Miserable, have the methods but not the balls

[downndone2]

I'm so miserable. I decimated my life several yrs ago and tried to do it again last year. Stuck in bed for several months now trying to live with what I've done. The only real place I go is work and I hate it. I'm the most negative person ever with what I have going on. I have no motivation, passion, happiness. Or anything else that drives ne. Idk what I'll ever do to fix the nightmare other than ctb

I have gun and sn as option but I'm so afraid to die, lsad to eave my kids/dogs, and afraid I'll have failed attempt . On the flipside I don't know that I'm capable of feeling happiness or experiencing joy ever again. I've literally felt like an empty painful rock for a very long time.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring and awful being trapped in that situation, it's just very unfortunate how leaving this world isn't straightforward. But anyway I wish you the best, there certainly is no real relief from suffering as long as one exists here.

 

[my-end]

I can definitely relate to always feeling miserable. I can laugh in moments but the overall sense of my life is sheer depressing. When you mentioned kids I couldn't help but wonder their ages. I'm sorry you're going through this and hopefully you find your peace.

 

[downndone2]

They're grown 21 and 26. I can see one being really pissed and the other quite sad.

 

[anxious_depressive]

I'm sorry you are in this situation.
I understand your feelings and concerns.

Are you being treated well at your job?
If your coworkers, hours, and pay aren't bad, things will probably get better.

I'm sorry if my reasoning seems silly.

My biggest fear is that I will fail at trying .
I have to put up with life so I can think about ctb plans.

 

[downndone2]

I'm sorry you are in this situation.
I understand your feelings and concerns.

Are you being treated well at your job?
If your coworkers, hours, and pay aren't bad, things will probably get better.

I'm sorry if my reasoning seems silly.

My biggest fear is that I will fail at trying .
I have to put up with life so I can think about ctb plans.

I lost my marriage, business, most all my inheritance and life savings, a few properties, and then some. There's not much that could make my life any better at this point. I'm grateful for the job because I need the money. But the job is so grueling. I want to find the guts to go.

 

[anxious_depressive]

I lost my marriage, business, most all my inheritance and life savings, a few properties, and then some. There's not much that could make my life any better at this point. I'm grateful for the job because I need the money. But the job is so grueling. I want to find the guts to go.

I wish I could give you a big hug.

You've been through a lot of hard things in life.

 

[Holu]

I'm so miserable. I decimated my life several yrs ago and tried to do it again last year. Stuck in bed for several months now trying to live with what I've done. The only real place I go is work and I hate it. I'm the most negative person ever with what I have going on. I have no motivation, passion, happiness. Or anything else that drives ne. Idk what I'll ever do to fix the nightmare other than ctb

I have gun and sn as option but I'm so afraid to die, lsad to eave my kids/dogs, and afraid I'll have failed attempt . On the flipside I don't know that I'm capable of feeling happiness or experiencing joy ever again. I've literally felt like an empty painful rock for a very long time.

I typically refer to people kept alive by loved ones as tethered, although at times it can feel like chains. On one hand, having something so important that you are capable of maintaining your resolve despite the arduous pain is empowering, but on the other that crave for death feels overwhelming, so much so that you consider leaving behind loved ones.

Worse, loved ones are rarely able to provide the comfort and affection you so desperately desire. Kids are great, but they aren't emotionally intelligent enough at that age. Likewise, as with parents, siblings, friends, and significant others, you fear that providing your suffering onto them will only hurt then. Even worse, there is a concern or even certainty that it won't help, and as such you bottle your emotions in.

Life is grueling, and this world is degrading to lost souls. I'm so sorry for everything you have been through, and everything you are continuing to face today. Staying alive for another is one of if not the most noble things someone can do. It's one thing to die for someone, and another to endure an unimaginable suffering for them.

As a community, while we cannot truly be there for you, we will try. If you ever need to talk or vent, just say so. Additionally my DMs are open and I will do my best to respond as soon as possible.

I'm soooo sorry for your suffering. Best of wishes to you soldier.

 

[nosoul]

I'm so miserable. I decimated my life several yrs ago and tried to do it again last year. Stuck in bed for several months now trying to live with what I've done. The only real place I go is work and I hate it. I'm the most negative person ever with what I have going on. I have no motivation, passion, happiness. Or anything else that drives ne. Idk what I'll ever do to fix the nightmare other than ctb

I have gun and sn as option but I'm so afraid to die, lsad to eave my kids/dogs, and afraid I'll have failed attempt . On the flipside I don't know that I'm capable of feeling happiness or experiencing joy ever again. I've literally felt like an empty painful rock for a very long time.

Exactly my feelings I'm struggling to get through the days though I'm not working just dogs, but can't rehome them, can't eat, so badly wish to end it, let's see what's next if any, I fucked this one up too badly:(

 

[downndone2]

I typically refer to people kept alive by loved ones as tethered, although at times it can feel like chains. On one hand, having something so important that you are capable of maintaining your resolve despite the arduous pain is empowering, but on the other that crave for death feels overwhelming, so much so that you consider leaving behind loved ones.

Worse, loved ones are rarely able to provide the comfort and affection you so desperately desire. Kids are great, but they aren't emotionally intelligent enough at that age. Likewise, as with parents, siblings, friends, and significant others, you fear that providing your suffering onto them will only hurt then. Even worse, there is a concern or even certainty that it won't help, and as such you bottle your emotions in.

Life is grueling, and this world is degrading to lost souls. I'm so sorry for everything you have been through, and everything you are continuing to face today. Staying alive for another is one of if not the most noble things someone can do. It's one thing to die for someone, and another to endure an unimaginable suffering for them.

As a community, while we cannot truly be there for you, we will try. If you ever need to talk or vent, just say so. Additionally my DMs are open and I will do my best to respond as soon as possible.

I'm soooo sorry for your suffering. Best of wishes to you soldier.

Feel free to dm as well

 

[meowtistic]

this is awful, I hope you can resolve all your struggles whether it's by ctb or not, I hope you can find your peace in life.

 

[downndone2]

this is awful, I hope you can resolve all your struggles whether it's by ctb or not, I hope you can find your peace in life.

I don't know of any resolution other than ctb. Even a large amount of money won't fix my heartbreak

 

[nosoul]

I don't know of any resolution other than ctb. Even a large amount of money won't fix my heartbreak

Same feeling, my brain is declining I feel I lost ton of iq points, can barely function myself, I'm close to picking a nice night to just go hang myself, it's so over for me not eating and sleeping.

 

[bigdog]

I lost my marriage, business, most all my inheritance and life savings, a few properties, and then some. There's not much that could make my life any better at this point. I'm grateful for the job because I need the money. But the job is so grueling. I want to find the guts to go.

How did it happen? Your mistake?

 

[downndone2]

How did it happen? Your mistake?

I chose bad business investment and proposed partner backed out on his side if bargain last minute. I dumped all my money wrecklessly and carelessly.

I chose bad business investment and proposed partner backed out on his side if bargain last minute. I dumped all my money wrecklessly and carelessly.

Out about several hundred thousand and still in debt to my eyeballs

 

[bigdog]

I chose bad business investment and proposed partner backed out on his side if bargain last minute. I dumped all my money wrecklessly and carelessly.

Out about several hundred thousand and still in debt to my eyeballs

I asked because I have similar situation. But I lost 50k which were very important to me at the time. Do you feel that at the time you were in some kind altered state of consciousness?

 

[SanctionedSquad]

For the fear that it will fail, then you should choose a method that is guaranteed if done right, I only know about inert gas that has that ability.
For the fear of really dying you could take a Benzo before ctb to numb your fears but it has the ability to make you too numb to ctb.

 

[downndone2]

I asked because I have similar situation. But I lost 50k which were very important to me at the time. Do you feel that at the time you were in some kind altered state of consciousness?

Yes, I definitely was. It was a really long ordeal that lasted for months. Feel free to dm me