Venting My body is so shitty!!!

[Cyber4ngel!]

Today I feel like crap!! I feel like my physique is a mess, my flesh is flabby, my skin is wrinkled, and I have cellulite and stretch marks. I have scars from self-harm all over my body, my breasts are saggy, and when I lie down, they wrinkle horribly and it's disgusting. I have too much coarse hair all over my body, I have no muscle at all, I have a big nose, I have moles inside my eyes that look bad, my teeth are yellow and crooked, my lips are too small, and I have the body of an 80-year-old woman and at the same time the face of someone in elementary school. I hate my face, I hate my body, and I'm starting to like someone, but the guy is very handsome, and I feel like I don't even deserve to be near him because of how ugly I am, and i know he could have the most beautiful person in the world by his side if he wanted!!!!!! I want to go to the gym but i cant even afford it bc of the homeless situation, or i want to cover myself in tattoos so i dont have to look at the stretch marks anymore, i have a big tattoo on my leg and it covers a lot of the scars and wrinkly skin, and im so angry bc i want to have nice things too!! I want nice clothes and i want to smell nice and i want to be able to cut my hair, i asked how much for a haircut today and it was 14 dollars :// and like with 20 dollars i can pay for a night at a motel to have shelter I can't waste 14 dollars on a haircut even if it makes me feel good bc its just not smart to do that!!!
No one tells u how hard is it and how shitty it makes u feel when you want to look nice and u are homeless at the same time or simply dont have the money, I wish I could get rid of all my imperfections!!!!!!!!!! Anyways hi how are u all....

 

[Languish]

20 dollars for a motel for a night? So lucky, it is 200 here, if I didn't have a job I'd be fucked and would have to live on the street.

For what it's worth I think you're very pretty, but have severe dysphoria and think the worst of yourself. You don't look nearly as bad as you think you do. Sometimes we are the harshest critics of ourselves and I find that sad. Keep your head up, okay?

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

It's really unfair to want to feel good in your own body and not have the means to do something about it, but please don't beat yourself up too hard, don't forget your living circumstances... there will come a day when you can buy the clothes that make you feel amazing, get the perfect haircut, and afford the gym without worry, it's not an impossible-to-reach dream, it will come, sooner hopefully than you think.

Like languish said, You're looking at yourself through a lens of self-criticism that's been sharpened by struggle, by pain, by deprivation. But your body, your face, none of it is wrong. It's just you. There is nothing disgusting about being real, about being human, about having scars that prove you've survived things most people can't even imagine you've been through by looking at you. Hell, I hate most of myself, both in personality and in looks, you're not alone in that self hatred especially in this forum, but I know it stings so much more because of your financial situation. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

And with the guy you like.... you don't have to be flawless to deserve someone's attention. You don't have to be some impossible version of "beautiful" to be worthy of love, attraction, or respect. People have scars, people will have saggy breasts (both men AND woman LOL), a lump on their stomach, stretch marks... If this guy is only capable of valuing someone for a perfect, unattainable standard of beauty, then he's not worth your time. From the very little we've talked with each other, I think you're a funny girl, and you are pretty, and you have more worth than you're giving yourself credit for.

The way society treats and cares for the homeless is so fucked up, don't let a broken system convince you that you are broken. You're not. You're surviving something brutal, and you're still here. And even if you can't see it right now, that means something.

I'm rooting for you, and my DM's are always open.

And for me, I've been putting off university... been too depressed to will myself to get anything above a minimal passing grade. Pretty excited for the JOJO part 7 adaption, I loved the manga, and rewatching cowboy bepop reignited my love for it. Actually I felt really good today, compared to most days. No paranoia of death or life, not too much self-loathing, which is a victory in my book.

 

[Crematoryy]

Today I feel like crap!! I feel like my physique is a mess, my flesh is flabby, my skin is wrinkled, and I have cellulite and stretch marks. I have scars from self-harm all over my body, my breasts are saggy, and when I lie down, they wrinkle horribly and it's disgusting. I have too much coarse hair all over my body, I have no muscle at all, I have a big nose, I have moles inside my eyes that look bad, my teeth are yellow and crooked, my lips are too small, and I have the body of an 80-year-old woman and at the same time the face of someone in elementary school. I hate my face, I hate my body, and I'm starting to like someone, but the guy is very handsome, and I feel like I don't even deserve to be near him because of how ugly I am, and i know he could have the most beautiful person in the world by his side if he wanted!!!!!! I want to go to the gym but i cant even afford it bc of the homeless situation, or i want to cover myself in tattoos so i dont have to look at the stretch marks anymore, i have a big tattoo on my leg and it covers a lot of the scars and wrinkly skin, and im so angry bc i want to have nice things too!! I want nice clothes and i want to smell nice and i want to be able to cut my hair, i asked how much for a haircut today and it was 14 dollars :// and like with 20 dollars i can pay for a night at a motel to have shelter I can't waste 14 dollars on a haircut even if it makes me feel good bc its just not smart to do that!!!
No one tells u how hard is it and how shitty it makes u feel when you want to look nice and u are homeless at the same time or simply dont have the money, I wish I could get rid of all my imperfections!!!!!!!!!! Anyways hi how are u all....

Do you consider paying 14 dollars a lot?
(I'm so sad)

I know how cruel it is to be limited by the world around you. You charge yourself for a beauty that -- based on your analysis -- you don't possess. This is so unfair...so unfair to yourself. Don't cover yourself for something that has always been inaccessible to you. Aesthetic care is linked to your socioeconomic class. And appearance is a means of social discrimination. That's why I hate it. I sympathize with your pain.

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

Do you consider paying 14 dollars a lot?
(I'm so sad)

I know how cruel it is to be limited by the world around you. You charge yourself for a beauty that -- based on your analysis -- you don't possess. This is so unfair...so unfair to yourself. Don't cover yourself for something that has always been inaccessible to you. Aesthetic care is linked to your socioeconomic class. And appearance is a means of social discrimination. That's why I hate it. I sympathize with your pain.

I agree.... again I know a lot of formerly homeless people personally and it's not an issue that's properly addressed. These people are struggling