I passed out, had a heart attack while driving, or decided to crash and end it.

So no I sit at home collecting disability. And like OP, I'm trying to save up so I can go do some biking next year, which I'm planning on disappearing while biking. Planning on a 185 mile biking trail for now, but not sure where after that yet.

Wish you the best of luck with your plans.