If you're cycling through people how can you elicit genuine love from them that in itself is contradictory like yes I have a new girl every day but she loves me seriously...and then?
First, thanks for your detailed response. I'll try to keep this reply as clear as I can, as I think most of where you were coming from was based on the OP's phrasing in vulgar language, which indeed may reflect the lot of many men which is being completely cutoff from the highbrow world for worthy humans around them with which you may be more familiar because it is the social 'real' world.
I interpreted the OP as referring more to this 'talent' to be able to obtain sexual access from women. To be able to seek out deeper connections and intimacy you need to be on the radar in the first place. This is the core problem. Begging for a convo is not hot either. And due to the sexual nature of many human beings in general, it will mentally fuck up a dude who works hard building a relationship with an initially reluctant woman to know she has no sexual interest in him whatsoever, but may be available to another specimen of man in a higher desirability bracket, who has access not only to the sexual side but indeed all of the intimate emotional connections, should he choose, as well--and with far less struggle.
I want to be euthanised but I think if it becomes widely accessible it will become the answer for everything like why would we allow men to just be euthanised for porn addictions instead of gee idk working on the porn addiction and the industry in general when it's actively harming hundreds of thousands of people physically and mentally. We'll just start to use euthanasia to the answer to everyone's problems instead of society trying to take accountability for the people who have been failed by the system like disabled people, lgbt people, ethnic minorities, poor people, mentally ill people/people with addictions. I do think some things aren't curable and people also shouldn't be forced to live just because their issue *could* hypothetically be resolved but I feel like I'd be a lot more comfortable knowing that we helped men overcome porn addictions and tried to dismantle the harmful effects of misogyny than telling people to off themselves.
Porn addiction is not the root cause of men wanting sex or other forms of intimacy with women. It is an attempt to patch a hole in the soul left from unfulfilled biological urges. Like using alcohol to drown out the loss of a loved one, where the alcohol eventually turns on you. I agree porn is not healthy for people in this lonely situation. Funny thing, I suspect people who are getting ample sex can consume porn with far fewer issues, just like socially and mentally healthy people can tolerate a few drinks or occasional binge better than those using alcohol to cope with serious pain.
I feel like once again the problem isn't a lack of sex it's just a lack of connection and unfortunately because many guys think it's a lack of sex they just go about it the wrong way entirely. I've seen countless guys who are suicidal because they haven't lost their virginity, not because they haven't formed emotional intimacy with someone but because they haven't just had sex for the sake of having sex and you have to wonder why is it put on a pedestal so much why do we encourage and praise boys for having sex when they are still children like it will of course naturally drive people to want to die when they're having this notion drilled in their head over and over again by others and they're being misdirected which in the end only hurts them.
I agree is is more a lack of connection. However, these men without sexual access are going to also lack emotional access. There are biological and social status component here. A man is not going to feel great if he had to slowly work in jokes and gradually building up his confidence and image with a woman for her to hold his hand after several month and be told she likes the way he is sweet but has personally witnessed during that time the woman being aroused and maybe even in sexual flings with other men during . The man may have even heard the stories, and the more desirable man definitely held the hands sooner and was given emotional connection sooner as well, not just sex. Yes, this really happens. I am old, I am not super hot nor super ugly (long term relations 3-7 years, sex with a fair number of women, less than 60, but not close to the several hundred a genuinely attractive guy does) and being on the border has fucked me up mentally from hearing and seeing certain behaviours of men and women--this of course also comes down to what the woman is looking for. It is not a one-way street.
As for the notion drilled into the head about the importance and pedestalization of sex...This will only get worse as lonely men, incels, virgins etc are more and more demonized while simultaneously the the hyper-flattering image about women, that they are only sexually attracted to and give sexual access on the basis of good personalities and inherent good souls, is maintained and given as a platitude. Because these men are thinking it's not even that they are ugly, they think they must be even more deeply fucked up--complete scum of the earth. It's why they obsess over good guy and people pleasing stuff, genuinely thinking maybe they were too rude when holding the door open etc. And it commodifies common decency and contributes to misogyny. Because they are genuinely thinking getting with women is all about good behaviour, hence the negative stereotype about good guys just using brownie points to access sex. But they also know that without sex, they will be viewed by both men and women as practically evil. Governments even calling them terrorists--it is definitely better to be a misogynistic player because you could prove you are a 'good person' since you have access whereas you risk serious stigma if there is any doubt about your prowess.
Short term things do make you happy, briefly, before you're dragged back to reality just like drugs, gambling, bingeing, drinking. It's all just a distraction and distracting yourself from your sadness is not happiness.
This is human condition. Gratitude is the most common answer I see and I try to practice it. But being a human is not forgiving. We want food, entertainment, distraction. And to be valued by others, even for those of us that are more introverted and not hyper-social. Being considered sexually disgusting is painful as fuck for both men and women, who are unfortunate enough to have those urges and needs.
I've been abused all my life by my mother and yes I'm also against the idea of having kids since they are just brought into a world of suffering against their will but once again I don't really think I need to argue about why abusive relationships are not what I meant about meaningful connections...have you just ruled out the possibility of having a normal relationship with someone...having good friends...good colleagues...good siblings and then ultimately a good partner? I'm genuinely confused why this was even a line of reasoning the human brain is not made for 'short flings', we are social creatures that benefit from community and not being alone and having long term partners that we establish healthy connections with even if you do desire sexual intimacy just throwing yourself at anyone and everyone will not make you achieve that since ultimately you'll just be left alone again and that short feeling of euphoria will be gone.
What I meant is that rather than trying to build these relationships into something they were not and going as far as having unwanted children, they were better off as short-term flings. Many of these partnerships weren't going to bring happiness whether one night or a lifetime.
I do think men are touched starved but most importantly they're starved of emotional intimacy. They often talk about the last time they received a compliment being years or even decades ago, the last time someone said they loved them, they're proud of them, they want to know what's wrong etc and once again they end up just turning to porn and idolising that instead of reflecting on the fact they need someone who actually loves them who actually supports them and actually cares for them and then and only then would sexual intimacy be meaningful and beneficial when their other needs are taken care of and they're in a place where that person is worth being vulnerable for...
For a moment just imagine a man that last received a compliment years ago, never heard they were loved. You don't even have to put yourself in their shoes. Is getting emotional intimacy going to be as simple and straightforward for them as a guy flooded with compliments and women eager to meet and be around him? Idolising porn is not misleading them. They don't have much chance of finding that someone who actually loves them and support them and actually cares for them. Do you honestly think lonely men do not reflect and are aware of this, and a porn vid just blew up an otherwise awesome life where a loving woman was just around the corner? They know they need love and it won't be there. Nature does not care. And yes, it hurts and it hurts really, really, really fucking bad to be unwanted scum.
I feel like you've taken this as a personal attack once again I do not hate men nor do I hate men with sexual desires I want you and all of you who are lonely to find real connections but the only way to do that is to a) accept you need to form an actual relationship to be fulfilled and to b) realise women aren't just an avenue to gain sex and they're also human beings
I don't take any offense or anything personal and I have had several, but not a crazy number of, long relationships and sexual flings. But, even for me, it is NOT easy to get sex or emotional connections. And yes, only one of those relationships was genuine, the loss of it is now a source of real grief, sufficient enough to induce suicidality. These actual relationships are very rare and obtaining them is great but whether 10 nights or 10 years they are temporary, and it hurts when they end. Nature doesn't care, it's more about just getting seed into womb to spit out kids so hell can continue. That alone partly explains this sex-craved behaviour you see from men. There are women that want sex too, by the way--of course most of them are never going to look as desperate and deranged as men because they have access.
This access alone is clearly not going to find those deep emotional connections either, because it is rare. That's why most are answering here that it won't necessarily fix anything. But I will say, the comfort of having that chance in the first place even if you are facing hoards of horny men to sort through, is probably marginally less soul-destroying, although still soul-destroying--but might allow for a life with some degree of esteem. Just like that fling I had the other night makes me feel less like complete and utter disgusting loser and I can actually walk around without feeling like a vile mutant. This is only temporary though. I am sorry to say to the incels reading this, that you will feel like an incel again just a few days later. Hell probably big time celebs feel like shit when it's been a few days and they've been turned down. Only consistent great emotional and sexual connection with a hyper-compatible partner by your side at all times will do, anything else and nature will torture the fuck out of you. Again, self-esteeming a major, major biological urge away is not as simple as getting over missing last week's skibidi toilet episode.
The reason a lot of relationships fall apart aren't because men have sexual desires (ahhh how scary) it's because they don't even consider women worth forming a connection with they unironically hate women and hate everything about them and yet want sex desperately and that's why so many of them are resentful towards women yet keep trying to find sexual partners it's all just been deflected onto them when they're the ones who are preventing themselves from finding partners hence why incels are some of the strangest contradictory beings around but I won't pretend I know your pain I'm on the asexual spectrum and homosexual and biromantic but anyways I don't think I've ever craved sex and I don't think I ever will it seems boring and futile and I guess since I can see the situation from a third person perspective it looks even sillier to me that people don't realise they're putting the cart in front of the horse and wondering why everything isn't working out as intended
They don't even consider women worth forming a connection with? Cannot speak to every single man's experience, but from my own perspective this is completely false. A man's sexual interest can often signal they might want to connect. Most of them do. And over time, even without but moreso with sexual experience, at least for me I know more the type of woman I am looking for and do not express sexual interest at any rando that could easily get my rocks off that twerks in tiktok vids because I know it's a waste of time and not likely to happen anyway. Hence the approach, which is fraught with the risk of an unnecessarily painful rejection (again, biology), but even just a failure to find a proper avenue to even say hi is painful btw, is reserved for women I imagine there might be at least the prospect of compatibility. It is just one of many biological cues drawing them to women. It doesn't mean porn taught them to chase women. The few men who have plenty of access are least likely to want that connection because they feel they have better options around the corner any minute, and I suspect a lot of women suffer this oppression of the surplus of choice as well.
Again though the notion that incel/virgin = evil is only going to make men MORE sex-craved and heartless animals ruthlessly wanting as much sex as possible at all costs, because that label is not something you want to be associated with in any form. So you will see even more and more insufferably wannabe Don Juans.
It's great you are asexual spectrum, homosexual, biromantic, and have never craved sex. So maybe it looks absurd to you. I assure you having sexual needs and needs for emotional connection is not fun when those needs are unmet, which is most of the time, even for many couples in seemingly happy relationships. Only one of my long term relationships really filled the emotional connection part, whereas the others were both parties milking something that wasn't there for the sake of hoping it was more or fear of back to the abyss of loneliness, or in a few cases someone trying to manipulate me for who knows what I guess their own amusement.
Men and women who are not asexual can be self-aware of this futility, it is not a privilege only afforded to the third party observer such as yourself. Knowledge does not always set you free. Knowing you are a prisoner in a cell eating shit food and being beaten by guards every day doesn't offer much consolation. And being amused at the life of an average worker ant doesn't mean that seeing the futility of being a worker ant is also an option for them, but even if it were, they are not gonna magically enlighten out of anthood. It is a blessing of not being an ant only.
edit: had a lot of bad grammar/typo, still probably bad
