Monster

[Dead Spaсe]

Hello. I'm writing through a translator. I think I've ruined everything with my own hands. Killed, betrayed trust, hurt the people who love me. I don't deserve love or friendship. Can I love? I don't know anymore. I don't think I know who I am anymore. I'm just an empty, stupid nothing. A programmed robot, unable to make any difference in my shitty life. I'm disgusted with myself. I've tried to fix it, but I seem to be doing it all wrong. I'm not interacting with the world right and it's just getting worse. I want to die, just not feel anything, but that would kill everyone I care about. Thank you for the opportunity to talk. I apologize if anything is wrong.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Apologies if I'm misunderstanding but, it seems like you've recently had disagreements/ problems with family/ loved ones? It's hard to judge without knowing the situation but, I think most people are worthy of love and friendship. Maybe you have pushed people away or, broken their trust. Only you really know but- do you know why you might have done that? I'm not sure that part is always our fault. Are they not accepting your apology- if you offered one?

 

[Dead Spaсe]

Thank you very much for your reply. I entered into a communication with a person my loved one disliked. They had a fight about me the first time. I guess I wanted to talk, to be accepted, he seemed like someone who could help me, teach me how to interact with the world. He was very smart to me. I can get attached to people by talking to them. And that's a betrayal, too. Maybe it's a lack of social skills and isolation. I'm sorry. My favorite person loves me very much and I betrayed him. I'm thinking of telling him. But I'm afraid I'll kill him with it. I never wanted to hurt anyone and I never wanted to hurt anyone. I'm constantly struggling with suicidal thoughts. But I tell people close to me that it's okay. I can't bear to think that they'll be sad because of me.