my academic downfall is getting to me

[imveryretarded]

i am in a very unideal living situation, have been for a good amount of time, which is why i care about my grades so much. i want to get out of here, i want to reach financial freedom one day if i dont kill myself, but ironically that may happen soon. my gpa has dropped, it will drop even more, i am so stupid, to the point studying isnt even saving me, theres no point yet i still study. it pains me so much that im failing academically, jesus im literally ugly and i hate the fact i cant even make that up by being smart or having good grades. i am such a failure, i want to kill myself as i dont want to fail the next upcoming exams, as it will affect me a lot. i know this sounds stupid, but my academic failure isnt just one of the only reasons i want to kill myself theres more but hopefully someone else can relate on how im feeling right now

 

[SexyIncél]

May help to keep in mind that you're in a system that judges you ruthlessly. It labels many people "failures" for merely trying to live the life of the mind. Like cattle, you get a grade stamped on your head: Grade A beef, etc

There's a great underground book on this: "Disciplined Minds: A Critical Look at Salaried Professionals and the Soul-battering System That Shapes Their Lives". You may find academia like an abusive relationship — which makes you feel self-loathing in all sorts of nonobvious ways

 

[Endisclose]

i am in a very unideal living situation, have been for a good amount of time, which is why i care about my grades so much. i want to get out of here, i want to reach financial freedom one day if i dont kill myself, but ironically that may happen soon. my gpa has dropped, it will drop even more, i am so stupid, to the point studying isnt even saving me, theres no point yet i still study. it pains me so much that im failing academically, jesus im literally ugly and i hate the fact i cant even make that up by being smart or having good grades. i am such a failure, i want to kill myself as i dont want to fail the next upcoming exams, as it will affect me a lot. i know this sounds stupid, but my academic failure isnt just one of the only reasons i want to kill myself theres more but hopefully someone else can relate on how im feeling right now

The reason you are having problems in academic learning is because there are certain cognitive deficits associated with mental illness and they are worse depending upon the severity and nature of the condition you have. I had bipolar and struggled in college and barely scraped through everytime. The executive function takes a hit. Areas like short term memory, processing speed, focus, emotional regulation are all affected proportional to extent of mental Illness and the chemical imbalance that is there in the brain corresponding to the condition one has.

I dunno if you have developed your own method of study.. One has to devise one's own method of study based on the problems that one has. The goal of learning is understanding, so "study" that doesn't serve that goal is just a waste if time. Developing critical thinking skills can help a long way. Look up bloom's taxonomy and use it to work your way to understanding, applying concepts.

The final goal should be creation as that is the highest value that one can create out of one's knowledge.. If you ask me its difficult for neurodiverse people to study in courses that have been designed with neurotypical people in mind. I'd much rather prefer a course with flexible options that allows me to learn at my own pace with getting understanding in mind rather than be hurried to work at a pace that my condition won't allow... I hope this makes sense..

 

[Hotsackage]

Grades have nothing to do with intelligence, but I was kind of like that younger

 

[imveryretarded]

The reason you are having problems in academic learning is because there are certain cognitive deficits associated with mental illness and they are worse depending upon the severity and nature of the condition you have. I had bipolar and struggled in college and barely scraped through everytime. The executive function takes a hit. Areas like short term memory, processing speed, focus, emotional regulation are all affected proportional to extent of mental Illness and the chemical imbalance that is there in the brain corresponding to the condition one has.

I dunno if you have developed your own method of study.. One has to devise one's own method of study based on the problems that one has. The goal of learning is understanding, so "study" that doesn't serve that goal is just a waste if time. Developing critical thinking skills can help a long way. Look up bloom's taxonomy and use it to work your way to understanding, applying concepts.

The final goal should be creation as that is the highest value that one can create out of one's knowledge.. If you ask me its difficult for neurodiverse people to study in courses that have been designed with neurotypical people in mind. I'd much rather prefer a course with flexible options that allows me to learn at my own pace with getting understanding in mind rather than be hurried to work at a pace that my condition won't allow... I hope this makes sense..

this was very unexpectedly helpful, i also completely agree with the last part, i hate being hurried and i wish to learn at my own pace but sadly that cant happen. thank you though this has given me a little bit of motivation

 

[rozeske]

Don't waste your life worrying about grades and academic achievements. I hope you can see the world for what it is, so much more than grades. I'm not saying forget about it all together, i know what it means when it's the only thing you think you've got going for you, but don't let the stress of it push you further to your breaking point. It's not worth it. Try to manage to balance it.

 

[Endisclose]

this was very unexpectedly helpful, i also completely agree with the last part, i hate being hurried and i wish to learn at my own pace but sadly that cant happen. thank you though this has given me a little bit of motivation

I did a course on rational inquiry which helped me a lot.. to make sense of things. You should find the following book helpful.

Critical Thinking: Tools for Taking Charge of Your Professional and Personal Life - by Linda elder and Richard paul

There are some courses that you may find helpful on their website

https://www.criticalthinking.org/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwudexBhDKARIsAI-GWYUiQB_FpYpgcrOS4FMNBnHimoUjuzsThByanZWSMiJXXOJZt2msKkYaAoNiEALw_wcB

I think the key is to first understand how knowledge is created - both scientific and mathematical. The authours mentioned above have a bunch of other books that you may find helpful towards that end as well.

Other resources you might find helpful

1) A Taxonomy for Learning, Teaching, and Assessing: A Revision of Bloom's Taxonomy of Educational Objectives - David krathwohl and Lorin W. Anderson

2) International baccalaureate's Theory of Knowledge book (you can choose from several publications)

3) Nicomachean ethics by Aristotle.

One more thing I'd like to say is it's essential to choose your line of study and career well. The cognitive deficits i mentioned earlier make disciplines with an analytical component (Stem fields) more stressful and challenging. For instance I am bipolar and autistic. I took up engineering and found a lil too late that I had no aptitude for it plus the anxiety and stress I got from an IT job was not suited for my condition. I would have been better off in hindsight learning languages (as I have a natural aptitude for them) and pursuing music and literature. So choose your line of work and study well. Wish you good luck.

 

[anon0123242]

I kinda have the same problem. I study finance and it started good. But now im not feeling good anymore and can't force myself to do my homework anymore. I failed some axamens now

 

[secretariat]

i relate too! school is just so exhausting sometimes and my upcoming exam is making me contemplate things again.

but the exams will eventually be over and maybe you'll be able to breathe a little again. remember that exams and such are not a reflection of you or your value!

sending lots of good wishes your way; you can do it!!