Missed my dad's wedding

[wantingdignity]

I feel numb. Everything is wrong. He and my family will hate me for not going. I can hear them every time I close my eyes. My dad invited me, but the last conversation we had was him saying that he failed as a father because of me. I hate how much his comments got to me. I was actually doing better and now I'm really, really struggling. I thought for sure that he'd apologize closer to time. I thought I'd yell at him for only apologizing because he didn't want to be embarrassed by the idea of me not showing up. But no, hes not even remotely thinking of me. He doesn't feel bad. He doesn't want me enough to even pretend to apologize.

I feel like things are so wrong in my life. Everything feels out of place. I'm so sad or numb all the time. My ambition is gone. I am just trying to not die. This time last year, I was doing so much and was learning and growing. Everything fell apart and I don't feel like I can do anything. I just want to be okay. I used to want to do so much. I was willing to sacrifice everything for what I believed in and for my dreams. Now I don't have any that I can remember.

Not to be too depressing, but that's about where I am right now. How are you guys?

 

[timf]

A fractured relationship is usually not mended by one event. You might try reaching out by letter. This method of communication is slow and most people today are not that comfortable writing. These encumbrances might serve to make communication slow and thoughtful enough so that the tendency to say whatever comes to mind can be overridden by saying what is in the heart. If you set aside your feelings and seek to find out his, you might be able to get him to open up and through this come to a better understanding.