BasqueClown
Zirkua ata heriotza
- Jun 9, 2022
- 121
TL;DR FUCK PSYCHIATRISTS, Thinking about being misdiagnosed and have Schizoaffective disorder actually
Hi community.
Since I told in previous posts my last november was terible for me for both another suicide attempt and a psychotic episode triggered by a unfortunate interaction between molly, weed and alcohol. Then forced me to hospitalization and here I was supposedly diagnosed with Dissiociative Identity Disorder and Clinical Depression.
Well, my family and Justice Department (Tribunal correctionnel) accept the medical report and instead of getting me jailtime (Who retrospectively I think it would better than the current mental state I am now), they ordered me to give me a temporary conservatorship for mental disability (Both for the clinical depression, the drug withdrawal, the suicidal attempts and the Dissociative States.
But I never bought that story that I have another personality, since they always refused to drop the antipsychotic (Asenapine) to film or record it when manifest, but the other symptoms I agree that I'm having it: delusions, some hallucinations (Not the classic voice ones, not all the time, but I had taste hallucinations and smelling ones too), disorderly behavior (I can write this brought you by DULOXETINE!) and a tremendous depression who disables me to return to work and have a "normal" life out of street crime.
In sources like NAMI and Royal College of Psychiatrists (I'm using english based sources to understant in all community), they described almost every symptom of Schizoaffective Disorder who matches with my current state. Sure, self diagnosis is a shit practice, but since I started to research more of this, It fits more into my mind that dissiociative disorder.
Take this: the excuse that doctor used to diagnosed me is "Arantxa" who is a common girl basque name. I remember writing a unfinished monologue with a character with this name, but I never finished. So perhaps I only used in my psychotic stage "Arantxa" for not saying "My name" in order to not accept my suicide plan to the doctor.
Look: women often we need to adapt and acting in order to survive. I consider to get in acting in my teen years, but prefer to be an scrpit writer rather than a theatre actress. So I only was acting in the psych ward to not being more restricted or getting more time there. And I met a few patients in the dinning roomspace who I consider them as schizoaffective ones rather to "szchizophrenic ones" who society labeled to any deranged person. And I see myself in that way.
I will ask in the next meeting to the doctor if I really have Dissociative Identity Disorder and I'm really Schizoaffective, like my mom was (GENETIC SUCKS DON'T IMPREGNATE OTHERS DAMMIT), and they concealing me that diagnosis for not precipitate to suicide, or to have an green light to do mischief, or whatever else. Also, my family keep silence about my mom and I think she was miagnosed too.
Whatever, I'll ask to severe changes:
- DIagnosis
- Another meds (Duloxetine killed my routine and make me sleep in random hours)
- Leave me alone with my mind (And if I die by suicide in short time or in a couple years IT IS AND WILL BE MY DECISION)
- And I don't want to be a eternal slave of pills to try to have a "normal life"
Hi community.
Since I told in previous posts my last november was terible for me for both another suicide attempt and a psychotic episode triggered by a unfortunate interaction between molly, weed and alcohol. Then forced me to hospitalization and here I was supposedly diagnosed with Dissiociative Identity Disorder and Clinical Depression.
Well, my family and Justice Department (Tribunal correctionnel) accept the medical report and instead of getting me jailtime (Who retrospectively I think it would better than the current mental state I am now), they ordered me to give me a temporary conservatorship for mental disability (Both for the clinical depression, the drug withdrawal, the suicidal attempts and the Dissociative States.
But I never bought that story that I have another personality, since they always refused to drop the antipsychotic (Asenapine) to film or record it when manifest, but the other symptoms I agree that I'm having it: delusions, some hallucinations (Not the classic voice ones, not all the time, but I had taste hallucinations and smelling ones too), disorderly behavior (I can write this brought you by DULOXETINE!) and a tremendous depression who disables me to return to work and have a "normal" life out of street crime.
In sources like NAMI and Royal College of Psychiatrists (I'm using english based sources to understant in all community), they described almost every symptom of Schizoaffective Disorder who matches with my current state. Sure, self diagnosis is a shit practice, but since I started to research more of this, It fits more into my mind that dissiociative disorder.
Take this: the excuse that doctor used to diagnosed me is "Arantxa" who is a common girl basque name. I remember writing a unfinished monologue with a character with this name, but I never finished. So perhaps I only used in my psychotic stage "Arantxa" for not saying "My name" in order to not accept my suicide plan to the doctor.
Look: women often we need to adapt and acting in order to survive. I consider to get in acting in my teen years, but prefer to be an scrpit writer rather than a theatre actress. So I only was acting in the psych ward to not being more restricted or getting more time there. And I met a few patients in the dinning roomspace who I consider them as schizoaffective ones rather to "szchizophrenic ones" who society labeled to any deranged person. And I see myself in that way.
I will ask in the next meeting to the doctor if I really have Dissociative Identity Disorder and I'm really Schizoaffective, like my mom was (GENETIC SUCKS DON'T IMPREGNATE OTHERS DAMMIT), and they concealing me that diagnosis for not precipitate to suicide, or to have an green light to do mischief, or whatever else. Also, my family keep silence about my mom and I think she was miagnosed too.
Whatever, I'll ask to severe changes:
- DIagnosis
- Another meds (Duloxetine killed my routine and make me sleep in random hours)
- Leave me alone with my mind (And if I die by suicide in short time or in a couple years IT IS AND WILL BE MY DECISION)
- And I don't want to be a eternal slave of pills to try to have a "normal life"
