Music from when you first started feeling suicidal

[daikon]

I just started cycling through some of my favorite depression jams from high school, and I was curious what music other people associate with the beginnings of their suicidal ideation. For me, it's Neutral Milk Hotel, jordaan mason & the horse museum, and the song This Year by The Mountain Goats.

Sucks to remember how long I've felt like this and that I'm even more miserable than I was as an awkward weeby teenager. So much for "It Gets Better" — turns out it gets infinitely worse in ways you could never have imagined.

 

[not_a_robot]

I'm sure there were many over the years, but I try to block music out of my mind now, because I don't like how it manipulates my emotions.
I remember thinking Lithium, Fell on Black Days, and Unsung were great potential suicide, murder/suicide songs. A bunch of shit by the Smiths.
Flesh For Lulu,
"she touches her black tattoo,
Well ya know she's got to live with it now,
And you only live as long as you want to."
I don't want to remember more than that.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I remember being suicidal even before my brother killed himself in 99, so I guess all of his favorite songs then became the soundtrack to that trauma. A lot of System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine, Metallica, Soundgarden, Nirvana.

Then I found Jeff Buckley and Elliott Smith and that launched a new level to my depression.

 

[inconsequential]

The first time I knew I was suicidal, I was 9.

Nine Inch Nails.
The Downward Spiral.
A Warm Place

That is my song. It will always be my song.

 

[Laststop]

The songs that fit when I first thought about CTB were from Phil Collins. I always thought his music was depressing, and fit the disrepair I had at a young age. Right now the song Time by Pink Floyd best suits my mood.

 

[bigthief]

Neutral Milk Hotel for sure. Weirdly (bc I don't even particularly like The Killers) Sam's Town fucking wrecks me?

"I've got this energy beneath my feet like something underground's gonna come up and carry me." For some reason I hear those lyrics and it hits me just how real this is.

 

[Skathon]

Consciously suicidal?
Steve Conte - "Stray"
Slipknot - "Wait and Bleed"
Disturbed - "Breathe"
For I no longer remember my earlier (when I was 7-9) preferences.

 

[Loli]

I was 12-13 when became acutely suicidal for the first time in my life. Back then I was a psycho fan of Hans Zimmer, listened to almost exclusively movie soundtracks and classical music. And Enya, Dead can dance, Secret garden, Loreena McKennit...

 

[Tortured_empath]

Neutral Milk Hotel for sure. Weirdly (bc I don't even particularly like The Killers) Sam's Town fucking wrecks me?

"I've got this energy beneath my feet like something underground's gonna come up and carry me." For some reason I hear those lyrics and it hits me just how real this is.

I looove you Jeuuuus Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiist

 

[Rollinggirl]

Icon for Hire
Anna Clendening
Lost one's weeping
My R

 

[Empty Smile]

As always, mines been Pink Floyd.

 

[lilyeehaw]

oh jeez where do I start , Here is a few of them

 

[Ready124]

Don't fear the reaper. Absolute tune and so true for me now! X

 

[Tortured_empath]

I used to find solace in this album when my life first started going downhill:

It's pretty depressing, so I guess I was just wallowing in my feelings...

 

[not_a_robot]

Don't fear the reaper. Absolute tune and so true for me now! X

lol when I was a kid I thought that song was soooo spooky. I just assumed, as a child, that when he says "forty thousand men and women every day, we can be like they are" that he was talking about the worldwide suicide rate or death rate, but I actually tried to find the statistics once and could not match them to the song.

 

[blanketyblk]

I was 12-13 when became acutely suicidal for the first time in my life. Back then I was a psycho fan of Hans Zimmer, listened to almost exclusively movie soundtracks and classical music. And Enya, Dead can dance, Secret garden, Loreena McKennit...

Aww. i love ya!! :) this songs is one that i love playing on the Violin, i usually play it 4 or 5 times a year. i just love this music!!! *swooon*



and here is the 2 cellos rendition of it.. which is why i sooo want to buy a cello.... god to i want too. try and tell me there is nothing sexier than someone playing the cello.. even if they are male :-) grrr god i got a crush on the cello :-)

 

[not_a_robot]

I always thought this would make a beautiful song for jumpers but I have got no clue what it's about. Just a perfect song for running full speed across a roof and leaping as hard as you can. I would never have the guts for that, even if I lived a million years.

 

[Santiago]

I remember we were forced to live on a really shady camping site in this very old van where the doors wouldn't even close. Then in the weekend my whole family would always just leave (brother to his girlfriend, father to his girlfriend etc..) and leave 10 year old me behind for 2 days

As a 10 year old I was absolutely terrified at night so I remember just staying up for those whole 2 days to make sure I could protect myself if something happened. Always had the TV on and I remember this song used to come up regularly



That period in my life is the first time I really wondered what the point of life was and ever since then that song always had a special meaning to me

 

[Loli]

Aww. i love ya!! :) this songs is one that i love playing on the Violin, i usually play it 4 or 5 times a year. i just love this music!!! *swooon*



and here is the 2 cellos rendition of it.. which is why i sooo want to buy a cello.... god to i want too. try and tell me there is nothing sexier than someone playing the cello.. even if they are male :-) grrr god i got a crush on the cello :-)

I envy your skill. I began my adventure with violin this month, hope one day I'll reach this level c:

 

[mathieu]

I first became suicidal at 15 and my favourites were Nirvana, Placebo, Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson etc.

 

[inconsequential]

I became suicidal at the age of 11, and listened to almost exclusively Nine Inch Nails & KMFDM.

 

[pushka]

I became suicidal at the age of 11, and listened to almost exclusively Nine Inch Nails & KMFDM.

nin and kmfdm, sounds like you're in the tcc

 

[inconsequential]

nin and kmfdm, sounds like you're in the tcc

Dylan yells real good.

 

[pushka]

Dylan yells real good.

what the hell are you doing to my sister's bike ?!1?

 

[inconsequential]

what the hell are you doing to my sister's bike ?!1?

Tiger... you stay behind Tex.

 

[Pistolero114]

In my day it was Linda Ronstadt and Poor Poor Pitiful Me. But lately I've been hanging out so to speak with Alice in Chains and Don't Follow. (From the Flies In A Jar LP)

 

[pushka]

Tiger... you stay behind Tex.

It's $20 a day in school, you know we can't have weapons on school grounds

 

[Pistolero114]

I first became suicidal at 15 and my favourites were Nirvana, Placebo, Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson etc.

Any Korn?

 

[inconsequential]

Any Korn?

No.

It's $20 a day in school, you know we can't have weapons on school grounds

Shoot everything that moves... that's made of clothes

 

[mathieu]

Any Korn?

Don't think so. I listened to a lot of emo music, which was the style at the time.