Venting Mental Illness ruins my life

[SantasHelper]

I hate depression so much. I hate mental illness so much. I hate being depressed for no reason.

I hate that I want to CTB knowing I have loved ones that would care about me. The pressure of being alive, I hate it so much. I don't even know what to do. My heart say yes and no to CTB.

The only way I could possibly die is if something messes up during my surgeries (I might have multiple this year). So I don't have to do it myself. But the chances of that are extremely low.

I've thought about taking anti depressants to help with this but idk? I heard anti depressants or even most mental medications can cause so much issues and I don't want to deal with that.

Anyways, thanks for reading

 

[CTB Dream]

Vry sry know how mntl illne v hard nobod know nobod undsrtnd this v awful thing depress v sffr,

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring what you have to go through, life is just too cruel, it's awful how people suffer so much all through no fault of their own. But anyway I wish you the best.