My 5 year extreme isolation story

[unluckysadness]

This is probably one of the saddest stories you'll read here on SaSu, but this is my miserable "life" since 2021. I need to say that I was always very solitary, but isolation is another thing... Now I know I'm neurodivergent and 90% probably autistic, so I understand things better.

I won't talk about years before 2021 because it's even more sad and it's a very long story, so I'll only focus on the 2021-2026 period.

So in 2021, I had a job but I had to quit it because it made me sick (literally), due to too much stress. Now I'm disabled (neuromuscular disease) because of this job and other reasons. In the beginning, being at home was such like relief because i couldn't handle my job anymore. But after months of sick leave, I started to think about : what to do next ? Can I work again ?

And months passed, seasons, hot summers, cold winters (I didn't warm my apartment because it's too expensive). Until now (June 2026), more suicidal than ever.

But when i talk about "extreme isolation", I mean :
- I'm severely agoraphic since I was 16, so I avoid people, no meetings, no restaurants, no travels (even nearby location), et cetera ...
- I live alone with my cat (no partner, no friends, family doesn't live in my city) - I've always been alone (no partner ever) and still virgin
- I cannot drive anymore
- some days I talk to no one (literally) - I often go out just to buy food and say "hello" to the seller... (so my brain had at least ONE social interaction)
- I eat with other human beings maybe 2 or 3 times per YEAR... (I'm not lying when I talk about EXTREME isolation)
- the only visit I have is my mother who comes and stay one hour every 2-3 weeks (I don't want her to stay more because she gives me stress with her questions)
- my OCDs are incompatible with living with people

Being aware of my situation and comparing with normal people is maybe the most difficult thing. My autistic brain has to deal with too much information and people never understand me, so I'm forced to survive like a miserable piece of shit. It's so cruel. In the morning my body aches so much, I just don't want to wake up (my body aches the whole day but I feel it's worse in the morning). How many hours I did overthinking in the past 5 years and tried to find solutions to cope ? It' just insane...

I don't need to give you details about things I did in the past 5 years : in fact, I did nothing, except surviving and suffering. I sold things online to pass time and the rest of the time I'm struggling with my physical and mental pain. And in 2022 I had a huge trauma that game me PTSD.

Some of you may ask "did you seek help" ? The answer is yes. I'm in my mid 40s and I tried a lot of therapies but my sick brain refuses to heal, so the only realistic solution for me is suicide / euthanasia.

The thing is that isolation is ADDICTIVE in my case. It's a vicious circle. I don't know if anyone else can relate, but I think the end is soon for me. My method is ready and I just have to decide on a date. I'm just sad for my mother and my cat. I have bad moments with my cats since weeks because she was severely injuried but her life was saved.

Thanks for reading my story and I apologize for my bad english. I have more essential things to say about my situation but I don't like writing long posts (and this one is already too long...)

 

[SASU-KE]

That was a very difficult read. I too live alone.But I am forced to interact with a lot of people due to my job.I also have people who work for me, so I have to interact with them as well.

Of course, your situation is vastly different. I like living alone. But I don't want to isolate myself. I get the minimum interaction needed. And if I completely isolated myself, I'd probably go crazy.

On top of that, you have health issues as well. You're very tenacious to have made it into your mid 40s. You can definitely be proud of that. A lot of people would have given up much earlier. And I know people who have.

I hope life gets better for you and you find peace.

 

[unluckysadness]

That was a very difficult read. I too live alone.But I am forced to interact with a lot of people due to my job.I also have people who work for me, so I have to interact with them as well.

Of course, your situation is vastly different. I like living alone. But I don't want to isolate myself. I get the minimum interaction needed. And if I completely isolated myself, I'd probably go crazy.

On top of that, you have health issues as well. You're very tenacious to have made it into your mid 40s. You can definitely be proud of that. A lot of people would have given up much earlier. And I know people who have.

I hope life gets better for you and you find peace.

Thank you for your kind words I think I'm very tenacious too, but the end of the road is close to me. I had potential but life was too cruel with me, so I just hope to have a peaceful ending now. I wish you peace too

 

[enduringwinter]

Me too but I don't even have a pet and family members live on other continents which I'm grateful for. Huge trauma in 2022 also, last I had a job was over 10 years ago, I do some stuff in between but I wouldnt count those. I don't think isolation is addictive so much as some of us just dont get anything from other people. Sorry wish I could help

 

[3rdworldsadness]

I am very sorry, but I think I would rather live in isolation than with abusive people who constantly make life a hell, and you feel like an outsider all the time. In isolation nobody can hurt me atleast. I wish we didn't have to work or live in forceful society rather we just live in nature, good environment, and do our hobbies like what we love to do..... still it's one of my dream...

 

[redmourningdove]

Isolation is very addictive. I'm really sad to hear your story. If you're truly in a situation where you can NEVER interact with anyone else ever again, I think I would commit suicide too. That being said, I don't think it's too late if you've already so aware of your own problems...there are people out there who would want to provide companionship to someone like you. I hope to hear about the other essential problems you described, and I really do believe we as humans were never meant to JUST survive. You have so much for to live for than that. I want the best for you.