Venting My biggest reason to commit suicide is jealousy

[Reflection]

I tried my hardest, sacrificed so much time and effort not only for absolutely nothing, but to be booted out and replaced... yeah it happens to almost everyone, but how is that supposed to make me feel any better?

I'm always on the verge of suffocating just with the thought of her being intimate with someone else, and that's after 1 whole year from the breakup...every minute I keep on living is one where I feel like an absolute cuck....and the feelings of missing her and what we had are still there like rubbing salt on the wound, I still keep dreaming about her frequently and once I wake up and realize she's not there I feel like killing myself, sometimes I even punch myself in the head...I got molested as a child and while that traumatized me I was able to get over it myself, but I never got to this point before in my life.

 

[NegevChina]

So sorry for how bad you feel and the suffering your going through. I know just how you feel I've felt it a few times in the past and its living hell!!

 

[Valhala]

Never, never in my life was I jealous, until I met her, the only woman I truly loved. Our love was deep and mutual, we loved each other very much, but due to my stupidity, I broke up with her several times. Since the last breakup, it's been It's been 10 months and I feel the same way, when I think about her being intimate with someone I feel like I'm going crazy with jealousy. I dream about her often, in my dreams we always reconcile and we're together again, the only reason I'm still not CTB is that sometimes I think that maybe we can be together again.

 

[Reflection]

Never, never in my life was I jealous, until I met her, the only woman I truly loved. Our love was deep and mutual, we loved each other very much, but due to my stupidity, I broke up with her several times. Since the last breakup, it's been It's been 10 months and I feel the same way, when I think about her being intimate with someone I feel like I'm going crazy with jealousy. I dream about her often, in my dreams we always reconcile and we're together again, the only reason I'm still not CTB is that sometimes I think that maybe we can be together again.

I was going to commit suicide yesterday but due to a panic attack on monday I didn't, now I'm basically hoping to reconcile and marry her, that's all what's keeping me going, I just assume she's not involved with anyone, but I have no way of knowing...now all I can do is wait if she ever reaches out, but if that never happens then I'll definitely end it

 

[Valhala]

I was going to commit suicide yesterday but due to a panic attack on monday I didn't, now I'm basically hoping to reconcile and marry her, that's all what's keeping me going, I just assume she's not involved with anyone, but I have no way of knowing...now all I can do is wait if she ever reaches out, but if that never happens then I'll definitely end it

Dear friend, I understand how you feel and with all my heart I wish you to be together again, I wish it for you as much as I wish it for myself and her. Only the one who goes through the same pain can fully understand you, true love only happens once, it is worth it everything and it is stronger than everything, if we really experience it and lose it, nothing makes sense anymore.

I was going to commit suicide yesterday but due to a panic attack on monday I didn't, now I'm basically hoping to reconcile and marry her, that's all what's keeping me going, I just assume she's not involved with anyone, but I have no way of knowing...now all I can do is wait if she ever reaches out, but if that never happens then I'll definitely end it

Of course, if there is any way to get in touch with her, try it. Send her flowers or write a letter in which you will try to explain to her your feelings and how much she means to you in life. Even if she doesn't answer you or refuses flowers, don't give up right away, fight for her, women often expect it as a proof of love and loyalty, and we men sometimes really have to go through Golgotha fighting for our beloved woman, but if she is really THE one, the right one, it is worth every effort and every fight, believe me.

 

[Reflection]

Dear friend, I understand how you feel and with all my heart I wish you to be together again, I wish it for you as much as I wish it for myself and her. Only the one who goes through the same pain can fully understand you, true love only happens once, it is worth it everything and it is stronger than everything, if we really experience it and lose it, nothing makes sense anymore.

Of course, if there is any way to get in touch with her, try it. Send her flowers or write a letter in which you will try to explain to her your feelings and how much she means to you in life. Even if she doesn't answer you or refuses flowers, don't give up right away, fight for her, women often expect it as a proof of love and loyalty, and we men sometimes really have to go through Golgotha fighting for our beloved woman, but if she is really THE one, the right one, it is worth every effort and every fight, believe me.

Thank you for your kind words. I already fought as hard as I could, but after someone decides to leave and keeps you around they just end up taking you for granted even more, that was mg biggest mistake.

I know she still cares about me in some way, after not attending college for 3 days she unblocked me and asked about me, but that's all I am to her right now: a colleague. I think my only shot is to give her space and she might miss me but that's about it, but given it already been a year it's unlikely. Anyway Im giving this a year, hopefully we all get our good endings. If not I can atleast die knowing I did all I could. Letting her go and missing her is one thing but knowing she's out there living dream we once had with someone else might as well be a death sentence for me.