I am so tired and I am just waiting for my N to ship but I don't feel like I can't that long it hurts so bad. I don't think I can wait. I think i'm going to leave this Sunday after meeting with my priest. I really want to wait for N so I know it will all really be over and I can't quite mess it up.
I'm just really sad because when I was younger I thought I could really beat my depression and that everything would be okay but it never got better.
Today the person who said they don't mind me venting ignored my messages and messaged me on snapchat asking for nudes. I know i'm a sex worker and I should be used to it but I just really wanted someone to care and he was the last person who I had never slept with and I knew wouldn't tell. It just hurts being nothing. I hate being a toy.
Things never get better and I tried my hardest to grasp onto every reason to stay but I just can't wait anymore i'm leaving soon. I think I am going to treat myself to a nice hotel and drop off my kitten at my parent's house with lots of pets and kisses before. I'm sure i'll see my fluffy buddy in another life.
I love my cat so fucking much but it just hurts so bad, it's unbearable and as much as I love him I just need to rest.
I hope he forgets me, it kills me knowing he will wait for me to come home to give him treats and cuddles.
He kept me here for a year longer than I planned. He deserved an owner that would stay for the rest of his life, he deserves better and he will have better but I just wish it could have been me.
I'm used and just a stupid fucktoy to everyone even ones who I thought genuinely liked me. I'm just exhausted and so scared but I know I will never feel like this again. Soon everything is going to feel better, I won't have my body, i'll feel clean and I will never hurt like this again. It will all be okay. As much as I love my cat I can't wait for the supplies to come.
So now i'm cuddling the stuffed animal I was given given when I was a toddler and i'm going to send the photos the man asked for I don't know why. He left me on read after I said okay that I would. The man who groomed me as a teen sent me a message asking how I was and I told him fine.
But it's okay soon I am going to feel so much better. I hope so.
I'm just really sad because when I was younger I thought I could really beat my depression and that everything would be okay but it never got better.
Today the person who said they don't mind me venting ignored my messages and messaged me on snapchat asking for nudes. I know i'm a sex worker and I should be used to it but I just really wanted someone to care and he was the last person who I had never slept with and I knew wouldn't tell. It just hurts being nothing. I hate being a toy.
Things never get better and I tried my hardest to grasp onto every reason to stay but I just can't wait anymore i'm leaving soon. I think I am going to treat myself to a nice hotel and drop off my kitten at my parent's house with lots of pets and kisses before. I'm sure i'll see my fluffy buddy in another life.
I love my cat so fucking much but it just hurts so bad, it's unbearable and as much as I love him I just need to rest.
I hope he forgets me, it kills me knowing he will wait for me to come home to give him treats and cuddles.
He kept me here for a year longer than I planned. He deserved an owner that would stay for the rest of his life, he deserves better and he will have better but I just wish it could have been me.
I'm used and just a stupid fucktoy to everyone even ones who I thought genuinely liked me. I'm just exhausted and so scared but I know I will never feel like this again. Soon everything is going to feel better, I won't have my body, i'll feel clean and I will never hurt like this again. It will all be okay. As much as I love my cat I can't wait for the supplies to come.
So now i'm cuddling the stuffed animal I was given given when I was a toddler and i'm going to send the photos the man asked for I don't know why. He left me on read after I said okay that I would. The man who groomed me as a teen sent me a message asking how I was and I told him fine.
But it's okay soon I am going to feel so much better. I hope so.
