HI! I am 66, reference aspect for this post, and I have all my life "fought" with my mind, as far as some days everything is great and then bang! Yes, I have BPD, but this part is different as I question myself and what the heck am I doing here, then I get mad, sometimes, at myself.
Now, 1st and very foremost, everyone is different, and I have always totally respected that, as it takes everyone to make this Earth work. with that said, I try and take comfort in the knowledge that I love helping people, making folks smile and in turn it sometimes eases my "mental fight" that I have with myself. Also, after being able to join Sanctioned Suicide and having so many friends, just like family to me, not only calms me down but makes me feel blessed.
I truly feel your pain, I am NOT being sarcastic ever towards you. I have been blamed on here before that I was "making fun" of someone and that broke my heart, as I would never ever do anything of that nature ever.
One thing that I do sometimes is I will pick up a piece of paper, not a computer screen, too impersonal, and write to myself, items that make me happy, sad, angry, and why I feel the way I do in the moment. It for me is decompression and not only as I am writing items down but especially afterwards, I can reflect on why am I sad? and /or why am I happy?
This gives me time to take a step back (decompress) and try and make sense of myself and maybe if something triggered it.
Now this is just me and please do not: 1) get mad at me 2) I am just throwing this out what works for me sometimes and everyone is unique.
You are a very kind and caring spirit, reading between the lines in your post says that loud and clear and I want the very best for you, as you are a good friend who so very much deserves your place in the sun.
All my best to you and feel free to give me a shout out if you so desire.
Walter
