Help more complaining from this guy

[TheWorstLife]

so, youre telling me i have to get a job when living is a job in and of itself? and yeah i would get a job if i wasnt 30-40 min walk from everything in this shitty ass city. this city is so shitty in fact that theres barely even any buildings tall enough to jump from lmao. its that bad. i have basically no food idk how to cook shit and the kitchen is fucking disgusting here. i hate living here i hate the person im living with i hate myself i hate it all. i dont have money so i cant order sn and even then idek how id get it at all from a reliable source. this world is evil and filled with evil people and its so much work just to even be alive like whats the point? its genuinely not worth it. theres no joy from this planet unless im high. well, if youre still reading, theres some frozen chicken breast in the freezer and if somebody would be down to teach me how to make it with what i have and maybe help me make something actually tasty and edible that would be awesome. the only thing i have left after that is 3 hotdogs and rice. tons of rice. ill be living off rice for the time being ig but i feel like thatd be unhealthy considering humans need variety for nutrients. i wanna kill myself soon since i dropped my album and thats what i wanted to do before i died. i dont really have anything else to do except drop more songs which i have but its not even worth it anyway, music is such a rare career. its all i have though. i feel like im just complaining and maybe i am because im too sober. i want death and i want it now. i cant keep living like a fucking prisoner. i dont like asking for help cuz it feels like begging but goddamn do i need the help but i dont wanna keep asking people for money/food and shit since its a dog eat dog world and its fend for yourself ig. this world is cruel i just want it to end. and no im not asking for money, the only thing id want from someone here is maybe the chicken breast culinary class lmao. im not sure why people even stay alive in this world if they arent wealthy enough to have stable living and super popular with friends and family. (i dont mean popular as in actually popular i mean just having friends and family that care and you talk to everyday) dude idk what to doooo everything is so fucking boring and menial its all worthless i just cant wait to die itd be the best pleasure in the world. my brain is fucking ruined too and it can never be normal ever again, maybe that plays a role. i genuinely want to dissipate into the wind. tl;dr lifes tough, im a pussy and want to end mine.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Do you have any cookware like a cast iron skillet or pots and pans? Olive oil or butter?

 

[TheWorstLife]

im gonna reply. since my dad messaged and said he can get me food ig cool yay food for another week of survival. this isnt a fucking life still. my dads gonna go steal the food and then give me it just because im his son but im damn sure he hates me. hes just obligated to love me and i feel the same way. its horrible. after i eat all that food then what? more begging for fucking food like a dog? its just not worth it still i wish i had a pistol sooo bad id shoot myself in an instant. cant deal with this shit anymore i hate everybody and everything. no matter what i do im still gonna be that failure of a kid who my parents said was "sooo smartt sooo kinddd" idek how they could think that of me. i genuinely reek as a human being id be better off as a bacterium. killing myself can be my final piece of art or something because living sure as hell isnt artistic. its just this random blob of existence that im forced to be a part of, why? because the creator/s of this universe is/are selfish. i dont even necessarily believe in a god or devil anymore i feel like if they did exist, life wouldnt be as horrible. the balance of good and evil would be different. maybe. im yapping again now, im crazy i want my brain to suddenly explode in my head

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

im gonna reply. since my dad messaged and said he can get me food ig cool yay food for another week of survival. this isnt a fucking life still. my dads gonna go steal the food and then give me it just because im his son but im damn sure he hates me. hes just obligated to love me and i feel the same way. its horrible. after i eat all that food then what? more begging for fucking food like a dog? its just not worth it still i wish i had a pistol sooo bad id shoot myself in an instant. cant deal with this shit anymore i hate everybody and everything. no matter what i do im still gonna be that failure of a kid who my parents said was "sooo smartt sooo kinddd" idek how they could think that of me. i genuinely reek as a human being id be better off as a bacterium. killing myself can be my final piece of art or something because living sure as hell isnt artistic. its just this random blob of existence that im forced to be a part of, why? because the creator/s of this universe is/are selfish. i dont even necessarily believe in a god or devil anymore i feel like if they did exist, life wouldnt be as horrible. the balance of good and evil would be different. maybe. im yapping again now, im crazy i want my brain to suddenly explode in my head

How old are you? What country do you live in?

 

[TheWorstLife]

Do you have any cookware like a cast iron skillet or pots and pans? Olive oil or butter?

no butter, no oil, theres a pot and a griddle that i occasionally use. i dont even care to wash the griddle anymore cuz the sink is filled to the brim with dishes and one sides fully clogged and im not cleaning all that shit, id rather just watch youtube and perish. i genuinely dont wanna do anything for myself anymore. i just eat because the uncomfortable pain in my stomach when im hungry. i dont like pain but i want death, how ironic

How old are you? What country do you live in?

18, canada

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

You're in panic mode. Whenever I'm in that situation it helps me to close my eyes and focus and concentrate on breathing. Deep Long breaths and I'm usually able to calm down and regain my senses again... I know that it's not a solution but at least it helps bring me back down to earth for
I wish I could help you more.

 

[TheWorstLife]

You're in panic mode. Whenever I'm in that situation it helps me to close my eyes and focus and concentrate on breathing. Deep Long breaths and I'm usually able to calm down and regain my senses again... I know that it's not a solution but at least it helps bring me back down to earth for
I wish I could help you more.

i feel like this 24/7 though, when im with my friends these thoughts nag at my mind, when im trying to sleep im restless because my brain is churning out self hatred. i have to admit i am in panic mode but when im not, i just dont use this website and im instead thinking of my music and stuff. thats my only distraction as of rn besides weed cuz im too broke for some rn. i will try breathing and closing my eyes with some youtube in the back so theres less silent room in my head to think.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Are you able to obtain a prescription for anxiety?
Share your music here.. We'd love to give it a listen

 

[TheWorstLife]

Are you able to obtain a prescription for anxiety?
Share your music here.. We'd love to give it a listen

sexeverything on spotify :3 and no i dont think id be able to obtain a prescription for anxiety. when i talked to a psychologist or someone of the sort when i was in the pediatric unit- (thankfully i went there before i turned 18 i heard the mhu here is awful for adults) -i feel like i just hide myself away. i cant tell people about the shit i saw on the internet as a kid and how (as of realizing recently) was definitely groomed into this circle of awful human beings and saw horrible things which fucked my entire brain up. i cant tell people the delusions i sometimes have. i just have to hide it away. i cant expose myself to anyone i feel like a turtle in its shell. a recluse. i just cant bring myself to do that. i FEEL like a sociopath for this but obviously im not diagnosed. i am diagnosed with nothing. even though i probably have SOMETHING to a minimal degree such as autism or adhd etc. not sure.