might ctb

[kira.bastard]

I don't know how, though. I'm scared, I don't wanna live yet I'm scared of the pain ctb might bring. I'm also scared of being considered selfish if i fail. I don't wanna lose everyone yet i don't want to live in this world anymore, i don't know what to do. therapy currently isn't something i want

 

[Amakishiyo]

Either way, before you decide anything it's highly recommended that you carefully research and prepare things. Especially if you don't know how to at all.
And since you apparently have people you care about in this world that you don't wanna lose it might be just worth looking into options to keep you afloat and wanting to continue. Definitely give it more thought if you are that torn between what you want to do.

 

[Sulyya]

Certainty is important. If you back out partway through because you weren't as sure as you thought, then with some methods you may end up being in a worse circumstance than you are in now. If you're not committed currently to really do it, then don't neglect the Recovery board.

 

[FuneralCry]

After all, only you know what is the best for yourself but it does sound like a difficult and tiring situation to be trapped in. But anyway, best wishes.

 

[kira.bastard]

Certainty is important. If you back out partway through because you weren't as sure as you thought, then with some methods you may end up being in a worse circumstance than you are in now. If you're not committed currently to really do it, then don't neglect the Recovery board.

I really want to get it over with but my biggest issue is pain, i'm incredibly scared of pain and i want it over asap, without much pain. if i could figure out and trust myself enough, i'd do it i'd just need to learn proper ways.

 

[Kasumi]

If you are well prepared it won't be painful.
Dying a violent / painful death is easy, but obviously no one wants that, it's about having a peaceful quick and "safe" death.

It's totally fine if you aren't sure if you want to CTB yet, for many people just having the option to CTB helps them so much that they might never need to make use of it.
It takes away the fear of what can happen in the worst case, you can fight until the very last moment, knowing that when you really can't go on anymore at all, you can go.

 

[kira.bastard]

If you are well prepared it won't be painful.
Dying a violent / painful death is easy, but obviously no one wants that, it's about having a peaceful quick and "safe" death.

It's totally fine if you aren't sure if you want to CTB yet, for many people just having the option to CTB helps them so much that they might never need to make use of it.
It takes away the fear of what can happen in the worst case, you can fight until the very last moment, knowing that when you really can't go on anymore at all, you can go.

I don't know where to start if im completely honest, i've attempted a few times in the past, but i was only a kid then, that was years ago.

 

[Kasumi]

I don't know where to start if im completely honest, i've attempted a few times in the past, but i was only a kid then, that was years ago.

I'd say start by reading the PPH Essentials in the sticky threads.
Additionally there are a number of megathreads here in the forums as well.

 

[Viranamari]

Well, if you want to CTB, you must be certain that you want to do so because you can't back out. I suggest researching methods as you aren't too sure on which one. I also suggest not being impulsive which might lead to you failing. Failing to CTB is horrible so I hope you know what you are doing. But anyways, good luck, just think through your other options one more time since CTB should be the last option.