my boyfriend blackmails me

[c824767]

He wants to make me commit to living another 20 years.
I have to move in with him (I cannot cannot cannot because the house is too big and too messy) or else he will find someone else.
I am so unhappy. I need him as an emotional support but that seems like I am abusing him and anyway I am just barely getting by using that emotional support to not go and ctb right now. I am just like you all say you are, would rather type my thoughts onto this forum than go and clean the house.
Everything feels wrong. Why is he so happy ?
He says he is just so happy when I am at his house with him.
For me this is a big change (have been living at my female friend's house for the past 6 torturous months) and I am just crying all the time.

 

[Moonicide]

Hey, love. I am so sorry you're dealing with all of this... Him blackmailing you to live with him is not okay. He sounds abusive and controlling from what I'm gathering from your story. You shouldn't have to decide those things on the spot. If he valued you he'd give you the time and space for you to decide on what you want to do. Not on his time. This doesn't sound like a healthy environment or dynamic, love. Is there any way you can seek emotional part somewhere else? You can always lean and turn to us if you need to, love. Please don't destroy yourself over this man. There is someone out there that will provide you with support without blackmailing you or threatening you...

Sending you lots of love and support you way.

 

[c824767]

I feel so useless and sad. Thanks for your support.

 

[Moonicide]

I feel so useless and sad. Thanks for your support.

May I ask what's making you feel useless and sad? Totally okay if you don't want to talk about it.
Just know we're here to listen. You are valid, your emotions, and experiences are valid.

 

[Final Escape]

Couldn't u make his place more comfortable? Or will he not let u clean it? You don't have bpd do u? It just sounds familiar but I could be wrong of course. Is he pressuring u to move in too soon? That's red flag of a cluster B. I have borderline that's why I'm wondering because u seem to be experiencing a lot of emotional stuff and discomfort in the relationship.

 

[c824767]

I feel so much emotional stuff because in am in this world. He is sort of helping often but there are certain things he insists on that are not helping. I started cleaning up yesterday but it is hard. I am not a good cleaner. I feel useless at practical things. I used to work a full time prestigious computer job, made a lot of money but this is 20 years ago. I was married too long without a job. My husband disgusted me with his idea of a prenupt (he seriously thought he would not have to give me anything after 20 years and he is a multi millionaire), his idea of his tax shelter account in Switzerland, his idea of saving money by claiming government benefits that are meant for the poor. He also hated the idea to help my mom and my brother who are "working poor" in Germany. Now I feel poor and my boyfriend is thinking up all these weird schemes to make money with the help of the homeless which scares me. And I no longer find things that give me joy. I feel deprived and in agony over whatever and useless. I felt so good in my brain the two times I tried to kill myself, and it was such trauma to be back in this world. I am just so traumatizeable right now. I cannot believe how everyone is always so optimistic.

 

[c824767]

May I ask what's making you feel useless and sad? Totally okay if you don't want to talk about it.
Just know we're here to listen. You are valid, your emotions, and experiences are valid.

I am also one of those people who cry when they have to clean. Actually it is better when other people are also cleaning around me.

 

[NextBusLeaving]

Pleased to make your acquaintance fraulein. Sorry your bf is a jerk.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

He wants to make me commit to living another 20 years.
I have to move in with him (I cannot cannot cannot because the house is too big and too messy) or else he will find someone else.
I am so unhappy. I need him as an emotional support but that seems like I am abusing him and anyway I am just barely getting by using that emotional support to not go and ctb right now. I am just like you all say you are, would rather type my thoughts onto this forum than go and clean the house.
Everything feels wrong. Why is he so happy ?
He says he is just so happy when I am at his house with him.
For me this is a big change (have been living at my female friend's house for the past 6 torturous months) and I am just crying all the time.

I think you should dump him... just my personal opinion.

 

[Final Escape]

I am also one of those people who cry when they have to clean. Actually it is better when other people are also cleaning around me.

I hate cleaning lol! It's like pulling teeth but I have to do it because I have people come over regularly. With my kitten I have to clean even more he loves to trash the place lol! Because he's young and crazy.

 

[c824767]

I think you should dump him... just my personal opinion.

joy is overrated