Missed my chance

[marshmallowfluff]

I'm currently in a hospital and have been hospitalised for almost 3 years. I had a plan to do partial as it is the only method I have access to and a ligature point in my room that they haven't caught on to. I've been dreaming about it on and off now for over and year and have my plan down to a tee.

I was on hourly checks, so someone would just come and look at me through the hatch on my door every hour. On Monday they moved it to 15 minute checks. I am really upset about it. I feel like I missed my chance. I could have done it in an hour. Taking into account possible SI, I don't think I would be successful if I tried on 15 minute checks.

I don't want their help, they can't help me. I've been at this specific hospital for just over 2 years and it isn't helping. I get a bit better mood wise but I'm still suicidal, then the depression comes along again. Today is the first day I've got up and eaten something (not really eaten, I'm drinking an iced coffee) in 4 days.

It all feels completely hopeless.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry what you have to endure is so awful. Being imprisoned in a psych ward is so incredibly inhumane. I really hope you can find a way. This causes so much more suffering. I wish u all the best and I hope you find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so dreadful being trapped in there, it's just so horrible to me and so incredibly cruel how it's this difficult to leave this world, nobody should be forced to suffer when they just wish to be free from everything. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Kera]

I'm currently in a hospital and have been hospitalised for almost 3 years. I had a plan to do partial as it is the only method I have access to and a ligature point in my room that they haven't caught on to. I've been dreaming about it on and off now for over and year and have my plan down to a tee.

I was on hourly checks, so someone would just come and look at me through the hatch on my door every hour. On Monday they moved it to 15 minute checks. I am really upset about it. I feel like I missed my chance. I could have done it in an hour. Taking into account possible SI, I don't think I would be successful if I tried on 15 minute checks.

I don't want their help, they can't help me. I've been at this specific hospital for just over 2 years and it isn't helping. I get a bit better mood wise but I'm still suicidal, then the depression comes along again. Today is the first day I've got up and eaten something (not really eaten, I'm drinking an iced coffee) in 4 days.

It all feels completely hopeless.

Holy shit, over three years in a psychiatric ward already!!!! I'm so sorry about that!!!! I was there for over half a year and it was hell for me. I'm so scared that I'll have to go back. Check-ups every 15 minutes. How will you be able to kill yourself there. It's almost unthinkable. I don't want to scare you even more. But who can give you a tip? Just hang in there until you're released. It's just a question of how long???? I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that someone can help you All the best!

 

[marshmallowfluff]

I do have the option of going AWOL when I'm back on 30 minute checks. That way I'll be able to utilise my unescorted leave again - I can just leave the hospital and go to some near by woodland for full suspension.

I've been watching a lot of videos of partial hanging and all of them were successful, but the amount of unsuccessful ones that I read or hear about scares the living day lights out of me. I can't think of anything else than being saved and spending the rest of my life shitting in a bag and being reliant on others to feed me.