Discussion Mental anguish is killing me everyday whilst i wait to CBT again

[lwlaiet8887]

My head and body physically hurts from the mental anguish I'm experiencing everyday and I believe my previous OD attempt has messed up my body too stomach ache, tiredness, my body is sore but that may be due to general physical weakness. I desperately want to die but every method is too difficult and I have 0 financial resources at the moment. How can I possible cope for the time being? I think I'm going to end up doing something drastic again like that time I tried to drown myself but maybe with a train this time. How easy is hanging in actuality? I'm honestly just so desperate to die. I'm happy for you with who still have some peace sincerely. My 5 years of suffering and my eventual realisations has been like having the soul ripped from me and stabbed several times in the gut and my previous attempt and weaknesses have wrecked my body/mind, I haven't seen the sun in ages and suffer from severd vitamin d deficiency. TLDR; How can I cope until I have the money or should I just resort to other methods?
How do I make peace with myself when I just desperately want to die and hate myself? It's a long while before I can CTB again and I don't know how to cope.