![nembutal](/data/avatars/l/41/41190.jpg?1701999042)
nembutal
everything will be okay in the end
- Jul 14, 2022
- 317
the walls in my high school were littered with suicide hotline posters and advocacy. i was part of a mental health awareness group where we would distribute knowledge on suicide statistics and bring attention to symptoms though art and speech. being surrounded by those with the same belief on empathy made me believe that the world was more caring than i had previously thought.
but now, in my worst moments of suicidality, i do not receive the care and attention that i advocated for others way back when. not a phone call nor text to confirm that i am still walking the earth. "reach out", they said, and i did, to everyone i thought was closest to me. nothing came of it, and i began to view my time as an advocate as time wasted.
where are these people, aside from professionals who are paid to care, who apparently care for the mentally ill more than other generations? does no one want to feel like a hero, does no one have time to spare? i can't get to the bottom of the hypocrisy of a mental health advocate who is now going through their own struggles and receiving no help from any direction.
most importantly, why do these people grieve and wish they "could have done more" after your death when they had countless of opportunities to do so, not to mention mounds of evidence of warning signs?
what id do to be white knighted. what id do for a mentor who'd place me under their wing. but i dont even ask for help in that depth. i just want a small semblance of care. evidence that i exist outside of the four walls of my bedroom. why wont anyone reach out? is there something intrinsically wrong with me?
please, no horribly cynical responses. unless a cynical world is the answer to my question.
but now, in my worst moments of suicidality, i do not receive the care and attention that i advocated for others way back when. not a phone call nor text to confirm that i am still walking the earth. "reach out", they said, and i did, to everyone i thought was closest to me. nothing came of it, and i began to view my time as an advocate as time wasted.
where are these people, aside from professionals who are paid to care, who apparently care for the mentally ill more than other generations? does no one want to feel like a hero, does no one have time to spare? i can't get to the bottom of the hypocrisy of a mental health advocate who is now going through their own struggles and receiving no help from any direction.
most importantly, why do these people grieve and wish they "could have done more" after your death when they had countless of opportunities to do so, not to mention mounds of evidence of warning signs?
what id do to be white knighted. what id do for a mentor who'd place me under their wing. but i dont even ask for help in that depth. i just want a small semblance of care. evidence that i exist outside of the four walls of my bedroom. why wont anyone reach out? is there something intrinsically wrong with me?
please, no horribly cynical responses. unless a cynical world is the answer to my question.
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