I was very acute suicical in October. Another rejection just broke me. I never experienced something like that. But there was emptiness in my head. I never experienced something like that. My head was never empty before. Many people with depression describe emptiness inside their head. For me instead it is never ending racing thoughts. Except for this moment. And I thought to myself it is over. I noticed something was off. Because it was different to my all my prior suicidal ideation. It was the point that broke the camel's back. But my friends called the police. So here I am still.
When experienced this emptiness I worked on my plans to kill myself. But I could not listen to music. I always envisioned my suicide with melancholia, nostalgia, regrets and maybe some low level romanticism when I listen to my favorite suicide of rappers who also died way too young. But it was really serious. I could not listen to music. Music has comforted me for so long. It nurtured my soul. However, in these moments I needed a clear mind with not too many emotions. Despite all these songs are about depression and suicide they comforted me and helped me to live longer. I always thought I would listen to sunlight on your skin/ falling down of Lil Peep and xxx before I die. But it was too serious for music. There was just me and the SN. And my friends who I sent a goodbye text to.
When experienced this emptiness I worked on my plans to kill myself. But I could not listen to music. I always envisioned my suicide with melancholia, nostalgia, regrets and maybe some low level romanticism when I listen to my favorite suicide of rappers who also died way too young. But it was really serious. I could not listen to music. Music has comforted me for so long. It nurtured my soul. However, in these moments I needed a clear mind with not too many emotions. Despite all these songs are about depression and suicide they comforted me and helped me to live longer. I always thought I would listen to sunlight on your skin/ falling down of Lil Peep and xxx before I die. But it was too serious for music. There was just me and the SN. And my friends who I sent a goodbye text to.
